My wife (we are both 31) is a very open person, very confident and comfortable in her own skin. It’s one of the things I love about her, and attracted me to her in the first place. I wouldn’t change her even if I could.
Her openness is very different from that of my family, though. I’m from a more conservative and religious background. My wife dresses in a more revealing way and will talk more freely about sex and sexual topics than my family is used to, and she has started to become kind of known for that. My mother in particular seems to think it’s a bit much at times (her bikini on a recent vacation was a topic, as was a comment about blow jobs).
Does anyone have experience navigating this kind of thing?
22 comments
Ask her to tone it down in front your family? I mean talking about blowjobs in front of the inlaws is not considered normal for most people
You knew what she was like when you married her. She’s not the issue, you need to support your wife.
I am kind of like your wife minus the confidence, but I am outspoken. My husband is like you from a conservative religious family. I make sure out of respect that I have for my in-laws not to talk about and/or say anything that they might find offensive. I don’t curse around them and pretty much follow their lead with conversations, so I don’t talk about something that would be offensive to them. I’m not saying everyone should do what I do, but I do it out of the respect and love I have for them and my husband.
One simple answer to those comments “that is why I love and will not change her in slightest”.
Shuts everybody up.
There is open, and there is inappropriate. When one’s openness is foisted on someone else, it becomes intrusive.
If you can’t handle hanging with a baddie u should not have married one.
I come from a pretty conservative family, not like them at all. I keep to the general rule of “don’t say anything you wouldn’t want a 6 year old repeating in front of their teacher”. When you’re around more conservative people, just act like there’s a child standing under your elbow, soaking up every single word. Keeps me in check every time lol
I am an open person too but I have a manner and I respect others. So although I am very open to my bf, I keep my manners to his friends and his mum as this is nothing to do with my openness but it’s a manner and social rule. Therefore your wife is not open person . She is just disrespectful and doesn’t give a fuck around her which is very unattractive to me
I like to think I’m very open as well but I also know how to read the room. I wouldn’t talk about blowjobs to my boss or my mom, but I would to a friend. If she can’t(or won’t) learn when that sort of thing is appropriate then try to have a conversation with her about that.
Censoring how she dresses is absolutely out of the question. Let her wear any damn thing she pleases. Reminding her your family is conservative about sex though and asking her to watch what she says is not out of the realm of acceptable though. However when she slips up, do not get mad. As long as she is making an effort appreciate it and laugh off anything else.
It is perfectly find to be open. But there are manners that dictate the appropriate topics of conversations for people and places. It is not unreasonable to have her limit her comments of a sexual nature to the appropriate places and people. Your family is not that place.
There are many conversations that I can have with my friends that I don’t have with my mother. Conversations I have with my friends that I can’t have with my children. Conversations I have with my family that I wouldn’t have with my minister.
This is not any kind of censorship.
Now the bikini thing? Unless it was a micro micro bikini or one of those see through jobs let her wear what she wants.
How she dresses isn’t an issue but maybe the sex language. I think it’s okay to be totally open about sex, but you have to be conscious of how other people feel about it.
I would pick my battle on this one and not mention anything about the clothing but maybe remind her that your family might find certain topics offensive and if she could make an effort to keep that chat away from them. Reassure her that you love her openness but that your family find it uncomfortable. I wouldn’t mention anything about it being a topic of conversation. Just say you noticed your mums reaction and you want to save her the discomfort.
you can ask her to stop talking about bajowskis around your meemaw but her swimwear choices are absolutely none of their business
Those who dress openly keep personal distances under control with their demeanor and words.
It’s tiring to think about how someone who talks to your family like that is at work and socially.
For many people, the thought occurs that they can talk about anything and are ready to jump into bed.
If you’re not considering an open relationship, you should be careful.
It’s on her to learn that whatever you are comfortable with, there is a time and place for everything. I like walking around in underwear, but I keep that at home, I would put something on to a wedding, for example.
Stand up for your wife. Your whiney family is the problem.
She needs to learn boundaries. Read the room.
Please send us a picture of her in the bikini and also describe her blowjob technique.
What’s that you say—that’s creepy and intrusive?
There’s your answer.
I mean…some people are open about their sexuality and some aren’t. As you said, she is and your family isn’t. I’m rather outspoken about sex, and thankfully my gf’s family is, too, in a way (mainly jokes).
If you have a very conservative family with a very sexually oppressive religion they are devout in, you’re just going to have to white knuckle it. I’ve brought home girls who had plastic surgery/did their make up a certain way/dressed a certain way/had tattoos and piercings/etc. that my family balked at but ultimately I just ignored it.
May not be the best strategy but there’s no way to really deal with it other than maybe sitting your parents down and being like “Look, her sexuality is one of the things I love about her and you guys need to get used to it.”
Your wife seems awesome, by the way. Mine wears itsy bitsy bikinis and talks about blowjobs, too.
it’s going to get her in trouble at work. if she doesn’t respect your mother’s space… why would she respect anyone, anywhere? tell her to learn how to read a room…Jesus.
Enjoy it
Not really, but you can just tell her your family is more conservative, and doesn’t really talk like that.
She should understand that it’s okay to show a little bit more or less of your personality depending on who you’re around.
Like I don’t joke with my grandma like I do my best friends.