This is just a fact. Of course there are people that generally are dry texters. But if you somewhat know them and they are constantly checking their phone and texting who knows, but you have to wait hours or days for them to reply, you have your answer on wether or not they are interested and you don’t need to waste your time.
If they don’t even “see”, you know what i mean, your message then they read it on the homescreen and delibaretly chose to keep you as a notification.
In person they cannot choose to not respond or pretend to not hear you. When it comes to texting they have control over the interaction. Then you see what they do with this control.
46 comments
Wooooah. This LITERALLY just happened to one of my bestest friends! She told to a guy she was busy, apologising and told him that she’d reply soon. Guy messaged her the next day saying not to worry and wished her all the best.
She was shocked cause she really did want to message him, but needed time (at this point she was taking about a day to reply to him just because she’s really preoccupied). She feels like she needs to explain that he might have misunderstood her, but he’s already left her on unread.
I told her EXACTLY what OP has posted, but she’s torn and still feels like she needs to clarify with him. LOL I’m going to need to show her this post.
Thank you OP, this REALLY couldn’t have come at a better time.
To me it’s really about respecting the person texting. I get that not everybody is glued to their phone so you can’t expect immediate replies. But I think there’s a certain timeframe where you should try to at least send a quick reply message. Maybe a couple hours and a full day is definitely too long. That just shows that they really aren’t into it or they just don’t respect the other person’s time and effort.
My limit is 10 hours. I cannot think of one single reason they could not reply within 10 hours. Other than they don’t want to. So after 10 hours without a reply, I’m done.
A girl messaged me after 3 days…
Guy I’ve been seeing that seemed interested and had amazing dates with replied he’s “busy” and nothing else. Fuck these people
It’s interesting, for some people I am not that interested in I might reply quickly but people I am interested in I might take longer because I want to reply properly.
But more than a day without a valid reason I agree.
I agree but it’s irritating and a red flag.when too demanding.
I wholeheartedly disagree
I can take a LONG time to respond. It’s not because I’m not interested. It’s not because I don’t like you. It’s because answering takes time and energy and more often than not I just don’t have that. Do I make an effort? Of course! But sometimes that might take a day.
Also, whenever I’m really engrossed in something I don’t notice what’s happening around me. I could get a call but I don’t hear it. Hours pass but to me it feels like the day just started. So I can go a really long time without responding just because I’m genuinely not checking my phone.
But I also make sure people know this about me from the start and my friends understand 😂 I often answer fast, if it’s something that takes a quick fix, but they know I can sometimes disappear for a day before I get back to them
Not necessarily but 99% yes
If someone is really interested, they will *make* time for you. They’ll initiate conversations via *X* method, and they will quickly reply to anything you send them.
I totally agree.
There is this girl at church that will never respond to my text messages (church related or not) but she is always the first person to come up and say hi to me when she sees me at church. 🤔🤔🧐🧐🤷♂️.
She once told me she’s a bad texter but I call bulshit on that because she makes time to post on snapchat , Facebook, and Instagram almost everyday.
Edit
I’m just going to be blunt for a second. If the girl from church doesn’t make time to answer my text , I honestly don’t even want her to say hi to me .
It depends how long the message is. If the message is short and they are ignoring it but replying to other people, then it does convey interest. If the message is long and requires thought and detail, then a few hours or half a day is ok. I have also been really excited to text a crush and that holds me back a bit, but nothing more than like 10 minutes.
I don’t have text conversations during work hours 🤷
If they take a day to respond move on
I was surprised that my current girlfriend was such a responsive texter, it was so much different than what I’m used to. What’s even weirder is, when we hang out, she only checks her phone for notifications for a split second maybe once every hour or two, because she has kids.
She’s not on it for fun, or to text everyone all the time, like every other woman I’ve dated recently. But she makes time to text me constantly throughout the day. I love it, I got super lucky.
Or you could … ask them what is up rather than making wild assumptions
Yeah, can’t expect other people to think about you if they have others they’re interested in. So, just peace out and find someone else.
I just had a discussion on this yesterday with a man I went on one date with. I just thought he wasn’t interested in me anymore.
He had left a conversation on a “Oh that’s nice.” So that night I reached out to him again. He informed me that he was heading to bed. I told him to have a goodnight, and he replied for me to have a good night. Then crickets until yesterday when he sent me the have a nice life and it isn’t cool to ghost people message, 2 weeks after the fact.
In my eyes, he didn’t try to continue a conversation we were having. I still tried to initiate a new convo a few hours later. By us both saying goodnight that conversation was concluded. In his eyes, since he text last, and since I didn’t initiate a new conversation I “ghosted him.”
There is no rhyme or reason to any of it to be honest. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
I agree. I dated this guy who was always on his phone posting on social media and texting others, but would go hours without replying to me and with super dry texts. It was definitely frustrating
Exactly.
A girl texted me after a month and because of that she has been in seen for a few years now.
This. So much this
I am most likely going to get flak for my response but as a shitty texter hear me out. I will leave people on notifications or on read for days, not because I don’t care about them, if you scored my number I care about you bc less than 30 people are in my contacts. I am a very reclusive person, i am easily overwhelmed by constant forced communication.
Idgaf about what you had for dinner or if you slept funny, texts are usually ignored unless very important but if you call me? I will drop everything and be there. My friends and family all know this and rely on me more than their day to days for support bc they know I am not a fake generic tommy texter. I have a kid, I run my own business and I have 5 acres of land to contend with. I am a busy woman who would rather spend her hour or two of calm a day roaming social media and reading over texting about nothing
Agree with this fully, especially because I personally don’t care to respond for days if I’m not interested. Different situations change the dynamic. If they take a few hours to respond here and there, but eventually go back to normal response times at some point, I think that’s fine. Also if it’s late at night and they just don’t reply till the next day, also fine. Whether they apologize for taking long to respond is also a good sign.
But if it’s like hours or days in between every single time, and the responses are dry, or God forbid if you have to send another “hey remember me” text, yeah you have your answer. Move on.
If it’s during their work hours or mine, I understand not responding right away. During my work hours I will initially communicate that I am busy with work and will chat later. But I have seen the non response in person. I have seen them responding to everyone and know their habits on the phone. When I called them on it they were defensive. Not wanting to admit that I was not as high on their list as they led me to believe.
Tbh I find myself easily drained from daily responsibilities and that’s why I don’t text back. I wish ppl would text bc they were trynna hang out. Depends on person but usually it ain’t that deep
I disagree sometimes you don’t want to overwhelm your love interest with talking to them too too much. Your friends get all your crazy memes. Nothing wrong about it
Agreed this should be common knowledge
I think it’s way more complex than that.
Some people are very busy with work and other stuff and have to respond to a lot of messages immediately. Maybe they want to think out their responses to you or are distracted.
So yeah based on my experience I would say this isn’t completely valid.
I totally agree. I actually don’t have my messages displayed on my home screen, so I can not read them unless I actually open them up, but I still can see the notification that I have a message
100% agreed and I will never be among the crowd that thinks taking 1-2 days to reply is acceptable. I’ve had quite a bit of dating experience and it’s definitely true that if they’re taking that long to reply they’re not going to be worth my time.
Like with friendships I’ll sometimes take a couple days to reply but they’re friends. Dating is different and you really need to feel like you have a connection with that person to continue on. Definitely doesn’t feel like a connection when they can’t be bothered to send you even a quick text within a day
In my experience it kind of depends…this guy replies to my texts SO fast that I think it misled me/gave me false hope, because in-person he’s like a completely different person: distant and even aloof.
If people are interested, they WILL respond to you. That has been such an incredibly hard lesson for me to learn. I still find myself trying to make up a million excuses for people that don’t, but they will. Very few people nowadays are in a situation where they literally cannot respond, and if so, you would know (ie, if they can’t have their phone at work, etc.) At the very least, someone should be able to say “hey, can’t talk right now, ill respond when I can!”
It’s SAD that such obviousness needs to be explained.
This goes for friends too honestly
Completely agree! And if they are like that just disconnect from those individuals, if they were really interested they would make us feel like a “priority” not an “option”.
Don’t put effort into people that aren’t putting it into you. Simple.
I couldn’t be interested in a man who monitored how much I was was was texting because I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. Like yikes!
When I was single, I intentionally set the expectations I wasn’t going to text a woman all day everyday. I used the phone to setup dates and that’s it. When I’m away, I wanted the freedom to live my life. It also gave us more to talk about in-person.
Too many people want textationships opposed to actual relationships. Some women that was a Dealbreaker which was a bonus for me.
what if you’re dating? my current boyfriend and I have been dating a few months and he sucks at texting. yet when we’re together he is on his phone lots. not being disrespectful but just when there’s a lull in the convo or when there’s a commercial break while watching TV.
Yes if theyre constantly on the phone and not replying then thats pretty much a “move on buddy” situation.
However, I know people (myself included now cause life), who dont get the time often to reply as quickly so theres that case as well.
I had one girl who did that. After trying and trying to start a convo, I gave up. Later on she texted me which made me sad .
This could be true, but for example I have a work group that is always active during certain hours and I 100% have to at least look at the convos
And I leave people as notification on purpose precisely to remind me to text them in a bit
So theres valid exceptions
Of course that waiting days for an answer is either they’re busy (texting other people maybe work) or they just don’t have interest
In person they have control, they just don’t have emotional intelligence to say that conversation is not of their interest.
It is important to understand, or if really necessary ask if they are not really interested. That is also emotional intelligence.
If I don’t really need to talk to x person, I do not make things awkward asking if they are not interested, I’d rather have conversations of value with people that really want to have them with me.
well fuck. Explains a lot of my overthinking and hurts
Not necessarily, I’ve been interested in people and left on unread for days. I actually deliberately read it on the home screen sometime and then leave the message unopened for days because I’m too tired or busy to reply. l leave it unopened because the notification remains as a marker in the app so that I won’t forget completely. I will come back to it just not if I’m busy or tired because I want to be able to take the time to send an honest and full response. Generally I’m only like that while I’m travelling, but didn’t mean I’m not interested in them. And at the same time I’ll still be messaging other people because I don’t care as much if the message comes across wrong for those people. But yeah I agree with you otherwise.
Yeah had a girl and we basically texted all day for a month when we weren’t at each other’s place. One day the texts started getting drier and drier. After a week we texted like half as much as we did before. Eventually she told me we won’t happen she met someone else and she’s sorry.