Idk if this is in the wrong thread or what but anyway. (I’m male)
Okay imma get straight to the point. I have an irrational fear of sex. I’m going into uni next month and especially during freshers, I know advancements will be made
This honestly sounds so pick me but the reason I’m scared is because I wanna make sure everything is 100% okay for the girl and that it’s enjoyable, I also don’t want to look like an idiot or mess up in any kind of way. I’m a massive over thinker however, I know that as soon as I do it once I will be fine afterwards (because a similar thing happens when I was looking for a job) But I cannot push myself to lose my virginity
It’s so bad that I actively push girls away in order for there to be no chance of me being in a situation which suggests sex is coming. It’s bad and I really wanna overcome it, has anyone overcome it or had a similar experience?
*note – it’s so bad that I often think of thing a sex worker to help me overcome it but I don’t really wanna go that far 🤣🤣 but it almost is similar to what I think re living past traumatic event would feel like. Often wonder if anything did happen in my childhood but highly doubt it.
5 comments
Perhaps seeking therapy to talk and work through this can be a big help mentally
Look dude, the first time you rode a bike did you fall over? Yeah, it happens. Thats part of the fun is exploring, trying new things etc. Odds are she will have about the same experience level as you so dont get to stressed about this. And well if she knows her way around, be upfront and get some free lessons. Relax and enjoy the adventure
Sex is not perfect. Sometimes it is even really bad. I recken 10% of the times ive fucked were forgettable. But overall it’s awesome and gets better with practice and I don’t regret any of the experiences I’ve had.
If you feel going with a sex worker will help then do so, but choose a good one. (Also try to be more respectful and not use the term hooker)
Just go with the flow. You don’t sit there worrying if you are going to fuck up the next meal you eat or the next time you walk or wash your hair or take a piss. Fucking is just another thing our bodies and minds are designed to do and if it was that hard the population would be a lot less than it is
What may be overwhelming you is thinking of sex as a monolith, and pleasing women as another. Those are huge, broad categories of actions and people! Of course it’s scary to think about how many unfamiliar activities fall under the umbrella of sex all at once. Of course the thought of pleasing every potential sexual partner you may have feels like an impossibly daunting task.
Breathe. Take it piece by piece. Even if you decide to become sexually active, that doesn’t mean you need to jump straight to P-in-V immediately (or ever!). Erotic touch, massage, talking about what feels good or what she’d like to try, etc are all ways of easing yourself into the pool. Think about what gives you pleasure, what feels good in a sensual way even if not sexual. Doesn’t it sound nice to share that feeling with someone you like? It’s like eating a yummy meal and giving a bite to your friend because you want to see their face light up when they taste it too. Start from that place.
And remember that you don’t have to concern yourself with what will please EVERY woman. When you find someone who you like, who likes you, all you have to think about is what makes HER feel good. We all like different things, ways of being touched and talked to and interacted with in and out of the bedroom. Asking questions and creating a safe space for THAT girl to tell you what she likes is all you gotta focus on. Tell her you want to go slow, that you want to get it right for her. Me personally, I’d love to hear that and I would give my partner all the time he needs.
It is completely normal and natural to be nervous, but don’t over-think it. It would be useful to discuss your anxieties with your partner.
I have helped a few guys over “that hurdle”, and all of then thought retrospectively that there was no need to be anxious.