I (m18) have brought up problems in the past with my girlfriend (f18) and we have been able to come to solutions that we can both agree on. But she has never brought one up to me. Not to say that there hasn’t been one but I’m just left to fumble in the dark to guess when I’m doing something she doesn’t like and it can seem for quite a while that she is totally fine with something she actually isn’t. I’m starting to feel suffocated with the stress of trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong when she won’t talk to me about it. Is there something I can do here?
TLDR: My girlfriend won’t talk to me about what I do that frustrates her and I’m feeling stressed trying to figure it out for her.
2 comments
Yeah, if you’re under this much stress then it’s not worth it and it’s not meant to be. You have amazing patience but to be in a relationship communication is important, now’s not the time to be shy and keep a closed mouth. If she doesn’t talk about it then she doesn’t care enough. I’m just saying she might have the ick and is trying to ignore it but you obviously see something is wrong.
Terrible communication it’s time to split.
Have a talk about it. Let me help you get the most out of that talk:
1. State how you feel, not how she’s making you feel. This way you avoid putting unnecessary blame on anyone.
2. State how happy you would be if she could share more to you, not how miserable you are because she isn’t sharing anything.
1 and 2 imply taking responsibility for your feelings, show emotional vulnerability and a positive outlook on the situation. This is very important as a “talk” would often mean smth bad happened and we’re about to get a scolding from our parents. And like it or not we copy a lot of parental patterns in relationships. Ease her in and highlight your best qualities as individuals and as a couple, set the situation up for success, not for a defensive row on both sides.
3. State how much you appreciate her and ask her how she feels.
4. This is where things branch off. She will tell you things you like and things you don’t like. All I can say is keep calm, trust your gut, and remember you did all you could. None of what she says is a product of your words or your responsibility. You gave her a safe environment and did things as best as you could. She is as well.
If she’s not ready to share with you or even consider working on it you gotta pick a side. Either accept her for who she is and that she may never share to you like you do, or end things if you can’t be healthy in this environment. Other girls more compatible for you exist and other guys more compatible for her exist.
If she’s ready to work on it, make a plan. Discuss what both of you can do to make this situation better. Don’t just say “we’ll work on it”, have a celebratory fuck then wonder why after 1 week of things being perfect it’s back to ground zero.
Hope I helped OP, take each of these with a grain of salt as every relationship is unique in its own beautiful way