I matched with someone on Hinge that said “I’m weirdly attracted to Gentlemen”.
When I asked her what the word “Gentlemen” means to her, she asked me what it means to me.
For our first date she suggested the waterfront. She was on a beach towel in a bikini. Displaying a pretty good body.
Date went well, but no follow-up.
I came across another profile looking an “old-school gentleman”.
Both profiles were for women of Asian descent, though one was former soviet.
Does it mean what I think it might mean? “Generous”?
32 comments
If you think generous and gentleman are synonymous then I’m not surprised you struggle with women
Edit: also not sure why you included woman A’s attire since it has nothing to do with your question and isn’t some kind of “she doesn’t deserve a gentleman “ slam dunk that I suspect that you think it is
When I see “old school gentlemen,” “real man,” “traditional man,” it usually is attached to a profile that wants you to know they are very conservative politically.
“displaying a pretty good body” :/
It could range from meaning a sex thing, to meaning that they want you to open doors for them, to meaning that they want you to pay for everything. It wouldn’t be a bad conversation starter to ask, actually.
cash in cash out
They are talking about men like me *tips fedora*
33F to me that means someone who is kind, respectful, etc that your mom would approve of lol. I can see how it can be interpreted as wanting a sugar daddy. I think context matters.
Maybe it means they are trying to prevent dick pics?
Someone who will treat them with respect?
When I say gentleman, I usually mean chivalrous — the kind of man who opens doors, helps you with your coat, is kind to service workers, children, and the elderly, etc. I can see how you might expect a gentleman to pay for dinner, but I don’t think that translates to paying for *everything*, which is what I think you mean by “generous.”
32F here. Gentleman to me means they want classic courtship. Walk on the street side of the sidewalk, opening doors for them (car doors too), pulling the seat out for them at the table, being conservatively flirty in public, planning and executing the dates, paying for the dates, etc.
Every single thing won’t apply to everyone seeking a “gentleman” but they all could be things these women have in mind.
Edit: Removing wildlife from the equation.
Depends on the context of their profile.
Sometimes I take it as them being more traditional, expecting a man to open doors for them and be more “manly” in regards to gender roles and financial/career aspects.
Sometimes I feel it means they just want a man to be respectful and kind.
Sometimes, given I’m from the southern US, it means a man who will shoot a deer for her and take her to country music concerts.
Are you wondering if she was looking for someone more like my first example? I’d say the best way is to talk to her and get a feel for her expectations.
lol “Displaying a pretty good body.”
There are many definitions for gentleman, but I don’t think any definition includes “posting weird non-sequitor compliments about my body on Reddit.”
They’ll never know for certain… but perhaps they could guess well enough.
Coming from a mid 30s guy I see this a lot and usually avoid these profiles. As others have mentioned, it could mean a lot of different things from sugar daddy, to prostitute, to just being chivalrous. I’m not interested in paying for someone’s love/company, paying for sex, or treating her like a princess so whatever it means I just avoid it. It’s not to say I’m NOT chivalrous but someone that states this is a must clearly sees the world differently than I do.
It means there should be a minimum 10 yr age gap 🤣
I’d have had an issue with the person not answering a question and turning it around on me. There would not have been further conversation.
Have people strayed so far from decency that basic terminology like “gentleman” causes confusion?
I always assume it’s some variation of; don’t be sleazy/trashy, know the basics of chivalry (opening the door for her, giving her your jacket if she’s cold, being assertive, etc), and that she probably wants to be courted (taken on dates) and not rushed
It means missionary sex, not doggy style sex
I like a gentleman. I the first date I went on with my BF. He had such good manners. I met him at a brewery for a glass of wine. He stood up and gave me a hug when I got there. He paid for the wine. We decided to leave and get dinner. He drove. He opened my car door for me. (Never happened before in my life.) walked me to my car at the end of the date. Just good manners. That’s gentlemanly. 😍
It’s crazy that we are in a point in society where this has to be explained. Yet here we are.
No offense to you at all OP, it’s simply an observation on modern dating culture.
Typically this is a dog whistle for a woman who prefers gender roles, expects a man to pursue (ask her out, set up dates, pay for dates even if she insists), moves with basic chivalry, and leads the relationship.
Traditional dating and pursuit.
Now how much a woman lays into that is individual. Some just want a man who will treat them with respect and chivalry, some expect the whole gammit of pre-hookup culture dynamics.
As you get to know her, you can ask and see.
If that’s not you, and you don’t like that dynamic, swipe it and keep it moving. But this is generally the “read between the lines” clue in.
A gentleman isn’t going to try to have sex on the first date. Or even the third. I always see that and think “don’t try to have sex with me for at least 5 dates” and usually lose interest. Sure, it might mean something else but you don’t know anymore than I do so don’t be telling me I’m wrong when you don’t know that you’re right.
I just dislike arbitrary rules like that.
I’m not sure that generous and gentlemen are equivalent. I feel like “generous” it’s often code for prostitution or sugar daddy situations.
When she says she’s looking for a gentleman I tend to assume she prefers traditional gender roles.
I’d love to meet an old fashioned lady, the kind that merits gentlemanly gestures. But they are near extinct.
But usually “gentleman” in OLD does indeed mean “generous”, as in you pay her for her time.
[removed]
I always assumed it meant not a frenzied hornball or raging asshole plus open doors or something.
Everything is a sign in ~~online~~ dating. Whatever they write hints at what they want and are willing to provide, sometimes explicitly but often covertly. Generous or old-school = willing to pay for everything. Gentleman = be nice or avoid explicit statements. Demi-sexual = same as gentleman (sometimes). etc
But you went to the beach on the first date and was willing to wear a bikini in your company. Did you at least skirt the subject of how it looked on her in a positive way, verbally or otherwise? How about after the fact, complimenting her in a message seeking a followup?
Personally, if I read that someone was looking for “a Gentleman” or especially “a Generous Gentleman” — and *especially* especially if they capitalized the words — I would assume they were soliciting escort clientele, or at least seeking a sugar daddy relationship.
She wants your to pay for everything
Did some googling for the ladies.
Apparently there are clubs just full of these guys.
So…no one else finds the question odd? Haha no one else is curious why it’s relevant that someone is Asian but potentially formerly Soviet? Just me?
They want money bro