I love sex. I absolutely love the feeling of being wanted by my partner. We’re long distance, but he never fails to let me know how much he wants me, and we have video sex pretty much every night (and most mornings). But I can’t shake the feeling that he only wants me for sex. Even though all day long he sends me the sweetest, most innocent messages about his sincere feelings for me and follows that up during our phone conversations, every time he gets sexual I immediately start to think that’s all he wants from me, and everything else is just the price he pays to get it. His sex drive is insanely high too.
Realistically I know he doesn’t have to put in all this work just for some phone sex. I mean, we live a dozen states apart. Things don’t get real too often, and I know he could easily go find sex literally anywhere else and be physically satisfied. But this has been a problem in every relationship I’ve ever had, even when I initiate the sex! The second he reciprocates I get that horrible feeling. I’m so attracted to him, and I love every sexual act we do, but these feelings are seriously fucking with our relationship. I know it’s not wrong to be sexually attracted to your partner. I know sex plays a large role in my relationships. But no matter how much I tell myself these things, I can never truly believe them. So how do I even start to repair my personal relationship with sex?
6 comments
Sounds like an issue to take to a therapist.
It happens when you initiate? Would you say men openly showing sexual attraction to you is itself a trigger?
I would talk with a therapist. There are lots of negative conversations about men, sex, etc. that are a toxic soup in US society that are impossible to escape. What is possible is to quit believing them and thus remove their power to mess up your life.
He can’t be using you for sex if he’s decided to commit to a long distance relationship with you. So, I don’t think the issue is you potentially being used for sex. Perhaps this is a fear you have? Or perhaps you simply aren’t into phone sex, don’t find it good for you, or find that it’s consuming too much of your relationship? Either way I agree with others, talk to someone to get to the bottom of it. As it stands I think you actually have the inverse problem. After all, your SO is with you despite not having sex at all.
Sounds like you’ve got some mental stuff going on, consider talking to. Therapist.
It sort of sounds like you’ve got a history of that happening? Or have you just always felt like this?
Have you communicated this with them?