I don’t think I know any other women or female friends who have been through this experience but it has kinda been messing with myself esteem. I feel I haven’t had anyone really interested in and I’ve been the one actually making things happen. This obviously leads to disaster or rejection or whatever.
I feel I’ve been putting in effort too. I’ve taken guys on really nice dates!!! Literally invited a guy to an amusement park with me for free and I drove. I think I’m an interesting person and such. I can’t really pinpoint what’s wrong.
It seems here that the memo is women asking out men leads to success but all it’s given me is failure. I don’t want to sound entitled. I’d rather just troubleshoot. I would like to know what to do? I have literally never been genuinely approached or asked out. If anything ever, it would be those people at bars/clubs who try to get anyone with a pulse.
I don’t feel I look unapproachable. There are often times where I’m alone just frolicking around campus or the city. How do I improve my dating prospects?
17 comments
Are you overweight?
I don’t think you asking out guys is a bad thing and a lot of men would love to be approached and/or asked out by women. What throws me off is the “this obviously leads to disaster or rejection or whatever.” Why would that be obvious?
Guys are far more hesitant to approach women nowadays, it is nothing personal, don’t blame yourself. Even though we are often thought to always be the ones doing the initiating that doesn’t make us impervious to rejection. That frustration you are feeling with constantly asking people out and it ultimately not leading to something more (whether is stops at initial rejection, only a few dates, etc) is the same frustration that has a lot of guys give up on trying dating or asking women out. So if you are wondering why they don’t approach you, they could be experiencing the very same struggle.
If your self esteem feels like its taken a hit that is a good sign that could take a step back from dating for a bit. It could be dating burnout. You sound like a wonderful woman, like I have never had someone take me to an amusement park, that’s dope! But we all succumb to dating burnout once in a while, we are only human.
You are also only 20, shit when I was 20 dating wasn’t even on my radar. Be patient and kind with yourself.
You’re doing things right. Most women wait for a guy to approach them, then wonder why the relationships don’t work out. You’re best finding someone you’re into instead of just picking the best of a bad bunch of men who approach women all day every day waiting for one to eventually say yes lol
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Same here. Guy btw
You are so young ! Just keep living your life and doing what you’re doing. It can take a while to find the person who’s right for you.
Didnt you get the memo from reddit that literaly all places are bad to aproach women?
I’m in the same boat. Every date I’ve been on…I did the asking. Got married…and 25 years later…..I’m single again, and I’ve yet to be approached, yet been assured I’m desirable….
So far I’m sticking with men are unsure if they should approach or not. And if the man in question is used to doing all the asking, he may not want to risk the rejection in that particular instance.
So….keep asking…you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. And hope one approaches you for a nice change.
Get better at making guys interested in you but making them think u don’t even know them
This isnt uncommon at your age nowadays. Theres a rhetoric online where guys are constantly being told its inappropriate to approach women in person. They psych themselves out because they dont wanna be labelled a creep or harrasser.
Most guys in your age group will realise this is dumb and grow out of that way of thinking in the next few yrs. Until then keep doing what you’ve been doing. Better to be proactive
Try apps
There’s so much context it’s hard to judge. You might be unapproachable, you might be not attractive (NOT SAYING THIS), you may be so gorgeous people think you can’t be bothered, or you can maybe just look super independent.
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Without really talking or seeing you on video, this is almost impossible to help. But if a girl takes me to an amusement park and pays, as a guy who is squared away early in life and I believe about at least an 8, I’m tying you down. That’s super attractive, missed this opportunity once because I was young and insecure at 23, had a girl pay for the entire dinner +$50 tip with a master’s degree. I was so shook I ghosted her.
Guys do love when girls make the moves, so honestly it must be something. And only you would know. You have to take a deep look at yourself.
If you don’t like the clubbing guys then you need to make friends with guys on campus. No guy on campus or anywhere in public will ask a random woman out because the risk of wearing the “creep,perv,fuckboy”-medal for the rest of his campus life is too high.
I’m a 23 yr old black guy and I’ve never gone on a successful date, ahaha. I had a very unsuccessful date when I was a bit younger and it went horribly. It happens! I often think its because I am not an outgoing person so I don’t meet alot of people. I want to change that, though. I’m down to exchange helpful tips to benefit both of us!
Sounds like you got sugar momma syndrome. I love sugar mommas. DM me and ask me out. That’s hot!!!
You’re 20. Give it some time.
i tell you,its rare girls ask guys out but dont worry about that,you are young