A little backstory is necessary here.
We met in April 2019 through a project and I instantly started liking him. Later, as we began to hang out more, we realized we had so much in common, it was even creepy at some point how similar our lives were. We continued to hang out, with me still having secret feelings for him until September 2019 when he found out about them.
At the same time when my feelings were revealed, we found out one of his best friends, who was also hanging out with us, developed feelings for me and I politely turned him down back then because I couldn’t return those feelings.
That complicated the situation even more so after a long talk, we decided we won’t start anything for the sake of the friend group. I was sour about that for some time but I decided that I won’t lose our friendship over something like that so we continued to be friends.
It was kinda hard for me to get over him quickly because he kept giving me so many mixed signals but during the quarantine, we didn’t have much contact, except for messages, so I got over him.
In these past two years, we stopped hanging out with his original friend group, it remained just two of us, plus my roommate with whom he went to elementary school. In these last couple of months, it’s been just three of us against the world, we shared many ups and downs together, forming our own little family of three people from really dysfunctional families.
To finally get to my point, at the end of July, the two of us went out and he told me that night that he has been in love with me since 2019 but he didn’t say anything for the sake of his friend. I was shocked as hell because that was the last thing I expected he’d say. I didn’t give my answer immediately, I took some time to think about it and two weeks later I told him that I don’t see him that way anymore and that I miss the spark that would ignite those feelings back.
Everything would be fine if it stopped on that, but since I told him that, I started to see him in a different light?? I started to think that I made a mistake and that maybe it could work out. I keep asking myself ‘what if’ questions all the time, wondering if there is any scenario where we worked out.
My question is: should I give this possible relationship a chance and is it possible to gain that initial spark back eventually or should I just let it go and continue to be friends with him?
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TDLR: My best friend (21M) confessed his feelings 3 years after I (21F) confessed mine first and I turned him down but now I doubt if I made the right decision and I wonder if I should give him a chance.
6 comments
I get a very strong “I guess you’ll do” vibe from this. Like he’s there and he’s convenient so you feel like you’re obligated to give him a chance.
Do you want a relationship with him? Do your current goals in life align? Are either of you actively seeking dates with other people?
Maybe you should plan a “date like” outing with him and see how you feel after that. Have y’all still been talking even after you rejected him? Maybe examine your own feelings a bit. Are you worried it might not work out and you don’t want to ruin the friendship, or do you really just see him as a friend. Are you going to regret this course of action in the future? You say y’all spent a lot of time around each other during the last two years, but your feelings didn’t resurface. Are you going to be alright if he gets a gf and starts spending less time with you because of it? Because that is likely how things will play out should you just remain friends.
Give it shot. It just may work.
Try it.
Sounds like you liked him back then, then you had to put those feelings on ice because of the friend group dynamic. Now, those feelings are thawing out a little bit.
Give it a shot. Go out with him for food, and imagine it like a date, and see how you feel.
Absolutely worth a shot!!!!
Are you into him or do you just feel like you don’t want to be single? My advice for dating friends is do it, but you also have to be cool with the possibility that you will break up and never be friends again.