My boyfriend (31) and I (24f) have only been together for about 3 months. We’ve fought about 70% of that. We’ve known each other since January through mutual friends.
Last night and the night before he has cancelled on me for really good reasons. 1. to fix his car and 2. because he was sick and I freaked out (not on him). I couldn’t help but get super anxious and make it about me. I felt extremely bad for making it about me. (I’m in therapy and I know I’m codependent and have unreasonable fears flair up whenever we are apart.)
Last night I ended up telling him I needed some space to spend time apart from him. I know life happens, things happen, I just want to be able to accept that, learn to be okay apart from him, and that not everything is about me.
So there’s that… but I’m also becoming resentful in the relationship because while i was telling him I needed that space he hung up on me and told me he would leave my stuff with one of his friends. Saturday he called me selfish and an asshole (and i get it). but he started yelling at me in my front yard. and this isn’t the first time he has yelled at me. the reason i bring this up is because, is it worth working on myself when i asked two months ago to stop yelling at me and he hasn’t? or he points out that he does so much for me, essentially keeping score?
Also, when we started our relationship he told me he was still going to hang out with one of his exes (knowing it made me uncomfortable). I asked him then if he still had feelings for her and he said yes. This has caused HUGE trust issues. I also bring this up because sometimes i feel like our relationship was fucked from the start.
Am I being selfish for wanting this space or should I just rip off the bandaid and leave? I would want nothing more but to stay and make it work but it’s been more painful to stay lately. Even after asking for the space i felt a huge relief this morning.
It makes it a bit harder to just leave because i made the mistake of introducing him to my son (5) so soon and my son adores him.
TLDR; Should I stay in my 3 month relationship that already feels super unhealthy?
4 comments
Your relationship is unhealthy and you should stay away from him. You did good breaking things off!
Also, yes continue to work on yourself. We work on ourselves for ourselves, not for other people.
If the relationship is shitty, you get out of it. You don’t stay and try to negotiate things.
Leave now before it gets worse. 3 months isn’t too bad in terms of starting over, it will be worse the longer you stay.