We’ve been together for almost 2 years so it’s hard for me I need other pple insight.
She called me yesterday at night crying and told me she hooked up with other guy (just kisses) at a pub and it had just happened and she was sorry and it happened bc she was drunk.
I must be honest my answer was maybe too cold “I’d like to talk this in person have fun”.
Today we’ve met and she told me the same story. I believe her on the just kisses part, but for me the trust is broken. I told her what I felt about it but I want to be with her too. She started crying and I couldn’t help but cry too and hug her. I broke up with her.
She sent me a message about a hour ago about meeting again.
I don’t know what to do, I think the trust is broken and then a long term relationship is now impossible. But I feel this feeling of love and wanting to be with and not letting this get between us bc it was only kisses.
8 comments
it is possible to mend a relationship with infidelity, but it required so much work, patience, and honesty. there’s a chance that you may not be able to get over the fact that she cheated on you. loving someone does not mean that this is the person for you. it’s vital that you take some time away from her and figure out if this is something you want and can give energy to.
You can’t view this as “only kisses”. As you say yourself, the trust is broken. Being drunk is a poor excuse. In fact there is no valid excuse. Cheating is cheating. It’s gonna be impossible to ever fully trust her again. Anytime she goes out, you’ll always have this thought and memory in your mind. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth continuing and pushing on with her
Do you actually see yourself being able to fully trust her ever again? Anytime something goes south and an argument occurs between the two of you, this moment will always be brought up. That’s not a recipe for a healthy relationship and will only really cause the both of you to suffer long term
Some would say that kisses are actually more intimate than intercourse.
Regardless, your gf is a drunk who cannot control her behaviour when she drinks. Do you really want to waste your time with someone you can’t actually trust?
I think a lot of whether or not you two can move past this is really person dependent. I’ve been in a similar position and I was able to move past it with her. Had that been a different woman I don’t think I would have. I took some time and really thought about what I knew of her personality and the situation that led up to it. I ultimately came to the conclusion that I did still trust her and that I could get past it. Don’t get me wrong, the trust was damaged and she had to work at repairing it, which she did. So if you want to try, then get all the information you can and take the time to really think about it. If you decide you cant/won’t, that’s OK too.
If it was me and I found out she kissed a guy and never told me I’d break up. But if she drunkenly kissed a guy then immediately told me that to me is just a mistake and I could probably work past it. I would want to see effort on her part to fix the trust, but we all make mistakes at some point and drunkenly kissing someone can happen from a split second poor decision. If it’s a deal breaker for you that’s understandable, but I would think twice before you make that decision. Also it’s a bit misleading to call it hooking up because that involves sex which is not just a mistake but a serious of poor decisions and there’s no coming back from that imo.
Do you know anyone else who was there? Can you talk to them about what happened?
I think you should take a week of no contact to think about it and let her sulk in her mistake. Let her ~feel what it’s like to lose you. If you forgive her too soon it sort of comes across as naive and easily manipulated. But idk, when I gave me cheating ex a 2nd chance I couldn’t look at him the same and ended it months later… so if you forgive her, you may fall out of love over the next few weeks. Aside from blatant disrespect and breach of trust, she also put u at risk by engaging in kissing bc herpes etc. If this dude was a rando, then it may have been a mistake (yet still puts you as risk for herpes). But if this guy was an old friend or flame, I feel like you should def cut ties
You are well within your rights to end the relationship. You are well within your rights to try and forgive to work past it. However, I think you already know what you want to do. When you wrote:
“I believe her on the just kisses part, but for me trust is broken.”
A lot of times our “gut” reaction is the correct one. It doesn’t matter if the situation is one that can be worked out or not. I think, for you, this incident broke something beyond repair. Is it possible to repair the relationship? Maybe in the objective sense but not when you feel this way.
You don’t fall out of love overnight. It takes time and distance, even when your girlfriend has wronged you in such a serious way. Eventually your feelings will fade as you become accustomed to not being with her.