Me and my bf have been together for 6 months. We only live about 5 minutes from each other, but we’re frequently going in-between houses. I’ve been staying at his place a lot and sometimes it’s on a whim so I’m unprepared.
I feel it would be helpful if I just kept a few things at his place (a pair of pjs, toothbrush, makeup wipes). I asked him if I could do this and he just said no. He kind of made a joke about it and said “you’re just trying to leave a trace of you”. He wouldn’t really elaborate why I couldn’t do this.
It’s making me feel weird, we love each other and are intimate so I can’t understand why I can’t leave a couple things over.
How can I talk about this with him?
44 comments
Can’t have other women asking who’s bag is that
Tell him how you feel. Also that’s so sus. My bf and I have been together for 6 months too. He has a drawer for my stuff and also has a toothbrush and my preferred body wash and looks for me. He bought those things too. We also live within 5 mins of each other
He “loves you” but won’t let you leave a toothbrush at his house?
Sketchy as shit or just plain dumb.
So suspect. That’s just…… odd.
I’d start with making it clear this is a serious topic. Don’t go so far as the dreaded “we need to talk” but maybe something like: “I want to know why its a problem for me to leave a bag at your place? Your motives are what i’m after here not quips or a change in your decision. This is important to me.” Then let the conversation happen naturally from there…
I see people saying its sus and bad but honestly it may not be. I get super territorial and when I want to be my my space it needs to feel like MY space. I have a wife and daughter so my space is my basement. When I lock the door at the top of the stairs no one else comes here unless they are invited by me and only for as long as I am comfortable sharing my space with them. If he has a similar attitude his place may just need to be his place and having other peoples things could be uncomfortable. I get stressed just thinking of my father in laws crap that he seems to think I can store for him indefinitely. I’ve been tempted to leave it out as bulk trash more than once… Now that i’m thinking of it I kind of want to burn it and the shed its stored in all to the ground… Maybe i’m just crazy and broken. I hope this is helpful.
Extremely odd.
I would probably be bothered by this since it seems so simple, but some people just don’t want to start that cycle of feeling like they’re married/tied down early. Or the dreadful breakup afrermath of needing to get your stuff.
If he has the same feelings he shouldn’t have a problem. Are you seeing him regular? Maybe he’s seeing someone on the days your not. That could be the issue.
Is men are really immature!
Can use this as an opportunity to have the ‘what are we, where are we going talk.’ Ask him to talk, lay out your feelings, ask him straight up if he is cheating or doesn’t want to commit.
sounds like hes got side bitches. why else would he talk about “leaving a trace”. who thinks like that except a cheater?
sorry, but you should be EXTREMELY skeptical. and do leave something over for sure. if he gets rid of it or hides it, that’s enough confirmation for me.
wear condoms and get an std test. look yourself out. shits not normal.
Well, he’s told you why he doesn’t want you to:
>“you’re just trying to leave a trace of you”.
He doesn’t want a trace of you at his apt. He won’t elaborate because there’s no good way to say “when other women are here I can’t have evidence of a GF.”
Seems you’re more invested than he is.
Usually this turns into code for moving in, even when the relationship hasn’t progressed to that level. He may feel like it starts with a small bag then, later you take away the choice or discussion about moving in because all your stuff is somehow already there.
Then he is not your boyfriend.
Just keep a toothbrush in your purse and makeup wipes if you need them. He’s probably afraid you will move things in a little at a time until you are there permanently. Keep a night bag in your car if you need a change of clothes in the morning. There is no need to make this a big deal so soon in the relationship.
I have multiple theories.
Either he’s not into you as much as you think he is.
Or he doesn’t want any of your belongings left at his place because it will be suspicious to other women he brings over.
Or, the thought of you starting to bring some of your stuff over freaks him out a little. It may give him the wrong impression that you’re trying to slowly move your way in. Maybe this is something he has experienced in the past with someone else he has dated.
I would definitely talk to him about it and get to the bottom of what his issue is. If you’re spending that much time over, and spending nights with him, it only makes sense to keep a few things over there. It’s been six months…
Just stop staying the night as you dont have anything there. sooner or later he is going to want you to stay so he will need to wake up.
honestly it sounds like he’s projecting. he doesnt want other girls to see your bag so he’s accusing you of being jealous instead
You’re a side chick or he has side chicks. After six months it’s just a toothbrush come on now
Yeah I don’t even know how to approach this tbh. That’s just very odd
Sorry but this looks really vad, it looks like he is cheating and does’t want evidence that you exist so the other one doesn’t find out, he subconsciously confessed.
Errr… I don’t think he’s your boyfriend
If you’re 5 minutes away then leave the overnight bag at your place, and then whenever you need it, go get it.
Otherwise it looks like your boyfriend has made his stance known on the topic
Is he Mr Big?
I think you need to look into the ‘we love each other’ part more closely.
Now I’m all for people being confident in their relationships and being able to make statements like that but sometimes, they’re a bit delusional. It’s early days and he doesn’t want any of your stuff at his place knowing it would make you more comfortable. So that means he isn’t for making you comfortable. You make the people you love feel comfortable.
Quit staying over at his place. If he asks, tell him you need your stuff and don’t feel like coming back if you have to go get it.
You need two things:
1. Leave this guy
2. Stop using makeup wipes bc this clog your pores.
I wouldn’t trust this … that’s not good at all.
My inner being says he is seeing others.
You leave something another may notice.
That’s just my feeling ..
I’d want to have a “what are we/where do we see this going conversation” and I’d stop staying over if i’m not prepared. And I probably wouldn’t prepare unless specific stay over plans had been made, no just in case toothbrush in my purse. And, just to really hammer home the point, I’d pick up an extra toothbrush to keep at mine so if he ends up wanting an impromptu sleepover it can be offered to him.
No means no. Your not entitled to his space.
He’s not letting you leave stuff at his house because he doesn’t want the other women he’s dating to know about you, either. That’s exactly why he made that joke, that wasn’t actually a joke.
You’re incredibly naive if you think it’s anything else.
I’ve been with my boyfriend a little over a year now, and he’s moving into a place five minutes from me. He was the one who brought up me leaving some things at his place so I can stay over even if I don’t pack and bring things with me. He volunteered making space for me to leave some things at his place. Like girl, your bf is being super shady about it. I would definitely be suspicious.
Mr Big vibes…
My bf let me do this after a week ……. He’s cheating on you
This is odd behaviour especially when you are in a serious relationship you do the best to accommodate and support and compromise with your partner and vise versa.
And that does not sound like a joke at all, he thinks you have ulterior motives when you actually don’t. By default, that has guilty written all over it. Regardless if he wants to play it off or not.
You wouldn’t say no to your partner stuff in your apartment and even eventually moving in. Unless, he is not seeing a future with you and therefore the relationship is one sided. You find it serious and he on the other hand just a out of a moment thing.
Don’t spend the night. Tell him you need to leave because your things are at home. Or only stay at your home and don’t allow him to bring things over
He’s the one you should be asking to elaborate, all we can do is speculate. And it usually end with “leave this ungrateful bum, this is a ton of red flags etc etc”
It might be that he doesn’t want things to get that seious. If that’s the case though, you may need to reevaluated if you want to continue investing your time in him. I know if I were spending nights at someone’s house, and vice versa, I would probably already have some expectations of it eventually leading to something more long term.
I’d sit and ask him about what he meant, and what he sees for your guys future. It’s better to know now before you invest more of yourself emotionally.
I have space issues. It was a lot for me when my boyfriend stayed over. I didn’t want any of his stuff here :/ wasn’t cheating, I just felt very overwhelmed to have someone else’s things in my space. When he eventually moved in, it was a big adjustment for me.
I’m saying this because it could potentially be that, and I think you should try talking to him about it.
why would he be mad about you leaving “a trace”? find a new boyfriend this one is trash
I wasn’t even dating my current gf when I went out of my way to get her, her own hairbrush and tooth brush to keep at my place for when she stayed over.
If I had to bet, he doesn’t want someone to know you’re there.
You might be having other girls at the apartment that’s why he doesn’t want a trace
My bf have been together over a year and half and we never kept stuff at each other’s places. Why do people think this is a determining factor if someone is cheating or not. I like my space and him his. Never a need to leave stuff. Maybe he just doesn’t want you to think you can encroach on his space. 6 months is not a long time together.