Sitting here on the back deck; fire, pint, cigar. Wife is currently overdue with our first child (baby girl). My mind is racing, but stuck in time all at once.
Other than “enjoy every second” (as I’m taking time off and plan to reduce my work hours); give me your tips/tricks to Fatherhood.
Cheers gents.
13 comments
First off, congratulations. Kids are amazing. Not sure if this is what you’re looking for, but here you go.
Help out, a lot. Most new fathers go back to work and think “oh, my wife is a stay at home mom, she can handle all of it”
Eff that. Help out. Cook or pick up take out for dinner. Do dishes and help with laundry. When you get home from work, offer to watch the baby so your wife can take a nap. Get up in the middle of the night, yes, even if your wife is breastfeeding. Get up to support her.
When your wife is comfortable with it, set her up a massage one Saturday and stay home with the kid. Take her out on date might…again once she’s comfortable withe leaving the baby with someone else.
Hell, just constantly ask her how you can help make things easier on her.
The point is, your wife is going to exhausted in ways you can’t imagine. Allowing her to vent, helping out around the house, letting her rest, etc. with help her out so much.
Regarding parenthood, enjoy it. It’s exhausting but worth every minute. As your child gets older, teacher her about standing up for herself, not just against class mates, but even you. Parenting shouldn’t be a dictatorship. Give her confidence by letting her question you.
When your daughter asks you a curious question about the world, start by asking her “well, what do you think?” This will encourage her to think outside of the box. Then tell her the answer. If you don’t know the answer, look it up together.
Read to her a lot. Validate her feelings. Meditate with her. When she struggles, find her therapy. Keep screen time limited…like a lot.
Hope this helps, best of luck my friend.
You’ll want to make sure you are stepping up as a husband just as you will as a father. Your wife is going to be going through A LOT the first 6 months. Feeding, diapers, soothing, being up at 3 am for no reason at all…try to be first in line for all of that. There will be things that only mom can do, in those instances let her know how great she’s doing.
The fatherhood stuff will kick in once you hear her for the first time.
Yes you know life is about to change but you have no idea what that actually looks like. That is tough. I have 2 boys at 4yrs and 10 months.
Kids don’t come with manuals so remember to trust your instincts- also remember that even small babies up to crawlers age are super resilient.
The most important advice I can give is just make sure you love on that child- get to know the individual you have just produced. My wife never was able to breastfeed so I gladly took night shift feedings.
Hell I had to go to a class to learn how to put a diaper on a baby – 8 months from now you’ll be changing the baby like a pro- crawling away upside down all that.
Poop and pee no longer play a “disgusting” role in my life. Don’t get me wrong some of them are pretty damn spicy but please never turn into the father who thinks he is too good to change a diaper, wipe a tear or calm a tantrum. Be gentle and loving. Don’t forget about your wife. Give her some time to herself while you get to know your daughter- and take time for yourself too.
Let your instincts guide you and you’ll do great!
Congrats, and I agree with everything else that’s been said.
In addition, is your wife’s mother still around? Is she there? Does your wife have people nearby who could come help out? Do you?
Raising a kid is a suicide mission for one person. It’s just nearly possible for 2. But every person you add beyond that, it gets easier.
I suggest you be very, very, *very* hospitable with anyone who cares about that baby enough to come feed her once a week while you guys sleep.
I’ll echo much of what’s been said and just say that you should think of this as another adventure.
A lot of parents think that their good times are at an end. They are not.
You can still do a lot of what you did before you had kids, with your kids. Maybe not going to a rock concert but definitely travel and adventure and many, many social activities. You just have to plan ahead and manage your risk and expectations.
Also, please sleep train them as quickly as you can. We have a 9 month old who’s going through it now and it’s not fun.
Finally, I’ll leave you with this video: [A baby’s first sensations of the natural world](https://youtu.be/DqGyEQ44iZ4). It’s a fun documentary from the New Yorker and I relate to it so very much.
Congratulations 🎈🍾🎊🎉
You are destined to be a good father, IMHO, because you care. That’s one of the most important traits.
I.) Trust your instincts. Animals have babies all the time and instinctively know what to do. This will happen for you.
II.) When your daughter is born, if you cannot sleep, know that this is normal. Survival instinct to protect your daughter. If you do not feel restless and are able to sleep this is ok as well. Your body understands she is safe.
I always add this because when my first born came, a neighboring father passed out from not sleeping all day and night.
III.) Don’t get too caught up with everyone else’s advice. You are your best filter. People will give you advice that worked out great for them and their kids, but you and your daughter are not them.
IV.) There’s an app that’s really cool that gives tips, tricks, plus more fun insight. Daddy Up.
V.) Take care of the Mommy, whatever she wants, whenever she wants.
VI.) Take extra time and pay extra attention to your partner after she gives birth. Postpartum depression is real. It doesn’t always happen but if you are attentive it should help.
VII.) Be available for your daughter as much as you can. Yes, we have responsibilities but from 0-7 are the golden years because you can’t recreate them. If you miss it, it’ll be gone. Sometimes it’s from 0-10, but there will come a time when they don’t want to hangout with you anymore because you’re not cool.
VIII.) You will mess up. You will make mistakes. You’ll forget a special occasion. You’ll put the diaper wrong. You’ll make an error in judgement. You’ll make decisions you end up regretting in the future. It’s okay. If you communicate with your partner honestly as often as possible, remain patient and kind as much as possible, and are gentle + nurturing as much as possible with your daughter, you’ll be great. Excited to welcome you to fatherhood. Godspeed. [+]
Sleep.
Manage it. Figure out how to master it. Talk about it constantly. Never ever ever co-sleep with your children or let your wife co-sleep. It’s tough but make the difficult decisions. Bad sleep habits in your children will literally end your marriage.
Congrats man!
Check out the “beastdad” podcast.
Father of a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old. Both girls. It’s tough man. Like, really hard. You won’t sleep. You’ll fight more with your wife. Your social life will suffer.
But it’s honestly the best thing in the world. You’ll love this little person more than anything else. Your heart will grow and feel all new feelings of love, and when you hit the different milestones you’ll feel all sorts of proud.
Just remember, every child is different. What works for some won’t work for others. And try to remember “this too shall pass”. When you’re stuck in a bad stretch of days (maybe they are sick, or not sleeping, etc.), it will pass and things will get better.
Congrats my dude! All the best!
Everyone else covered the good stuff… couple small additions… (father of three—8,6,4mo)…
Start a college fund today. Even if it’s 100 bucks. Consider a brokerage not a trust fund because then you can act on the fund regularly and it’s not scholastically restrictive.
Make wife time, but make you time too. Find a hobby. I️ play hockey once a week and it’s the best thing I️ can do to keep my head straight the other six days for my family. (Make sure you support mom getting a hobby night too)
Breathe, my guy. I’ve lost my temper more than I️ wish I️ had, and I️ think we all have a bit here and there, but just remember in those tough moments (esp if you’re a stressor like me), breathe. That baby doesn’t know what else to do but cry. This is hard to do in the moment.
52m with 3 step children and 3 bio. Every woman is going to react differently to the wild rush of hormones. So you need to be the stable one.
Be calm if she gets nuts, pamper her she’s been thru some shit.
Congrats and more congrats. It’s the best worst job. You never stop worrying.
Patience, wow and more patience. I was kind of a short fused ass at first and I caught myself really early and changed. Spoil the fuck out of your family but always make limits. Not easy to do but ya don’t want wild spoiled shitty kids.
It’s gonna be a mess and there’s no guide. Everyone is different and unique. As they say in the military, improvise, adapt, overcome.
Enjoy those kids. My oldest is 21 now and they kinda dont always wanna hang with dad. But when he says let go to the movies or play some warhammer it’s the most awesome time
Write stuff down. Something will happen 6 times a day, every day, for 4 months and it’ll be a source of joy for you and your wife and in 3 years you won’t even remember it. Kids go through phases and drop shit without warning. So find a way to jot notes, even when you think “my god, I’ll never forget this moment”.
First of all CONGRATS! Now, the advice: the baby is just as much yours as it is hers in other words, change the damn diapers, get up when the baby cries, if she doesn’t or can’t nurse, or if she pumps and the baby takes a bottle? Make it your goal to not let her lift a single finger for the chore part of taking care of a kid. She spent the better part of a year going through making a baby and then has to go through childbirth, it’s your turn to do the work. Second, don’t be to hard on yourself or on your wife, you will both have your fuckups the kid doesn’t pop out with an owners manual, learn from your fuck up and do better next time. Finally, love every moment, I missed the first 2 years of my oldest’s life working 2 jobs and going to school full time. They literally saw me twice a week. If you can afford it, don’t make that same mistake. You got this papa, it’s gonna be an adventure!