I have three children from a previous marriage. I divorced my ex for drug addiction and all of it’s associated problems. I’m remarried and have had one more child and am pregnant again. My husband spoils me beyond compare. I feel depressed so he sent me a link to a new vehicle to pick out and he’s dead serious. Why does that feel so empty, he’s trying right? In the past five years of this relationship this man has given so much attention to other women online and in front of me but mostly behind my back, done drugs behind my back and constant incompetents in the company that we own. I feel like I’m the only one taking life serious, I feel like I’m the only one that understands the gravity of the actions that we choose and honestly I’m so fucking done I would just rather be alone. The problem is the first divorce was so traumatic on my older three and they’ve spent so much time in counseling and we finally got them to a good place I think I have to just stay here and be miserable so they don’t get messed up again. Also, I do love him but I also feel like I’m holding back part of my heart because I know he can hurt me tremendously if I give all my heart to him, im guarded to say the least. I literally long to be able to be alone, to be inside my head and finally have clarity of my own thoughts….. finally breath. I want to go on a walk in the damn forest, I can’t… im stuck in this marriage and my husband has no emotional depth to understand the complexity and layers of how I feel. This can’t be life, do I just stay and make sure my babies never go through that trauma again? Together he and I provide an amazing life for the children and I know I won’t be able to do that alone….why do I feel like that makes me such a Golddigger when I own half this company, hell I started it! I feel like I was made to believe that a relationship could be good and healthy where people feel appreciated and loved and beautiful and there is trust and communication. I mean who the hell actually has that!?! Some days I dream of driving off not the sunset with my babies and never look back.