Good day fellow Redditors. I come to you to seek some advice and help with my current situation. So,2 months ago I (15M) have met a girl which we’ll call X (15F). X found me through some of my mutual friends (not important for the story),and decided to talk to me. I asked those mutual friends about her and who she is and upon them saying she’s okay as a person I decided to get into forming a potential friendship with her. We started going out and talking frequently and we really connected quickly. Around a month ago,we both developed stronger feelings,not on par with romantic ones tho,and decided to start a purely platonic relationship,which has noticeably progressed at a pace we’re both comfortable with. I’d say the relationship itself is healthy,we respect each other,still hold our individuality and consider the other’s thoughts and feelings. Now, highschool is about to being for us both in 2 weeks. An important thing to notice is we both identify as pansexual,with the only difference being I’m aromantic as well. We’re both aware of that,and validate those. Now, I’m a bit worried for highschool, because,in theory,due to my nature/biology, I’d be able to form these stronger bonds/connections with multiple people at once. I’m scared if that was to happen to me in highschool and how X would react. I asked her about that yesterday and it led to her saying she’s instantly distance herself from me and descending into insecure thoughts. An important thing to mention is she can’t feel romance for now due to previous childhood trauma (which,according to her psychiatrist,should be emotionally healed in a few years),and has a few issues (among which anxiety, insecurity,mild suicidal tendencies,attachment issues etc.). I really don’t know what to do,and every time I think about it my head starts to hurt because I see possible bad outcomes for whatever I decide. If I do develop this connection/feelings for someone other than her as well without ours suffering, I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared of us distancing because as of now she has no one else who is as emotionally and psychologically supportive,and I’m afraid she’d do something bad to herself. On the other hand I never wanted nor thought it’d become this serious,but it feels nice and I genuinely love her and care for her. She says she wants the status quo and that’s it out of our relationship,no less and no more. I don’t even know what to do in the future and with our relationship. Please help,all I can think of for now is either suppressing my feelings if I develop them toward someone else or degrading us back to close friends,which both seem like bad choices to me.
TLDR: platonic partner got too attached for my liking and I’m not sure what to do if I developed the same feelings for someone else too
1 comment
She doesn’t need you to stay with her out of pity and her health isn’t your responsibility. You are framing a lot of your thoughts around her needs, but what do you want or need? You should never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. I think you may need to take a couple of days away from her and sort through your feelings to figure out what you want moving forward as you both prepare to have some rather big transitions in life.