I’m falling in love with my best friend, and I don’t know what to do about it. She and I have known each other for many years, and immediately clicked from the first time we met. Over time we’ve developed this beautiful, tender friendship that I cherish. We have a bit of history between us now that complicates me moving forward with expressing my feelings.
We first met at school, and at the time she was in a long term relationship that continued for a few years. During that time I also dated someone, but right before leaving university we both went through break ups. Hers was particularly hard, and soon after we ended up moving to the same city for a year and becoming roommates. Being roommates can sometimes strain a friendship, but we got along extremely well. I think we were both grateful for each other’s company.
This was an extremely difficult time for her, as she was still getting over her ex and was very emotional (understandably!). I started trying to date again after a few months, and ended up falling very quickly for someone. She had also started seeing someone casually. As I was falling for this person, she admitted to having feelings for me one night in a particularly vulnerable moment. It was also a murky moment because I was cuddling her to comfort her (we had never done this before) because she had been really distressed about her ex.
At the time I told her that I only felt friendship towards her, understood completely how the cuddling was confusing, and would be clear with my actions moving forward. I also felt she was not in a good place emotionally for a new relationship. Things were a bit awkward between us for a bit, but our normal friendship resumed slowly and we both started dating other people. I later moved out for a new job in another city. It was a tough time for me and she kept in touch even when I wasn’t responding, sending me notes and postcards (which she does for others as well, not just me).
A few months ago I went through a breakup with the person I had been seeing, and she was there for me. Listened to me and comforted me. She was about to drop everything to visit me when she heard. I’ve felt so much clarity after this break up about what kind of a person I want by my side in life, and it’s her. I think it always has been, but we’ve never been in the same place (emotionally) to try.
I recognize I’m still healing from my breakup and need some time to myself for a bit. And I worry that maybe I’ve fixated on her in a way that is irrational, or read too much into her actions. She is currently in a relationship with someone and I don’t want to mess with that. But I also don’t know what to do with my feelings, and I wonder if there’s still hope for us one day. In general I think it’s best to leave it alone for a while and focus on myself. But I also worry if I wait too long I will miss my chance to tell her how I feel. How should I proceed?
TLDR: I am falling for my dear friend who has expressed feelings for me in the past, but is now in a committed relationship. What do I do with these feelings?