So I’m all for making my own decisions in life, and normally I do. But my last relationship was very abusive and I have issues finding partners. As well as the fact that it’s literally all of my friends saying the same thing.
I found a girl who I really like and I’m pretty sure she likes me as well. Here’s the thing she’s been through a lot of abuse too and my friends are worried she is broken and that I’ll try to save her. When she needs to do that work herself through therapy and such like what I have done.
All of my close friends have said the same thing, and that worries me. So should I just stay friends with this girl or should I push for something more against all of my friends opinions?
TLDR: went through abuse, found a sweet girl who also went through abuse, my friends are worried I need a more emotionally stable girl.
6 comments
Bad idea, and you know it.
How’s your self-esteem, self-confidence? Very high, or not?
Not saying this is a good idea, but not saying it’s bad either. Have you considered to let things develop naturally and gradually over time, just enjoying the time you two have doing casual things like hanging out without it being a ‘serious’ date? See if you develop feelings and if so, then I think you know enough. If she is really “broken” as your friends say, you wil notice the signs early enough if you’re going at a slow and steady pace.
Your friends viewing her as “broken” is much more of a red flag than her having been through abuse.
Your friends are worried about you, I get that, but people aren’t “broken” irreparably and they’re literally deeming her unworthy of love because she’s been through abuse? That’s fucking cold.
You know her. You know yourself. How do YOU view her? How do YOU think your relationship dynamic with her will be? Your friends can think and feel whatever they want but they’re not the ones who will be in this relationship. Your opinion is the only valid one here.
As long you don’t pull each other down or trauma bond ! (As in since you both haven’t had something healthy it will be easier to act like what you’ve been through -)
But on the other hand you both could be hyper aware of that stuff and have a very soft understanding relationship
I think you should go for it, but keep in mind your own well being. It was mentioned above that your friends see her as “broken” which is true and I think it speak volumes about you that you still want to try to have a relationship with her. I have been in a similar situation but on the opposite side it’s hard when people think that you are what happened to you and it’s great having people who can see past that. So I think it worth giving it a chance but you might maybe have a boundary for your own well-being knowing when it’s unhealthy if it ever is you never know.
Edit
I also wanna add that you should really make sure you genuinely like this girl. I’ve had guys who knew me and about me and it didn’t work out because it was clear after a bit that they liked the *idea* of being with me or potentially being with me so think about that