I’m getting very tired of my girlfriend

Context: I’m in singapore where street food is abundant (you’ll see why below)

Let me explain my really long story, and warning, you might lose a braincell or two by reading this. Please withold judging no matter how tempting and only give advice where appropriate.

Two years ago, I was 19 and I met her through a trans dating app. She displayed her age to be 22 (more on that later) and we met just to hook up initially, but we kept meeting since I enjoyed her company and she enjoyed mine too. Before meeting me, she claimed to have slept around with a few other man because she was lonely.

Long story short, we got together, had a blast of a time for a few months, then I caught her “cheating” on me by sexting another guy on Instagram.

She tried blaming me saying that I wasn’t fully sure about the relationship because she wanted assurance but I was unsure at first because I’ve never dated someone my whole life and I just had mixed feelings about her from the beginning. Also I have never dated a male-to-female before and so I’m really unprepared in every sense

Anyways that’s her excuse for blaming me, she said “you always tell me there are many people out there” which I believe is true. I just say that because i at that point of time couldn’t tell if I was into this long term.

Also I’m young and horny. I met her because I just wanted to have fun and didn’t have a plan to stay. And so this is where things get abit wierd. I actually had a plan of trying out a one way open relationship. I wasn’t interested in dating other women but I was just sexually open. She (ironically) claimed to be asexual so she was okay with it being one way. This idea had nothing to do with the incident but it happened in that similar time. I think it’s important to include in for context.

After that incident, we started arguing alot. For a lack of a better way of putting this, she turned from an angel to THAT person who would love to argue about everything. Those funny videos you see of the stereotypical girlfriend arguing when the guy didn’t even have a problem? She became that.

Fast forward a few months, we were planning to go overseas for awhile, suddenly she broke down and told me that she’s actually 9 years older. Meaning that she’s 30 now, while I’m 21. And when I asked her why she lied, she said she really liked me and didn’t want to lose me. But then she resorted to “cheating” also to try and get me to break up with her. She then told me that she actually met a guy and brought him back 3 times but according to her, they didn’t have sex. He was just on the bed beside her but she rejected his advances 3 times.

Also she just cannot commit to anything good. I’ll argue to the point of borderline being suicidal with her over just trying to cook at home and eating healthily or even encouraging her to exercise. She will tell me shit like “I don’t wanna go to the gym because I don’t want big arms” and when we walk around places with junk food she will suddenly be very enthusiastic about the junk food and when I don’t want to she will act very disappointed.

And it’s so irritating because she will always ask me when she knows I’ll say no. The problem is I can’t even ignore her and let her be because she wants me to care. And when I care, I really show her and explain to her everything I know about cooking at home,eating healthily and all that lifestyle shit. But she always complains and makes excuses and it gets to the point I’m like ” just do whatever you want I’ll do whatever I want”, then she will complain that I give up on her. It’s really annoying. It’s like trying to drag a dead horse to some place. Everytime I try to discourage her from eating junk food she says “you’re controlling me”. Okay she can always do whatever she wants but she will say I don’t care about her.

Lastly I’m abit of a minimalist. I hate wasting money on items I’ll never use. She’s actually pretty wealthy and she has a wardrobe full of clothes, 3 times the size of my mom’s. Yet she only wears 5 oversized shirts. She keeps buying shit online and when I tell her not to she says “I’m controlling her”

I can’t get the content of the arguments here. But from my point of view, I’m always trying to solve things logically but she’s always being irrational, almost on purpose. And recently it has gone so bad that sometimes she will even faint when I’m explaining to her. Other times she will call her dad about it and tell him that “I’m trying to control her”. Funnily enough the father thinks I’m reasonable about eating healthy. I believe as well its due to him having chronic diseases at an earlier age, and it’s the result of his bad eating habits.

The craziest thing is that she is so sick and tired of arguing and she would cry about it and yet she always seems to be the one starting it.

I just cannot understand why it’s so dreadful. I’ve actually gotten suicidal over it. When we are not arguing things are good, I enjoy her presence ,her touch, and her silliness. But when we argue it’s hell. I have never felt depressed, anxious, angry and borderline suicidal over this because she makes no sense to me.

I blame myself sometimes. Maybe because I met her on an app, maybe because i am too stupid to confirm her age,maybe because I opened up the relationship for myself, maybe because I didn’t commit like how any normal good boyfriend should, maybe because I’m committed to being healthy, maybe because I’m frugal.

I’m at this point where every single day I’m looking at other women thinking to myself :”is my life gonna be so much easier if I stop being such a dumbass and just wife one of them up, and be like a normal guy in a normal relationship whatever normal means? Should I just throw away my instant pot, and eat street food for the rest of my life and say screw it?”

Would I just have a better love life if I didn’t care?

I’m sorry if this is a baggage because I just don’t know what to do. It’s a love hate whereby I love her for who she is but I hate everything she does and even when I let go and ignore she still is problematic.

What’s keeping us together is that outside of all the arguing, we actually really enjoy each others time. It used to be 100% of the time but now its like 50%

TDLR:

I’m just really tired guys. And she keeps blaming me like as if I’m not normal to have my own mindset. I just feel like giving up

[Edit] additional context

– Her spending habits are really bad even my parents are worried for me. Yes, she lied to them and my friends about her age as well because I introduced her to them before I found out.

– She’s 30, not working, and taking money from her dad. Even me encouraging her to do something she loves and make money out of it is “controlling” (more on the comments below)