My boyfriend (23) denies me of sexual attention every single day. He seems to feel forced to have sex to keep me from being upset. He can’t stay hard, and has to bring up other women to feel something.(Not always the case)
In the beginning of our relationship we use to have sex every day multiple times a day. Then he cheated on me a few times. And ever since I’ve had to beg him for any attention at all.
Every morning he wakes up the first thing he does is go to the shower, watch porn of women who look like people he’s known before and masterbate.
He fights with me everyday about it, tells me I’m overreacting and he’s a man and it’s normal. I cry just about everyday trying to get him to get off of video games and spend time with me and he acts as if it’s so hard.
He hardly can keep a job because he just gives up halfway through and he keeps telling me he’s happy and he doesn’t get why I’m not?
I’ve asked him if we can go to couples therapy and he’ll say yes but we never actually go. I’m an in home caregiver, and when he doesn’t have a job and I come home and have to clean up after him he’ll tell me all I do is house hold chores and talk to old people. And hell just walk away.
Yesterday he ignored me after I got home because I got overwhelmed with everything as soon as I got home. He hardly touches me anymore and tells me he loves me and that just about all the attention I get. I am obsessive and can be controlling but I don’t like to be. Anytime I talk about us breaking up he gives me everything I want for that day, and when I agree to stay with him he just goes back to normal. I feel ugly and second best at most.
I feel I have to provide everything while he lives for free to save for a car. He makes me feel like I ask for too much and I’m crazy but over time I’ve realized I’m not that. In the time I’ve been with him I’ve developed bi polar, PTSD, and stress induced seizures.
I remember when I would see a beautiful woman and compliment her. Now I hate myself so much I can’t appreciate a pretty woman or a confident one.
I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I JUST turned 22 and got my first apartment, he lives with me and I drive him EVERYWHERE he needs to go. I let him run my life (I’m old fashioned and prefer that) although I feel he takes advantage of it. I can no longer comprehend right from wrong. And have no understanding of my own relationship. At this point I’d rather move back in with my mom where he can’t go…
Please help me… I’ve been with him for four years, and would like to keep trying before I just flush all of my time and effort down the drain…
TL;DR how can I fix my relationship? Or is it even worth it?
25 comments
I dunno what is wrong with him. Some guys get bored, it could be medical, it could be porn addiction.
The point is, the two of you are not sexual compatable and that pretty much means unless you are willing to accept that, your not compatable and I’d find someone that fefills my needs.
Edit: so being honest I only read the first half before commenting. I then went back and read the rest.
You’re dating a child. He plays video.games all day, doesn’t work, doesn’t clean. Get rid of this guy and find someone that respects you and wants a partner not a mother.
>how can I fix my relationship? Or is it even worth it?
No. Its not worth it at all. What would you tell a friend in this situation?
He’s putting zero effort into the relationship, it’s basically already over. Relationships can’t work when it’s one sided. I don’t think this is fixable, it sounds like he needs to grow up but he refuses to since you’re taking care of everything.
Why are you with him?
Girl, just kick him out. Seriously. He is garbage, but you are allowing him to do all of this. That much is on you. Take control of your life. Being old-fashioned is not so great, as you are now discovering.
OP, this is SUCH an unhealthy relationship. Your needs are not being met, and his behavior is not normal. Go right now and google “The Crane Wife” in the Paris Review and read it. You deserve to have your needs met! Get out! Stop trying to save something that should not be saved! Go live with your mom and rediscover yourself!
Life is too short to spend it on people who don’t make you happy.
It’s clear that he’s only making you miserable and making promises to fix it (i.e. by going to couples therapy) but not delivering.
Sunk cost fallacy is a thing. But you are still so young. The right one will come along and make you feel the opposite of how you feel right now. You deserve happiness!
OP, if a good friend of yours told you the exact same story and asked for advice – what would you tell her?
Why do you even want to fix it?
You should instead ask yourself what there is to save, he’s being an entire dill hole to you. He is a bad boyfriend and you don’t need the headache.
He is literally just using you. He only sleeps with you to keep you supporting him 100%. And I also develop No epileptic seizures from a relationship, please leave this person and get a cognitive behavioral therapist! This seizures can cause you to start losing jobs and affect other aspects of your life. Wishing you all the luck and love in the world.
Why would you want to save such a terrible relationship? You should have bounced after he cheated on you “a few times”. I don’t know you, but I know you deserve better
Doesn’t sound like there’s much to save. You should let it go.
Wtf kind of relationship is this? I literally read the first paragraph and the next 2 sentences of the second paragraph where he cheated on you and then stopped giving you attention. You need to seek therapy immediately if your self esteem is so low that you stayed with this moron. No, there is no saving this joke of a relationship. Sorry to be harsh, but im hoping this is fake
No offense but you said yourself you prefer he run your life. Is that not what he’s doing? You need to stop rolling over for him if you want him to stop expecting you to roll over. This has been the same for 4 years, there’s a minuscule chance that he will change all of a sudden especially after already cheating and you taking him back. What exactly are you gaining from trying again? more time with a lazy, cheating boyfriend?
I didn’t make it past paragraph two. He has to bring up other women while with you to stay interested and he cheated multiple times…
Dude, you deserve so much better. Drop the dead weight.
You are so young! This man has figured out how to abuse you into a horrible begging dog already. He needs to get the F out and you need therapy. You need to love yourself and realize he does NOT love you. He likes that you make his life easy. Please please kick him out. Get a roommate if you have too. Learn to love yourself.
You’re not being treated with respect. You’re probably better off ending it. Sorry, I know it’s tough to hear.
Don’t you deserve better? I think you do.
Fly, find joy, be free to love.
Not worth it one bit. Literally no redeeming qualities about this relationship.
You’re young, you can drive, and you deserve better. I respect you wanting an old school lifestyle, but a man like this isn’t worth it. Don’t let people like this ‘basically run your life’ because they’ll run it right into the ground alongside your self confidence and happiness. Find someone who wants you, not someone you have to beg to love you.
Why do you want to save this relationship? You’re crying every day because of his actions.
What joy is this man bringing into your life?
>I let him run my life (I’m old fashioned and prefer that)
I’m sorry but what tradition, old fashioned culture allows a man to contribute nothing while the woman does everything, but he still gets to call the shots? Are you a lion?
Old fashioned values means that he pays for absolutely everything and any money you have is your own fun money. That way its fair that you run the house, like women traditionally did. Like it was the Victorian era when advertisers started targeting women because they realized it was women who controlled the household spending.
But he hasn’t married you, makes you do everything and you drive him around like a mother. This isn’t an old fashioned relationship, this is a relationship where he fucks other women but keeps you around as a maid.
I would say probably not. He is putting in zero effort and it is wearing on you. You have developed serious issues because you have shouldered the relationship. I have been married for 12 years and can’t keep my hands of my wife(much to her frustration). It seems like that level of desire is what you are looking for(rightfully so).
I would say let him know that the relationship is done and inform him that he needs to leave.