So i (26f) always wanted kids but me and my husband (30m) have been put off by it because we saw other couples struggling with sex and going on holiday, i want to know how much of an effect it is?

32 comments

  1. It’s a Major Effect all the way until they sleep all the way through the night. By then yall won’t want to have sex because you will be so tired or not Intrested.
    If you want kids you will make it work. But Kids changes Everything.

  2. My kid is only a month and a half so who knows how it’ll be long term but we definitely make time. In fact we have sex more now than the entire time I was pregnant because pregnancy killed my sex drive. I could not wait for the all clear to do penetration again lmao.

  5. My 1st kid was a cranky guy. I wasn’t happy with my body, I was working odd hours with a new born and exhausted. I had no sex drive during pregnancy either. So our sex life suffered.

    We did have a good support system though so managed to get weekends away and sometimes planned stay at home dates.

    My second one, nothing changed. We had sex throughout pregnancy and were back at it 2 weeks after he was born and he was an angel. As they got older, we figured out how to make a way.

    Yes , children change your life in every way. You learn to adapt and work around it.

    Edited

  6. Do you want to have quiet sex the rest of your life ?

    And not get good sleep for 10+ years so that effects libido

    Or get interrupted because the kid stsrts crying or has a nightmare

  8. I have a 4 year old who just started school. Yeah, having kids impacts your sex life, a LOT. And the more adventurous you and your partner are, the more youll have to be careful. No leaving toys in the shower, no leaving your bedroom door open. If either of you are loud during sex, consider bringing a gag into the bedroom to help stifle your moans. My wife finds it really hot when i cover her mouth with my hand while she climaxes. But yeah, kids change everything. If you dont have any yet, consider waiting until youre in your late 20s before conceiving. Gives you plenty of time.

  9. Mine are still young. We just have to wait until they go to bed. But we have more sex now that we are done having kids and I’m no longer on birth control. Didn’t realize how much it had killed my sex drive

  10. It affects it a lot. not only your privacy is limited, since they might sleep but u arent sure, they might come in the room without announcing etc. in addition to that, the person who is doing the parenting might be always tired, thats why its suggested that both parents split up the chores, usually u will be both tired from work and looking after the kids that u wont even feel like having sex anymore, u ll just want to rest

  11. Having kids doesn’t just affect your sex life, it’s affects EVERYTHING. That’s not to say it’s bad, it’s just different. I love children, I have three kids and they are the light of my life. But it’s sometimes hard to find the privacy to go to the toilet, never mind shag 😂

  12. Oh it absolutely does!!!! We would do so much more kinky shit if they weren’t saying, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything!!! Best things that’s ever happened to me. When were both really horny and want to play, give them some melatonin and get them to bed.

  13. Well yeah it will effect a lot of people, you’re gonna have little time and when you do have time chances are you’ll be so knackered you won’t want to have sex because you’re sleeping only a few hours at a time before the banshee starts screaming again, waking you up. A lot of women suffer from post partum depression after having a kid too which effect libido.

    It literally changes everything, it’s why I don’t want any. Sleep gone, free time for holidays and rest (mostly) gone, friends gone, money goes faster, peaceful bathroom visits, gone… they shit all the time too. Blergh

  14. Probably the biggest impact possible. A little cock blocker that sleeps in your bed, hogs all free time, is constantly in the way of spontaneity. Once it’s out in its own bed chances are you’d like another one and cycle repeats.
    The results from sex very often kills sex life.

  15. I think it depends on the couple’s libido, we had sex a lot after children but not to say that is normal

  16. Children will effect every part of your life including your sex life. Communication is key to having children. You should expect the unexpected when you have children. You and your husband will need to work as a team when the unexpected happens.

    My wife had a difficult pregnancy follow by postpartum depression. We didn’t have sex for eighteen months. We had infrequent sex for six months because my wife as worried about getting pregnant. We had more sex after I had a vasectomy, but we had to have sex when our son was asleep. We had a lot of quickies during nap time. We had a normal sex life after our son was two years old.

  17. Having kids effects your whole life, including sex. Caring for a newborn is physically and emotionally draining over time. Sex becomes a lower priority thing over time because other things take priority.

  19. I have dated people with kids. Scheduling is definitely different and you have less time alone together

  20. Listen. After having my kid. (He’s 18 months old now). I literally don’t want to have sex.

    ​

    My body is back in shape. I am literally as fit or fitter than I was before I was pregnant. All hemorrhoids, minor tears, breast sagginess from the pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding period are back in place and like new. Nothing but a few very minor stretch marks on my belly could even betray the fact that I was pregnant. My energy is good. I would even argue my libido is completely normal.

    ​

    But literally? The way I think about sex is entirely different. A complete 180 shift.

    ​

    Because I tell you what. Childbirth was like getting fucked in reverse. It just. changes you.

    ​

    maybe it will change once my kid gets older.

  21. Yes. Spontaneous sex will no longer be a thing which sucks. My husband and I know the only time sex will happen is when the kids go to bed or early in the morning before they are up. I miss being able to do it whenever. We love our kids but it does change things.

  22. I feel like there are a lot of negative comments here, so let me tell you that it’s different for everyone. I won’t lie- yes, kids will change your sex life, but (so far for me) it’s more about when/where you can have sex. The toddler is up, so you got to wait until she goes down for a nap again.
    Some people will loose their sex drive, some people won’t. I was literally so horny just two days after giving birth lol. A six week wait was torture for me. I had sex a little earlier than I should have, definitely should have waited that extra week, but I wanted it so bad. Now, we aim to have sex every day. Sometimes it doesn’t happen, sometimes we are tired or busy, but it was like that before kiddo, too. I would also say that our communication has gotten way better, and so our communication in the bedroom has gotten better. We are planning for baby #2 here shortly. I am assuming that with each kid you add, you become a little busier. But honestly, where there is a will there is a way! I wouldn’t let your sex life scare you off of kids if you really want them. If you have a solid relationship, discuss everything beforehand, and prioritize sex, then it shouldn’t be too much of an issue (as long as you want sex and don’t struggle with your libido afterwards, but from what I hear that can often be fixed). If you are really worried about it, maybe strike a balance and only have one or two, or adopt instead, vs having a half dozen or something lol.
    In the end, we can’t promise you anything. You will have to weigh the odds yourself and see if it’s worth the risk for you.

  23. It does but sex finds a way 😆 It’s kind of fun in those moments of realization “holy crap the kids are all sleeping or all occupied for the next little bit let’s go “change clothes” babe” lol

  24. I mean, it certainly affects it, more-so at first though. Primarily because you will both be so fucking exhausted from raising a newborn. You can certainly still have sex – maybe not as wild and carefree as you were, but I will tell you, our sex life has never been better. We are having the kinkiest sex of our lives, even doing things on live cam! Schedules may have to change a bit, but as they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way. I certainly wouldn’t let your sex life be a large contributing factor for not having kids. There are numerous other reasons that I would put above that, lol.

  25. I had twins eight months ago. Aside from the right before and right after birth thing, not really. I had a c section which was probably the biggest part, since I had to be careful with the incision for a long time.

    Other than that, I’d say our sex life has been better than ever. We have sex a minimum of twice a week, complete with kinks and exploring, and we’re exploring in other areas too now that the babies are big enough to stay with their grandparents for a day. They don’t sleep through the night, and I breastfeed, so I don’t leave them overnight.

    You have to make an effort though. Clear communication, honesty, being ok with toys and masturbating if your partner is just tired and not in the mood. My husband kept lube in the bathroom for a couple months cause I was recovering. It’s work, but it’s worth it imo ❤️❤️

  26. Only briefly. If you consider 10 years brief. I think there are many things that will affect this. How old you are, what your libido is like now, how much time/energy you have after the child arrives etc. It’s not a write off, but for most I know it’s been a negative impact, just to varying degrees.

    The other thing is as you have kids your focus and priorities change anyway. So you may have less sex, but not actually want to have as much so no net loss.

  27. There is no way To accurately measure the effect kids impact your life. Everything you do will be more difficult to do because of the kids.
    Harder to find alone time for sex
    Vacations now require packing a toys r us
    Going out to eat takes more work.
    Etc etc etc

    But as a father of 4. The difficulties and struggles that kids create are well worth what you get in return from them

  29. My kids are amazing. But they are also major cock blockers. They definitely have an effect on our sex life…. but my man and I find other ways to physically connect. We don’t need sex all the time… we’ve adjusted to our life and it’s actually not so bad 🙂

  31. Of course it does! It changes literally everything and the change keeps happening all the time. Ebbs and flows all the time. But it’s up to you what you and your partner make of it.
    We have 3 kids, the youngest is eight now and we are starting to get our „freedom“ back. There were times when I couldn’t be bothered with sex at all, because none were good sleepers and I was sleep deprived for like six years (not saying we didn’t have sex at all, it was just a bit more challenging).
    BUT having a partner that stands by you and helps makes all the difference! It brings you closer together and caring for them and loving them to eternity and back as a team is a wonderful thing that can make your relationship so much closer. Sex and intimacy change, but does not stop (for us at least). Relationships are always about communication, with or without kids, so work on it. Depriving yourself of children JUST because you could possibly go without sex for a bit is a stupid reason, because a dead bedroom can happen for any reason. (It‘s okay not wanting to have a child ofc, but you should have a better reasoning than just: maybe I won’t have frequent sex for a while). Having kids is a wild ride, priorities will shift, bodies will change, but you also get something very wonderful in return that makes it worth it.
    Edit for typos

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