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The biggest problem that I have, and one that results in a crippling level of anxiety and self-consciousness, is my inability to exit my brain in a social scenario. I have this terrible habit of treating conversations like some kind of mental chore where I’m hyper-analyzing in order to find how I can present myself in the best manner possible, except I’ve now come to realize the hyper-analyzing is in itself the reason why I’m having so much difficulty coming off as natural and confident. How do I learn to exit my brain and simply enjoy myself when I’m in a social gathering? Is there a rule of thumb that you guys have adopted?
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I’m not a therapist, but I’ve been in therapy for a couple of years now. If that is an option for you, I would highly recommend.
BUT as far as the advice my therapist gave me, there are a couple things that may help. I’m not sure if this will help you because my anxiety always seemed to strike after a social interaction. Like the day after a party, I’d be replaying all interactions I had at the event over and over. It was crippling.
First, start telling yourself “so what.” For example, I’ve said to my therapist “I just really want this person to like me and when I said this, I’m worried that they’ll think I’m weird.” And she would say “so what? What is the worst thing that can happen if this person thinks your weird?” And I sat there thinking and was like “well nothing I guess, but it’s not pleasant if someone thinks you’re weird.” And she said “well you can’t control what people think. If the worst thing that can happen is that they think you’re weird, then why bother caring?”
It took a long time for that mindset to really set in but it was made easier by the second thing which is to get mad at your anxiety. Get mad and talk out loud (in private obviously) at it and verbally rationalize it away. “Okay, so they don’t like me. What now? Will I die? Will I never be able to make new friends? Will my family disown me because I were weird? No, of course not, that’s ridiculous.” These are just examples and idk if I’m explaining the process correctly, but this is what helped me for my particular anxieties.
I don’t know if it helps, but I used to be on a bad mental health phase and everytime I was with people my head was crazy… but I kept it going. Always try to go when you’re invited, expose yourself more and then it will get more natural. People will start to know you and understand the way you are.