I (27f/ nb, idk it’s complicated) know I have issues relating to sex that I know I need to work out, but I’m so shy about sex that I don’t know how to approach talking to my therapist about it. I know that I can talk to my therapist about these issues, but I’m just unsure of how to work up the courage to talk about it. I don’t have what would be considered “major” sexual trama, most of it has to do with the fact I was bullied terribly by boys in middle school, I grew up bi in a fairly conservative place, I’ve put on a lot of weight throughout my 20s, I’m nervous about being inexperienced at my age, and just generally being shy when it comes to relationships and sex in general. I know I need to work through these issues in order to have a healthy sex life, but I just have such a hard time talking about it. I’ve only been able to bring up sexual stuff a few times, mainly in mentioning how antidepressants have changed my libido, and even then I was so embarrassed talking about it and I felt mortified the rest of the therapy session. How can I get comfortable enough to work through these issues?
3 comments
Maybe start with “I want to eventually talk about my relationship to sex with you, but I’m just timid/embarrassed about the topic and don’t know how I’ll handle a conversation.”
Let them know the desire is there, but so is the discomfort. Hopefully they can help you with the discomfort about the topic some or maybe ease you into it.
Best thing to do is to be totally honest with your therapist and share your feelings of hesitation. Tell them that you really want to talk about sexual issues but you find yourself struggling because it makes you embarrassed to do so. They will help work through those barriers with you and make it much easier to talk about it.
I know this may sound weird/odd but maybe try recording yourself acting like you’re talking to your therapist. Listen to it. Hear yourself talking about it. Then give your therapist the recording.
Or writing down your thoughts can work too. But let your therapist read/listen to it while you’re not present. Then on your next session, your therapist will have plenty of material to work with.
There’s something about these methods that can feel less intrusive or less intimidating.
And just ask them in advance, “I need to discuss XYZ, but I would feel comfortable if I expressed it this way first….”