Tldr: Had a summer fling with a porn actor but we live in different continents.
This is my first post and a throwaway account. English is not my first language, so please let me know if you don’t understand something.
A bit of backstory: I live in Europe, I’m proudly out of the closet but I’ve never been in a serious relationship because I’m scared of commitment.
He lives between the States and Europe, so he travels quite a lot. He came on holidays to the coutry I live in.
I (30m) met this guy (34m) on a dating app. I knew him from his work but I didn’t believe it was him. I ended up chatting with him out of boredom thinking someone was catfishing me. He gave me his private social media and he was who he said he was. I will call him “Joel” for the sake of clarity. He arrived to the country I live in on a Sunday and agreed to meet the next day.
He rented an AirBnb pretty close to my place, so instead of meeting somewhere cool, I told him I could pick him up close to his apartment and I could show him around. I have to be honest and admit that when I saw him in person, I was struck and I felt butterflies in my stomach.
I want to keep this short but basically we ended up meeting every single day after I finished my work shift and since he was on holidays, he was almost all the time. We went to bed really late in the morning the entire week we were together.
We talked about everything. Our hopes and dreams, our life story. He explained to me why he ended up working in the adult industry and I didn’t judge. Not once, and I know he liked that. He also pushed me over the edge and made me do things I wouldn’t do on my own. I felt visible, I felt seen and I felt sexy. During our third day together we kissed and made love. He said he loved me afterwards, which completely caught me off ward, but I reciprocated the feeling.
The next day (Thursday) he asked me if I would move to the states with him, which I found egoistic. I have my job and my friends (my family live in another country), and I am not well-off to leave everything behind. I told him that I couldn’t leave just like that and that we barely knew each other. He’s the one that moves back and forth between two continents. He understood we were a couple of infatuated guys that wanted to spend that week together because we had a deep emotional connection.
He was to leave on Saturday, but he decided to reschedule the flight for the next day, and I assume that was expensive. We spent the entire Saturday together and the next day I drove him to the airport. We hugged for a very long time and I bawled. For the first time in my life I was ok feeling vulnerable next to someone and he was about to leave. We promised to stay in touch no matter what.
I woke up the next day to an email he sent me. A beautiful one and I couldn’t stop smiling.
He promised he’d come to see me the next time he comes to Europe, and I really do want to see him again, but I don’t know how this could work being so far away. I wouldn’t hold resentment if we don’t talk anymore. I want to keep that week with me.
We don’t know each other at all. 1 week is not enough, but man was it worth it.
My problem is that I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know If I should keep in touch with him because we knew from the beginning that we had an end date. We also can develop feelings for someone else (to be honest, it would be the most human thing to do).
Maybe it’s hard to relate to this situation, but I have no previous experience dealing with someone that actually cares in a romantic way about me.
What would you do?