Posting on this sub as well as I wasn’t sure which one was more appropriate
I also apologise for any typo as English isn’t my first language.
I (22F) have been talking to this guy (26M) for a bit more than a month now. We had been following each other on Instagram because we work in the same field, but had never met in person. Early in July he DMed and have been talking quite regularly. Sometimes he would take really long to reply (the longest time he took to get back to me was 6 days), but I wasn’t paying too much attention to it as I was travelling and I was very busy myself. A couple of times I would double-text because I had something to ask him and at that point he would reply straight away. Once I got back to the city, we finally arranged to meet up and we went on our first date last week. We had a lovely time and he was super sweet and asking me a lot of questions about myself, and I could tell he was enjoying my company as only half through our encounter he was already asking me out on a second date. While we were together, he admitted that he doesn’t go out on dates much, explaining that because of his ADHD he gets bored really easily, often forgets to text back and never actually gets to the point to go out with someone. Which made me understand why sometimes he would take longer to reply.
After our date, he texted me before I even arrived at home telling me he couldn’t wait to see me again, and that he would have loved to do something on Wednesday (tomorrow). We kept texting the days after, but now haven’t heard back from him since Saturday (I was the last one to text). I wasn’t too worried at the beginning because I supposed this might have been due to his ADHD but that he would have probably got back to me to confirm plans for tomorrow. It’s now Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him yet so I am starting to get really insecure and thinking that he might have just got bored of me. And I’m sad because he seemed like a serious guy and was starting to really like him.
As I’m not someone with ADHD I don’t know if this actually justifies his behaviour or not. But I feel like if I was that important to him he would remember about our plans. I don’t know if I should double text tonight just to remind him he said we were meeting tomorrow – I don’t want to be annoying. Any thoughts?
3 comments
ADHD or not he can just be busy. Chill out, and if he doesn’t text you back, I would text him tomorrow to confirm that the date is still on.
If you have to ask this question you already know the answer.
I have inattentive ADHD too and I don’t think it justifies him not texting you for that long. Was your last text something that requires a reply? Or was it just a remark like “that’s cool”? There are plenty of workarounds if he’s that forgetful and aware of it. I’m talking to a guy and I think about him many times a day and I would never just forget him for several days. But he’s also the type that doesn’t like texting and after I mentioned how his lack of texting made me anxious he stepped it up for me. Honestly I would just double text and ask him if you’re still on for tomorrow and that the lack of communication is making you confused about his intentions with you. If he actually likes you, he’ll step it up and if he doesn’t you have your answer. With this guy I’m talking to, I used to just sit in my anxiety so that I wouldn’t have to double text, but now I realize just communicating is way better for me and him mentally, because I was already making false assumptions about him when I didn’t. You won’t scare a guy who likes you away by communicating properly. And you will save yourself a lot of time and stress if you find out his interest level now.