Is my vagina broken? Do I have a bad vagina?

26 comments

1. Go and see a different gynecologist and explain the pain you feel.

   Its not normal to be in pain

2. You are not broken. I have to say I feel very sorry for you in this position. I highly recommend going back to a Gynaecologist and telling them what your issue is, they may be able to provide help and advice. Best of luck op.

3. Not gonna lie. I(29F) feel the same way and it sucks.

4. It’s not normal to be in pain, but it’s very normal to not feel anything from penetration. Why? The walls of the vagina are made of basically the same kind of tissue as inside your mouth, so no fun nerve endings there. Some women can feel pressure from the vagina or rectum transferring to the internal parts of the clitoris but this doesn’t work for everyone because the configuration of our internal anatomy varies. This is a natural variation and not a reflection of you being “broken”. It’s very normal.

5. Sounds like a case of vaginismus.

6. I am also in pain for the most part of any PIV sex because I have a retroverted uterus. Your story sounds a lot like mine. You should get an ultrasound.

7. You are absolutely not broken. Some thoughts.

   1) Pain isn’t normal. See another gynecologist. Ask about vaginismus or pelvic floor disorder. More importantly, see a pelvic floor therapist! They are godsends.

   2) Vaginas (the internal canal) are NOT nerve-rich. The nerves are concentrated in the clitoris. For many, many, many women, penetration on its own doesn’t feel like anything. Or you just feel friction or pressure but no pleasure. That’s true for me. It’s NORMAL. Porn/media will have you believe that a dick slides inside and you reach nirvana. No.

   3) Have you tried penetration + clitoral stimulation at the same time? For instance, a vibrator and a (small) dildo? That’s the only way I enjoy penetration. I need my clit stimulated to feel pleasure, full stop.

   4) Not enjoying penetration isn’t childish! Plenty of people don’t. Penetration isn’t the only form of real sex or pleasure. And, for many women, it’s the least pleasurable part. Don’t let media and porn gaslight you, boo.

   5) Experiment with different materials. I started with silicone dildos. They’re okay. Don’t love the feeling. Turns out I much prefer glass—they are body safe and durable, promise—because they’re smoother and much easier to insert. There are beginner ones that are slim and not ridged.

   I hope this helps.

   Edit: 30 (F) who only started experimenting with penetration a year or so ago.

   Edit 2: Just want to say I adore all the women in this thread. You guys fucking rock.

8. You say you don’t have or want a partner. I have found that unless I’m crazy attracted to my partner penetration does nothing for me. I never masturbate using insertables of any kind, because the only thing I want inside me is a human body of someone I’m very much into. Might it be something similar?

9. Echoing another comment in this sounds like it could be vaginismus or something of that sort. I just want to clarify here that penetration is not the equivalent of sex. It’s one way of having sex that is not the epitome of your sexual experience or pleasure. I have vaginismus, and for years I worked to overcome it to the point that I can have penetrative sex about 50-60% of the time. But even when it doesn’t hurt and feels good, it’s really meh and not my preference as far as sex is concerned. I’ve also met women who didn’t experience pain with penetration who just didn’t enjoy penetrative sex that much. Penetrative sex definitely shouldn’t be hurting, and even if it simply doesn’t feel good, there’s nothing wrong with you.

10. A lot of women don’t get pleasure from penetration, I do but not always and usually not enough by it self to climax. I didn’t enjoy penetration at all in the beginning until i actually felt what it feels like to hit a g-spot and to get the motion right and what not.

    In my opinion, I think it might help you to play around with your g-spot, there are g-spot stimulators, some are just kinda like a curved small rod with a ball at the end, I dont know all the options but i would look for something of the sort instead of having like a full on penis shaped toy. I think this would make it so that your vagina is not fully stretched open the whole time so it might be less uncomfortable.

    And then if you do hit the g-spot, you might love it and it might help you transition into something else, or just give you another option for pleasure.

    It’s also fun to combine with vibrators, if you end up trying to penetrate with a dildo again maybe try to keep using a vibrator at the same time. Some things for me i find uncomfortable and then i pair it with something and its just completely different.

    I hope this helps and I hope you get good experiences out of it! But all in all clitoral pleasure is my absolute fav and if i could only have one sexual thing for the rest of my life it would be that, so if you just cant go in the penetration direction, then splurge on some vibrators, some of them are life changing 😉 I imagine you probably have vibrators already but there are many different types and they all feel different so its okay to have a little collection to choose from!

11. Don’t just see one gynecologist, get a second or third opinion if you don’t feel like the doctor really examinined you thoroughly or you are unsure of their prognosis. If something doesn’t feel right, maybe it’s not right. Don’t mean to scare you but health is wealth and pleasure should be pleasurable. It is important to know that vaginas are all very different when it comes to sensitivity levels though and it can take time to figure out what works for you.

12. You also might want to see a gynaecologist who maybe specializes in pelvic floor pain. There was one in the Medical building I worked in she was really good at helping for problems before birth and after birth and she was so good. There are better doctors out there to help. Also, might help for urogyn to sometimes you have an bladder issue which can make it painful too. It’s not normal for pain even if you are aroused.

13. There’s a lot of great advice on here on seeing a doctor, getting to the bottom of it etc. If penetration is important to you then by all means pursue those avenues.

    I want to chime in with a different perspective. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not enjoying penetration. There is nothing wrong with never having penetrative sex. If clitoral stimulation is enough for you, you do you. If you go to the doctor and they can’t solve the issue, THAT IS OK, you are normal and deserving of a full and fulfilling sex life without penetration.

    I’m not a fan of penetration personally. It feels nice when I’m ovulating but otherwise does nothing for me. My husband is completely understanding and we do other things together (manual, oral, pegging), and do penetrative vaginal maybe 4-5x/year — when I ask for it. And guess what? We’re completely satisfied and couldn’t be happier. You can have a wild, amazing sex life without ever using your vagina.

    Best wishes ♥️

14. You aren’t broken. You aren’t everyone else. You are you. I’ve been with women who can’t orgasm in various ways, that enjoy one method over another, and that are all very different. I dated a woman that didn’t enjoy oral stimulation even though I loved it (giving), so I found other ways to blown her mind. I guess where I’m going with this is that you will find someone that will enjoy what you do, or adapt to what pleases you without hesitation. Sex is great, but you can’t stay in a relationship just because of it because it won’t last. Someone will blow your mind in every way, and will not miss vaginal sex because you’re worth it.

15. Hey! I had the same issue for years as you and it turned out I had vaginismus! Please look into it and see if its similar to how you feel! I got a dilator kit and after training with it for months its really helped with the symptoms.

16. My wife has the same issue try a different dr and ask if you have endometriosis my wife ended up having it for 3 years before a different dr found it.

17. Get to a different obgyn. One who has experience with these types of issues and is sex positive. (You’d think that’d be a requirement for their job but sadly it is not.)

18. I had a girlfriend once with exactly this problem. She no longer has the problem and enjoys penetration. Your gynecologist was very unhelpful and I’m adding to the chorus of people here saying you should see another one. In fact, as this is obviously important to you, you should keep looking until you find one who is helpful. The important take-away is this problem is natural and real (it is not “you” and you are not “broken”).

    I’d like to add that there are lots of people out there who enjoy non-penetrative sex and like using toys on their partner. So even while this issue is ongoing you shouldn’t feel like a pariah!

19. Penetration should not be painful, even if there isnt anything there to see, there may be a underlying problem.

20. I dated a woman with vaginismus once before and she described it much like you do. Perhaps see another gyno for a secondary diagnosis. The pain is concerning I would imagine.

21. See a different Gynecologist. There are several things you should inquire about when you do. Ask about Vaginismus. Also ask about Dyspareunia. Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor and muscles surrounding the vagina in response to impending penetration. It occurs without your wanting it to or in most cases without you really even being aware it’s happening. Dyspareunia is the medical term for persistent it recurring genital pain that occurs immediately prior to, during, or after intercourse. It has many causes but also can occur without any form of underlying conditions. If your Gynecologist is still unable to offer any form of help then, depending on where you live in the world, consider seeing a pelvic rehabilitation specialist. You may be able to find them as a clinician with PRPC after their name. All in all painful intercourse can have a wide range of causes. Everything from psychological, to psychosomatic, to physiological. The key take away is to simply not take “it’s just like that.” as an answer. Don’t settle. Even when someone dismisses you by saying it’s in your head that’s bullshit. First because they should not so easily dismiss your issues, secondly because even IF it ends up being “all in your head” there are STILL psychologists and Sexuality Counselors. Specifically find an LPC who is AASECT Certified. And yes, Clinical Sexology is a thing. To fully enjoy your life you should at least have the option of fully enjoying your body.

22. Find a pelvic floor therapist.

23. Do you experience arousal? Do you get wet naturally? Does clitoral stimulation feel good? Ever tried anal penetration? If yes, was it enjoyable? Does oral sex feel good for you to receive? Any other erogenous zones do anything for you? Nipples, neck, earlobes, thighs, etc.?

    I concur with the other commenters who have suggested getting a 2nd opinion. Being in pain is not normal.

    Could be that your issue is at least partially psychological. Mental blocks are a thing. Anxiety and anticipation can wreak havoc. Maybe you are approaching this issue with so much frustration and negativity that any hope of improvement is doomed from the start. Impossible to say for sure, but something to consider.

    Good luck and don’t give up!

24. Please see a pelvic floor physical therapist. You may need a referral depending on your insurance.

    This sounds like vaginismus which is more common than you’d think, and TOTALLY treatable! Even if you have zero interest in penetrative sex, I would recommend treatment so you can get the gynecological medical care you need without pain.

    I have vaginismus from trauma, it took several years for me to be able to enjoy penetration again. Mine is completely related to my anxiety, so medical exams/procedures are still difficult but I have a gynecologist who works with me and prescribes medication to help relax me prior to exams. There are better gynos out there, I hope you can find one who takes your pain and discomfort seriously.

    You are not broken, your vagina is not broken. After being assaulted and developing vaginismus I felt fundamentally broken for a long time. I wasn’t, and neither are you.

25. good friend of my had SUPER tight pelvic floor muscles that resulted in penetration being excruciating.
    her gyno referred her to a PA. they did stretching exercises.

    helped her SO MUCH. not just with penetration but also lower back pain

    so, go see a gyno

26. i had the same issue. i’ve been to a couple different gynos and have been diagnosed with a few different things, causing painful sex. sex is supposed to be enjoyable, don’t give up! go get a 2nd opinion elsewhere. my problems were all treated with various short term medication/creams, and physical therapy.

    conditions that could cause painful sex (i had the first 3)

    -vaginismus/pelvic floor muscle spasms
    -vulvodynia
    -disquammitive inflammatory vaginitis
    – pcos
    -endometriosis
    – STI
    – bacterial vaginisis
    – yeast infection
    – hormone imbalance
    – birth control method… i had the IUD and it was causing me horribly painful sex (i’ve dealt with my problems 3-4 separate times) i got it removed and things have improved like 97%.
    – many other reasons not listed

    good luck!