Hey guys I need advice, Im 25(f) recently reached out to an old friend to just hang out. We ended up having a GREAT time and we went to several clubs got drunk and literally danced and smoked hookah all night. The next day she texted me that she had so much fun and so I felt like okay this is the start of a possibly strong friendship. I then asked if she was free on Friday to go to this lounge and I legit got no response. This was on Monday. I’m genuinely confused and honestly I feel like I am a loser.

Any advice on what I should do?

I have always been social and always had a good set of friends but as the years go by I seem to be losing friends (no major fall outs just me noticing that I’m always the one initiating communication). Right now I feel lonely and I know it’s not good to internalize but I really do feel like I’m young living life like a 50 year old sometimes.

Why is making friends so hard nowadays?

** I also do not want to be misunderstood or insensitive to those who genuinely do not have friends. I am blessed to have a solid amount of friends but they are all in diff chapters and I just wanted advice on this specific instance.

15 comments

  2. I’m 26 and feel literally the exact same way!! It seems like everyone either already has friends and they don’t want to make any more, or they’re overwhelmed, distracted by their phones and social media and work and family stuff and the news. I wish I could just meet one really good friend. I texted one of my closer friend-type people who I’ve known since high school that my mom was in the ER on Monday with broken bones after falling (tru story), and she literally just didn’t respond. i don’t know. I’m just confused as to what I’m supposed to be doing honestly

  3. “Almost” friendless means you do have friends! I had a point in high school where I was telling my therapist in a depressed way that I only had two friends… she was like “dude!!! 2>0!!! You have friends!!! That’s awesome!!!”

    That paradigm shift changed my life. Twice since then I have moved to a brand new city where I know literally no one… and have spent weeks with no friends to hang out with… but I have two friends at home!!! And with patience I always made new friends. It can take months, you’ll reach out to people and it will go literally nowhere, but you have friends! And you will make more!!! You got this.

  4. Hang on, you went out over the weekend? She responded the next day(Sat or Sun?) it was a good time. You responded with an immediate followup invite for the following weekend?

    Just checking timing first to try and understand.

  5. You could try texting again, life gets busy and sometimes people just forget to reply. I wouldn’t cut her off just yet especially since you guys had such a good time. Don’t overthink it and just be casual about it

  6. Totally relatable! To add to this, it seems that the friends I do value also have their own mental health issues which get in the way of us hanging out. I obviously don’t fault them for that, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t bum me out; especially if the plan gets cancelled last minute.

    Always being the one initiating something also makes me feel like I have to put in more work than my friends to keep the friendship alive even though we have a genuinely great time together…so I get confused with that sometimes.

  8. Start where you are
    With your values and beliefs
    They play a major role in friendship building
    I like hookah lounges and drinks but I don’t think you’ll find the bestest friends there

  10. You should go to the lounge and have a good time. You should be the only one you want to impress and who knows you could find more people to have an enjoyable evening with. Everyone is so busy these days. That you shouldn’t wait for anyone to do what you want to do or before you know it you will be 50 trust me I am 46 and it doesn’t get any easier you just have to do what makes you happy and you will find like-minded people doing the same things you enjoy and not because their friend dragged them out. As long as you make sure to keep yourself safe, going out by yourself opens you up to so many possibilities.

  11. “Well maybe it’s cause you’re ugly” -Patrick Star
    /s of course, but I’m same age and in the same boat. I’ve accepted it but mostly cause I’ve done/said things to make it happen. And I don’t try to make amends cause I’m embarrassed of my mistakes I’ve made when I was ,mentally, at my lowest. However, some friends just fizzle out with time and you have to accept and keep it pushin with no hard feelings.

  12. I think it’s priorities. Some people (especially extroverts) want to have friends and a social circle in adulthood, but some people just don’t. Many just think that having a significant other, children, coworkers, in laws etc simply means they don’t really need friends anymore.

    Also, keeping friends require time and energy, and many adults don’t have that lol

  13. 27f here – Lots of people chiming in with good perspectives – I guess my 2c would be to try to tease apart these two thoughts 1) that friendship-building in general is difficult and 2) your relationship with this friend is facing difficulties. Just because 1) is true doesn’t mean that 2) therefore is true!

    Just because your friend hasn’t immediately jumped on the offer to hang this Friday doesn’t mean they don’t like you or enjoy your company! For example, say I have five friends. I work 9-5.30 min-Fri and have a dog that needs 2x walks a day. If I was to see each of my friends once per week, that would leave me two evenings max to tidy up some accumulated chaos, do chores, and have time to myself. Not very comfortable for me, personally. Add in the fact I go to various dance/fitness classes throughout the week, work late approx 1 night per week, and have family commitments and bam – I can pretty much see any one of my friends once every two weeks. I may love you to death, but unless there’s special circumstances I probably wouldn’t be able to do another big night out less than a week since the last one.

    Of course, communication really helps here. Like your friend, I am upfront about enjoying time spent but in addition I do try and be really transparent about what I can do over the next few weeks and reiterate I will always put in extra effort when it’s needed (I’ll always come over if you call me and say you need me etc). But I haven’t always communicated that well, and in the past some friends have been hurt by my distance when I didn’t communicate the why. Hence the change in communicating more.

    All this to say that yes, friendships can be difficult but I think you are getting good signals from this girl that she enjoys your interactions! It may be the case that the frequency you are looking for isn’t feasible for her and that’s OK! It’s always something you can bring up in a roundabout way, by raising the topic of friendship styles. “How do you most like to spend time with people?” “Do you think of yourself as an introvert or an extrovert?” “What’s your balance of socialising vs other stuff? Sometimes I find it hard to fit it all in hahaha” etc then you get a better idea of what someone is looking for in their friendships and you can see if it suits what you are looking for!

  14. I don’t have any friends either. I’m almost convinced I won’t ever have any again.

  15. Don’t ask them to go to the club, tell them you’re going and invite them. Even if they don’t agree to go, you go out to the club and meet people. (If the crowd sucks, leave.) Then if they don’t go, you can rib them about having a good time and “wish you were there!” Light hearted ribbing, of course.

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