My husband has always been very needy and clingy, but also very caring and sweet. I love his sweetness and was able to tolerate the clinginess until recently. It’s all just becoming too much.
My husband wants to be in constant contact with me- texting me all day, calling multiple times a day for no reason. He even regularly follows me around the house when we are both home. If I go outside, he goes outside. If I go lay down to take a nap, he follows to take a nap, and so on. And of course, the more I pull away the more clingy he becomes.
It seems his moods are completely dependent upon mine- if I am in a sour mood because of work he literally tracks my every movement- watching me. If I am not happy, he is not happy. And it’s at times like this when I need space the most, and get the opposite.
He also doesn’t have any goals or hobbies, he works but that is it. He basically just waits at home for me if he isn’t at work. If I go out with a friend he wants to text me the entire time I am out, and waits up for me. He is also the type that needs constant direction around the home, he doesn’t take initiative and waits for me to tell him what needs to be done. It’s like I am the sun he orbits and it’s suffocating me. It’s like he has no interests outside of me. I’m afraid if it continues I will just file for divorce to finally gain some independence. It seems like as the relationship continues he becomes more clingy and dependent on me.
Any advice on how to handle this?
Also please resist trolling with comments like “you knew how he was so why did you marry him”.
7 comments
Have to actually asked him for space?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/wsj8qm/how_neediness_is_killing_your_relationship/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
This was shared earlier. Do you think he would be interested in reading it?
The issue is your husband and you need to talk with him and work out where is clingy behaviour came from.
Being clingy alway’s has a reason and he needs to work on it and seek therapy to deal with it.
You alone can’t do anything but set boundaries and offer him support.
If he isn’t willing to accept the help and work on this issue then am afraid this behaviour will never go away
Anxious/avoidant attachment styles. Neither one of your needs are being met. The more you run the more he will chase. I’d try being overly affectionate (not just sex) with him for like a week or two.. figure out how to “fill him up” basically do to him what he’s doing to you. Then tell him about some quiet time or a weekly girls night out or whatever. Long story short he needs something your not giving , and him trying to get it is taking from what you need … it keeps going like this until your both miserable. Believe it or not if it goes too long he’ll be the one to leave because being the “anxious” one is more heart breaking. It’s not really about him spending every minute with you. It’s about him believing that your totally into him. Pump his confidence up and he’ll start to leave you alone. Once he’s super confident about your relationship you’ll be taking solo vacations without a problem. And
If it doesn’t work then stop listening to weirdo strangers on the internet.
> please resist trolling with comments like “you knew how he was so why did you marry him”.
This is not a trolling comment, just FYI. Sometimes we forget signs we saw early on, or in your case, you were able to “tolerate” the signs, probably due to NRE and overall novelty of learning about him in other ways as well. But you shouldn’t have had any expectation that he would suddenly switch his attachment to you.
> I’m afraid if it continues I will just file for divorce to finally gain some independence. It seems like as the relationship continues he becomes more clingy and dependent on me.
I’m amazed it’s that bad, but whatever you do, I’d be sure to let him know very clearly this is leading towards you considering divorce. My recommendation is always to suggest couples counseling before getting to that point. You and your husband are involved in a deeply toxic pursuer-withdrawer dynamic that tends to get worse and worse if there’s not some kind of intervention.
Good luck!
That sounds aggravating to say the least, that would drive me totally nuts!
Is there anything mental health related going on here? Having no interests and being sort of oblivious sounds like ASD.
Is he crate trained? What about potty trained? Do you take him to the park often enough to socialize? Have you tried training or obedience school. Does he respond well to treats? It sounds like your lil guy hasn’t had any good experience when he was a pup. It can be fixed but it might cost a bit and need some professional help. Also maybe look into getting him fixed.