Hi! So I (25 F) went on a date 5 days ago with a guy (31 M) and it went really well! He was very nice, respectful but quite nervous and said he hasn’t dated in a while and is new to online dating. He mentioned wanting to see me again on the date as well as texting me he wanted to see me again shortly after. He did include in the text that he would be busy this week (school started back up this week and he is a middle school teacher) as well as being busy this weekend. I assumed he was telling me that in terms of setting up something not in terms of talking. He also mentioned on the date that he tries not to be on his phone very much if he can help it.
I told him that sounded great and to let me know when he had free time to get together the evening of the date and haven’t heard anything about setting up a second. Now, usually I’m a realist in situations like these and will always assume I’m getting ghosted and just keep it moving. But given that when we texted off the OLD app we really only texted to set up the date, and mentioned he’d be busy all week, I can’t tell if he’s ghosting me or not.
I know some people especially in the beginning of dating only want to text to set up dates and not talk in between, which I’m fine with but I get nervous when I don’t know someone’s communication style. Should I text him or is that too clingy ? Any advice would be lovely !
TLDR: guy told me he’d be busy and hasn’t texted me in 5 days but expressed interest not sure if I’m overthinking or he’s not interested
17 comments
No one is so busy for 5 straight days that they can’t leave a quick message. That dude is probably already in a relationship
Monday morning is when he’d be ‘free’ if his earlier remarks were accurate so that’s when I’d text him.
If he were to constantly send you texts and emojis, you would ghost him because he’s then too thirsty. Doing it the other way around makes you cray cray. It works.
You’re not overthinking. 5 days is a lot. Advice is to ping him and ask him how his week is going. If he doesnt take the reins after that then leave it be.
You’ve just been on one date with him right? I would just wait to see if he reaches out this coming week.
Okay so people are saying it’s too long but I disagree. I’m in college , and I’m addicted to my phone but me and my friends sometimes forget to text for a whole week bc we get busy or we forget. It happens. It’s the real world. He said he would be busy, and he’s bad at using the app. 5 days is fine to me. If you need more communication in a relationship that’s totally cool, and you can own that and be clear about that. But I wouldn’t assume something is off or that’s he’s not interested just yet. Maybe if it was a full week to 10 days. You could also follow up, because like I said, he may have simply forgotten and then gotten too busy.
You’re toxic and he is ghosting you. You should know if he is generally busy 😁
It would take no time or effort to follow up and check in. Just send him a quick note to ask if he wants to get together next week.
If he doesn’t answer: you have an answer.
If he does: ditto
I often think to myself – especially when i’m looking forward to or anticipating an interaction – “let me get to a good place or a pause, then i’ll reach out”, but reality is I am introverted, have ADHD, and tend to overcommit/overwhelm …so, that Just A Minute turns into like, a week. If he forewarned that he’d be busy, take his word. Fill the rest of your weekend with something cool and exciting. Check in sometime next week if you haven’t heard from him and are still interested.
He set an Expectation. I always ask at the very beginning how often someone is ok texting because what’s comfortable for person A may be too much for person B or too little for person C. He told you the situation, take him at face value.
This idea that someone is playing games or ghosting or in a relationship is unhealthy.
It’s been five days, it’s now the weekend- text him “Hey, I really enjoyed seeing you. Looking forward to seeing you again.” Let him know the interest is there.
Give him time to answer- if he doesn’t, you’re ghosted.
Yep you’re being ghosted. You’re not alone tho so am I. Mine just started but nobody is ever too busy to look at their phone tor 5 seconds. If he wanted to talk he had a week. If she wanted to talk to me she would’ve replied to my 3 text that I sent and now feel stupid that I did that. Don’t text him again. Work on you. I’m still trying figure out what that phrase means tho.
If he wants a date, he will contact you asking when you are free. He is the man, let’s not get ahead of yourself.
I know it’s 2022, and the old gender dating roles are gone, but men chase the women they want. Aways have, and always will.
Keep it moving and deal with him if and when he contacts you. In the mean time do you.
Take care
I’d wait. The only thing that’s going to tell is time. In the meantime, continue in with your life like you normally would. You don’t know him well enough to know his communication style and he basically laid out his schedule and said he’d be busy for the next week.
If Elon Musk who runs four companies simultaneously can tweet 22 times a day, there’s no way a freakin’ middle school teacher can’t text you once.
Ghosting because he’s either married or dating others.
He’s only texting to set up dates and doesn’t foresee having free time to set up a date which is why he hasn’t texted you. You understand that you can text him, right?
Hopefully he is ghosting you though. He would be better off not having someone that overthinks things this much in his life.
I would just give him the benefit of the doubt as he at least did the decent thing and told you straight up he would be busy. Just see how things go after the weekend and with the next date. If you still have concerns at that point just tell him that and see what he says. At least you should know by then where he stands.
Ghosting is worst disease in modern dating: how hard is it for someone a guy or a girl to communicate to each other that they busy or have lost interest, aye?