I’m 16 (male), and this is driving me INSANE. Recently I started realizing how easily I submit to people and alllow them to have some sort of power over me.
It can be small things like having a hard time telling people ‘no’, having low confidence and self esteem, getting defensive during arguments and fights even if I’m right or if I don’t have to, getting very nervous when being approached by people I don’t know well, apologizing for things that aren’t my fault, being submissive in romantic and sexual relationships, the list goes on.
I hate this SO MUCH yet I have no idea how to change it.
I understand now that it is because I was raised to be this way, I remember my mom telling me when I was about 6 years old “if you get beat up, don’t fight back, call the teacher” and I can’t stand this mentality of letting someone else solve a situation for me because I am too weak to do so myself, yet I have no control over it. I fear that it’s rooted in my sub concious so I don’t even know if it’s even possible to change.
My father is the complete opposite of assertive so my mother raised both me and my 19 years old brother the way she thought was best- to be weak and submissive.
I can see it in him, so many patterns of verbal submission and shyness, it angers me SO much.
How do I change this? Can I even change this?
It feels like I have to fight my own sub concious that was just absolutely fucked by my parents.
Please, if anyone has an advice, I NEED help becoming less weak and more assertive
Tl;dr I was raised as a child to be submissive and mentally weak and want to become more assertive and confident, since it can really hurt me one day but I don’t know how or if it’s even possible.
3 comments
Do you work? If not start and get a job if you can.
Read hard times create strong men by Stefan aarnio. There are so many weak men in this world right now that we need to step up and be in control our lives in this day and age.
Follow great men by reading and listening to their work.
I’d start saving up as much as you can to move out eventually and start building your own self. Make your own money and learn how to sell.
Take this advice with a grain of salt and learn to think for yourself.
Thanks for your post. I feel like a lot of men are having this problem nowadays (myself included). Maybe you want to check out No more Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Glover.
Therapy is often a good way to dislodge those kinds of ingrained subconscious things. But if you can’t do that, I find that way of being tends to be rooted in some sort of fears, and it can be helpful even to just identify what you’re afraid of, what you believe will happen if you’re more assertive, etc, because it gives you more concrete mental constructs to challenge.