Thanks for the advice/comments everybody, they’ve been legitimately helpful. I don’t want to draw any more attention, and I think the question was specific enough to me that leaving this up isn’t useful for other people.

Thanks again!

42 comments

  1. For all you know, she will not have any problem with yours. I would just go with the flow, go out when you get back, have a good time and when it’s “time’, you’ll know.

    If you really are offended by her comments then I would just go with your #3 because that’s going to linger in the back of your head so best to leave it.

  2. I can see making a weird joke if you stumble into it sideways, but actually just making rude comments about penis size strikes me as a bad sign of overall maturity and thoughtfulness regardless of your specific size. Which leads me to 3, but not because of your dimensions.

  3. Personally, I’d find pejorative comments about the bodies of prior lovers to be a turn off. I’d opt for #3.

    But, if you find she has redeeming qualities (as this comment is all I know about this person), then #2 it is.

    However, the conversation arising from the second option could still lead to three— so just be mindful of that.

  4. Option 3, though not out of insecurity but because you have better standards than to settle for people who make such comments.

  5. I’d say 2 or maybe 3. The comments hurt you directly which is one thing but let’s say it wasn’t about small penises but she made an anti-Semitic comment or something. Is someone who’s that kind of person really someone you want to date?

    I’d say something to be able to defend a boundary and see what happens. If she doubles down then that sucks but it’s proof that she’s a terrible person

  6. Definitely don’t take the comments literally. There’s a growing movement of including small penis jokes in the body-shaming category, but mainstream society still sees these jokes as acceptable. More than that, they’re part of “dude humor”. She might be trying to relate to you by using crude humor/male humor (or at least her perception of it). She might not even personally think those types of jokes are funny but she’s just trying to look cool. She’s not talking about your penis, or her own penis preferences. Just like a straight man making a small penis joke isn’t talking about his penis preferences. It’s more likely just lazily repeating tired jokes from our culture.

    That being said it would be interesting to bring this up to her how you don’t like small penis jokes, and talk about the growing cultural zeitgeist against them. Maybe she’s not even aware of it. Gently bringing this up could let you express your opinion and has the added benefit of making you look smart, emotionally secure, and socially aware. And if she scoffs at it, then she’s decades behind and not someone you want to date anyways.

  7. Only you know whether you’re a match with her or not, I’m not sure any of us can make that determination for you.

    That said, I’d be weirded out / turned off by the comments, and would lean towards #3 personally, but without knowing what her actual comments were, verbatim, and the context – it’s tough say for sure.

  8. She demonstrated a complete lack of awareness about a sensitive subject. I think you should be more concerned about how you feel about that than how she’s going to feel about your penis size.

    Assuming you don’t see that as an issue and still want to get naked with this person, how would you feel if you go ahead without saying anything and she dumps you after? Or makes an insensitive comment? If that would be super crushing then I think your only options are 2 and 3. If you can handle it, I think 2 would be the most mature way to handle it and it makes her aware for the future about what she says on this topic.

    If you do go with 2, I’m not sure I’d even get into the size of your own penis tho. You don’t owe her that information before sex. Just stick to telling her how it makes men feel to be judged by their size.

    Also, in my experience, most women have no fucking clue what average penis size is and are terrible at judging it. On the other hand, many men think they’re small when they’re actually average. That’s why it’s better to see how things fit rather than discuss these things ahead of time in my opinion (unless you’re obviously on either end of the large/small spectrum).

  9. Exactly what did she say ?
    In my experience, people often use that phrasing as a sort of shorthand for bad energy and as a way to cut guys down if they’re being absolute assholes. It’s more bc guys are sensitive about it, than it is because women care a ton

  11. I would ignore, confidence is everything. Based on my experience, as a female, size doesn’t matter as much as knowing how to use it.

    If you would have a micro p*, then I would be slightly worried, but if it’s average ish, you are good to go.

    Maybe she is just immature in that sense or she is trying to take some information from you. Just go for it.

    AND SHOW THIS DAMN D* PROUDLY ☺️

  12. What would you tell your sister or female best friend if she told you this same story but said the man she’s been seeing made a few pejorative comments about womens’ labia size? Guessing you would tell your sister to SPRINT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

    She sounds immature, gross, insensitive, mean AF and frankly – like she’d be boring in bed.

  13. Nope. I don’t hang with making fun or denigrating people’s bodies. If she’s making those kinds of comments now when she’s on her best behavior, you’ll likely hear worse as time goes on, and it may end up being directed at you.

  14. I thought mine was average, or below. Apparently it’s above average. I’ve never had a complaint from any ex’s, and the few booty calls I’ve had, they’ve wanted me back multiple times.

    What I’m getting at is, don’t beat yourself up over it or this (save it for you meat if it doesn’t work out).

    Go with it, don’t overthink it. Have you ever had a complaint from a partner in the past? Or someone broke it off with you shortly after sex?

    Go with it. Ever hear “its about the motion in the ocean”?

  15. It’s not the size of the boat. It’s the motion of the ocean. I believe in you and your penis

  16. Don’t say anything. When it comes down to it, she may be very pleased with your dick. If not, at least you tried- better than cutting and running out of fear that she won’t be pleased with your dick.

  17. This is such a funny double standard. Imagine a guy started making equivalent jokes at this stage of a dating encounter. Pretty sure commenting on vaginal girth with a woman you’d met a few times would be enough to put most off.

  19. Wow, this is superrough. I genuinely find this behaviour from her side really unacceptable. We all have preferences for certain body types but I think it‘s insensitive and inappropriate to make perjorative comments about other people‘s bodies. Even about body parts that we DO have control over, don‘t be rude. I‘d honestly let this woman know that you aren‘t interested in dating someone who feels it‘s acceptable to be perjorative about other people‘s bodies. I‘m F31 and if I went out with a man who made negative comments about women‘s body parts, I wouldn‘t see him again clothed, much less naked.

    And honestly, while I L-O-V-E deep & hard vaginal intercourse, sex isn‘t about how long your penis LOOKS. It‘s about how it feels in her vagina, and your length, the sex position and the depth of her vagina all play roles in this. Oh and of course her arousal level. So fuck the measured inches.

  21. It could be that you’re worrying that she won’t like your size and she will actually be fine with it. I’d be more concerned about whether you want to be with a person that makes comments like that. Do you care that she potentially feels that way or would make comments like that in the first place?

  22. She hasn’t seen your penis yet? Go with #1 for sure. No use making something into a problem before it has to be. Maybe her last boyfriend had a micro penis and that’s her frame of reference. Go for it, with pride in your penis

  23. This is a huge red flag. If you were to make pejorative comments about women being fat or loose she would be smart to dump you over it, regardless of her body’s dimensions. This has nothing to do with your adequacy or body – she is just giving you a sneak peak of what she’s truly like inside and it’s not good.

    If I were you, I’d tell her “it’s not working out. It’s not me, it’s you.”

  24. As a woman who’s dated men with all sizes (and yes even a micro p), I’m with the commenters who say start with #2 and if she’s mature and has those redeeming qualities of why you’re not jumping straight to #3, then next question after seggs is if y’all are open to using toys if your D doesn’t quite satisfy her. Toys and positions can make a good seggs session great. The chemistry isn’t all in the parts, but in your hearts. Good luck!

  25. I tend to lean toward self deprecating humor most of the time so when I get asked I usually say something like “fair warning it’s a woefully average penis. Unremarkable in every way but gets the job done.”

  26. It is better feeling to regret things we’ve done, rather than things we wish we have done but never did.

    If you are leaning towards the option 2, I think it is better that you act accordingly.

    Be honest to yourself. In this stage of dating (and in general as well), in my opinion it is extremely important to listen to yourself and do what feels right precisely for you.

  27. I think it’s worth sharing that you feel some insecurity around your penis size as you are becoming more sexually involved. Sex puts us in a very vulnerable position and you should have a partner that is willing to help you feel safe and comfortable. You should learn what she needs to feel safe, too!

    Wish I had more. I’ve never even considered talking about sex before becoming romantically involved, and I can see how learning that you’re sexually incompatible only after developing feelings could hurt.

    I will say that people, especially other men, seem to have a very distorted idea of what a normal penis size is.

  28. Use it or lose it. If it’s in working order employ it! You can discuss the shortcomings after. No pun intended.

  29. Easy answer, #1. Just put it down and she won’t care (if you are really that close to being average anyway). I promise it will be huge if she likes you and you do a good job.

  30. I am going against the grain and say #1. But only if you can reframe things and not seeing as risking embarrassment but rather seeing it as an opportunity to show your skills as a lover and that being average doesn’t inhibit that. I’ve found that all the best sex I’ve had is when both people are confident and excitedly engaged. I think #2 really puts a damper on that.

    Worst case scenario with #1 is you get laid and she decides you’re not compatible. If you be a tad more selfish, and focus on what you can control in having sex with her,… I think that’s your best chance.

  31. So it’s hard for me to have an opinion when you don’t say what she said and the context.

    1) if she was flat out rude..”small penis are nasty”,
    “ I would never date a guy with a small penis”, then u should move on. Cut ur losses now, why Waite.

    2) did she make a comment that you perceive to be against small penis and ur hurt bc ur insecure?? That’s a self love issue you have to work on bc you don’t control ur size so you shouldn’t let it control you.

    My PERSONAL EXPERIENCE….. my last BF was 5in. It was fine. He thought it was small and the end of the world. It became miserable listening to him complain about it. Infact he told me it was small before we hooked up. Current BF is a solid 9in?? The PIV isn’t any better or worse. Oral is where it’s at. 😍💯 But not dealing with the constant insecurity and meltdowns. So much better. Actually I have designated it a red flag 🚩. In the future I have decided if a man complains about his size in the first few dates, I will end it. I’m not perfect but I don’t complain to my SO about my fat thighs, cellulite, or CSection scar. It’s not fair to make someone else miserable complaining about ur body!!!

    If she was cruel break it off. Or just be confident with what u have.

  32. I think sometimes people make the penis cracks without knowing size difference and averages (which I think is or was 5 inches erect?)

    Granted I am a 40F and don’t own a penis, but if I were you I would have responded to her comments (likely what she sees as banter?) with ‘what is small to you?’ If she comes back with ‘I don’t mess with dicks under 8 inches’ you’ve got your answer. If she comes back with ‘As long as it isn’t a micro penis’, you’ve got your answer.

    I probably wouldn’t go with option 2. When sexual banter from her comes up again (and it sounds like it would if you’re still talking/texting) I would ask her to clarify the size she’s wanting- ask if she’s a size queen. Ask her what size dick she’s after.

    To some women dick size is important- I’m one of those women. I have absolutely been let down by smaller-than-average dicks (3-4 inches erect for example). I also prefer girth. Length doesn’t interest me. I never told the guy(s) in question hey your dick is too small- I just said we weren’t sexually compatible later on/didn’t feel the chemistry and connection I am after.

  33. Ignore it. But if she sees your penis and makes a direct comment about it (rather than a vague joke about sizes), then #3

  34. Average size is somewhere around 5″ to 6″. Most women are fine down to 4.5″ and prefer something around 6.5″ (slightly above average) based on surveys. Sure there are size-queens out there but they aren’t the norm. Only men with micro have serious issues in this department.

    I would act like it’s no big deal and just let things play out. Embarrassment is only an issue if you let it be. If she likes it large, that’s her preference and you can just keep it moving.

  35. Forget about the comments and keep seeing her. She didn’t go out with you three times in a week because you MIGHT be well hung.

    She wants to fuck you and she’s excited, just showing it in a weird way. And you, you’re overthinking it.

  36. You either go there and fuck her without thinking a second more about your size, or you block her, run and never look back, the second option is not an option. Never cry about something you cannot change.

  37. I am above average but probably perceived more as average to anyone who has watched porn in 10 years. I exchanged nude pictures with someone and I was not erect, she could have known I was even average. Now, this was after the fact but she was relieved I wasn’t “small”. My take aways is she was relieved I was not tiny. So I think it could mean a lot.

    I would choose 1 if you wouldn’t be hurt by any comments or assume that you didn’t work out because of it.

    If you feel you are not actually small, 2 but only after she makes another comment (or ask “what is small for you”).

    If you truly would be embarrassed or not able to get it off your mind if she feels you are small, 3.

    For me, 1 is fine as I can say that they have unrealistic expectations unless they made it clear they wanted something really big, so do, most don’t care with in a reasonable range.

  38. Maybe go for the reverse psych play. Tell her upfront it’s really small but you’re willing to give it a shot. She’ll then be happily surprised with your standard size appendage. 🙂

  39. 58 year old female here who also happens to be a nurse (this means I have seen many a penis in my day).

    One of my very best sexual partners had a small penis. The saying it’s not the size of the ship
    But the motion of the ocean definitely applies here!! He knew how to use that penis!!

    So, don’t worry about the size!!

  40. Whatever. Unless you have a micro penis, I say #1 all the way. Fucking own that shit. If she doesn’t like it, move on. Her loss.

  41. This kind of remark happens a lot.

    It is important to remember that she may be fishing for info, (as others have said) or she may be used to joking like that. (This is weirdly common in some women).

    Best not to read into it. You have what you have and she will either like it or no.

    It is is critical to remember that many men have at least some insecurity around this so it is loaded.

    It is a maturity red flag for sure. But it sounds like you two have been having fun, best to see how it goes.

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