My friend (27F) and I (25F) have been friends for 7 months. We’ve only been seeing each other from a different perspective for the past three months, and we clearly have a strong connection. That this is the person to whom I can open up because I know she understands everything I say and feel. And the same thing happens to her. We genuinely care about one another.
I can feel a strong magnetic attraction between us, and I’ve tried to figure out what it is that we share. I assumed this was a platonic relationship in which we love and care for each other but there is no sex involved.
We talked about it, and she admitted to me that she has feelings for me romantically. She does not believe we are in a platonic relationship, but she does believe we are spiritually connected. We also believe that one partner cannot meet all of our needs, and that we need a number of different of spiritual connections in our lives.
But it wouldn’t be a problem if we were both single. However, my friend has been in a committed relationship for over three years. I also know her girlfriend. In short, she told me that she initially treated her gf as a sister. Their relationship isn’t particularly passionate, but it helps balance her emotions. And, of course, I don’t want to get involved in their relationship or hurt her girlfriend.
So far, we are both content with our current situation. To be honest, we have no intentions. Just cherish the connection we have. We don’t believe this is an affair, but I’m not sure how far it can go. I’m thinking that at some point, I’ll have to keep my distance or give some time away from this connection when I feel we can’t hold ourselves together any longer.
I’m sure many of you have been in this situation. What happened if you kept being together?
TL;DR! My friend and I share a strong spiritual bond. She is romantically interested in me. She’s also in a relationship. I’m not sure how to keep our relationship healthy.
7 comments
>She does not believe we are in a platonic relationship, but she does believe we are spiritually connected. We also believe that one partner cannot meet all of our needs, and that we need a number of different of spiritual connections in our lives. But it wouldn’t be a problem if we were both single.
Sorry dude, I read this half a dozen times, and it just doesn’t make any sense to me.
If this isn’t a platonic relationship, then what is it? More? Less?
If you believe that a partner cannot meet all your needs, why is this relationship a problematic one because neither of you are single?
Stop this “spiritual bond” shit. You are trying to romanticize an emotional affair.
This is why people don’t like their partners having “platonic” friends of the gender that their partners are attracted to. It just leads to unhealthy and messed up situations and unnecessary temptations like this.
Decide what it is you actually want and stop hurting the 3rd person please.
Also, spiritual connections don’t exist outside of fairy tales.
You two are twisting yourselves into pretzels to fancy up a basic, boring old emotional affair. You cannot maintain this relationship in a healthy way. The foundation of this relationship is rotten, and nothing good can grow out of it. Stop lying to yourself and move on to someone who is actually available.
>We talked about it, and she admitted to me that she has feelings for me romantically.
This is a red flag – something you need to get sorted out.
Being friends is great. Having special, intense connections is great. But situations where one person is interested in a romantic relationship and the other person isn’t is NOT great.
You say you are both content with your current situation, but … I don’t think that’s true. I think she’s telling you that she would like more.
You say you know her girlfriend. What does her girlfriend know about you, and your relationship? It may be true, but “she treated her girlfriend as a sister, their relationship isn’t passionate” is, uh … the kind of thing cheaters say.
Is her girlfriend comfortable with your level of emotional intimacy?
Either she’s open and honest with her girlfriend about her poly desires and her feelings for you, and the girlfriend is fine with it, or you’re the bit on the side.
So she told you the classic cheater story and you believe her?