I’ve been dating my current girlfriend on and off for a year and a half now. We have an exceptionally close bond, but shes always been a little less confident about sex so that’s the one thing she struggles to come out of her shell on. I’ve never had a problem with that and don’t mind leading, but last night things took a really weird turn when out of nowhere she got super into ddlg.
I usually take on a caretaker role with her and am into that sorta role play myself so we’ve tried toying with things in the past, but she’s always insisted it’s not exactly her thing. I don’t know if it just grew on her or if she’s been suppressing it this whole time, or whatever the case, but she’s definitely very much into it. After everything that happened last night, I asked if we were going to acknowledge it and she just said, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” This morning we did a little debrief and she admitted (very coyly) that she is definitely into it. She won’t explain much more than that though.
Mind you this wasn’t just a slight change. She’s usually pretty much silent during sex and just goes along with whatever I say. She’s interested, but feels self conscious enough to more or less follow my instructions and not give off “horniness”. Last night on the other hand she was doing all sorts of wild stuff. She even started trying to do anal, which she has been vehemently against up to this point.
I am beyond confused. She said she wants to try more in the future, but when I began trying to elaborate on what exactly she might want to try she just got too embarrassed and shut the conversation down. I wouldn’t really care if it weren’t for a fear that she’s going to recoil back into her metaphorical shell and I’ll never get her to lose the “cooties” attitude. It was really sweet seeing her enjoy herself so much in an area of the relationship she always seems more self concious about. I want to foster that enjoyment.
TL,DR: I think my(m22) very modest gf(f19) had her sexual awakening last night. How do I help her comfortably explore her sexuality without pressuring her or making her more embarrassed?
5 comments
Back off. Let her lead.
Don’t overthink, prepare or try to rationalize it. When you’re about to become intimate, take up the role, and let it flow. You’ll see how she reacts and stop if it doesn’t feel right.
I’m assuming you’re ok with what she’s into. A woman that is willing to “give” herself and enjoy the experience with her man – I think that’s the best thing a man can aspire to.
When she’s in the moment she seems to be losing some of her inhibitions and is beginning to open up, when you’re not in the heat of things she’s still uncomfortable talking about it. Give her time, let her lead and enjoy the ride 🙂
I’d say be very nice and polite, script this out before hand and read it to yourself, record it on your phone and listen to it first, etc.
It’s odd in that she has gotten past her own issues in her head but it’s a matter of very nicely and politely telling her that there is no shame in talking about what makes her happy, and what she’s interested in doing.
Off the top of my head:
“we’re the only two people in the world when we’re in bed, there’s no shame in saying what you feel, imagine what all we could do that makes you happy if you tell me what you want.” etc etc etc
Make sure to take it slow, and only do things you’re certain she really does want, at any sign of discomfort you notice, stop and make sure she’s ok. That it’s something she really is wanting. Just check in with each other, especially with a kink like this that can very easily become a form of self harm / just be dangerous for self esteem and trauma reasons, I think it’s beyond crucial to be careful. Like someone else said, let her take the lead. Check in on her. This being out of nowhere is a little concerning, and I think it’d be a good idea to have a heart to heart about it before doing more. Maybe over text, if face to face it is too embarrassing/difficult for her.