Am I gay?

18 comments

1. You’re kinda gay. Alot of guys like the male sex appeal and sometimes fantasize about them, whileat thesame time they would vomit of the thought of kissing a dude.

   I don’t consider you gay, just expirimenting.

2. It’s most likely porn escalation and not a true reflection of your sexuality. 5-6 hours a day of porn is extremely unhealthy and eventually your brain needs more and more stimulation in order to get off.

3. I would not say you’re gay. Your brain has been over stimulated from watching to much porn. So eventually guy girl porn doesn’t seem interesting so you branch out to anal, then to bdsm or something more.

   Don’t watch porn for a while see if that helps. I’m not talking a day I’m talking a month or more. Again I would not say you’re gay, stop putting labels on it. A lot of straight men enjoy ass play and pegging most do it with their wives. A prostate orgasm is the best feeling ever, a lot if the questions on sex toy subs are from mem buying dildos and prostate messagers.

4. Probably somewhere on the spectrum. With 100% gay on one end and 100% straight on the other, I don’t think most post people sit on the polar ends. they’re somewhere along that line.

   No one can turn you gay. You’re still young and you’re experimenting. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling and try to stop beating yourself up about it.

5. Probably bi sexual… a lot of guys that go both ways are also not into cuddles, or kissing. More so just the sexual acts like yourself. Don’t forget to keep us updated after your first m/m sexual encounter!

6. Sexuality can be fluid. I’ve always enjoyed pegging. When it hits the prostate it’s like no orgasm I’ve had.

   I struggled for a bit while younger and have had sexual encounters with mtf trans and they were great. I eventually had a gay encounter and it was very fun.

   I’m with you in that I would never want to date a man. I don’t want to cuddle or kiss them. Oral and anal sex is enjoyable and me and my gf enjoy adding others to our bedroom fun.

   Seems to me like you just haven’t accepted that you may be bisexual or at least a range of it

7. I’m gay and you dont sound gay from what you’ve written here.

   Edit: also if porn could change your sexuality Id be straight with how hard I tried on that one in my past.

8. Hi, I went through something very similar. It might be different for you. I was a transgirl not being in terms with who I was. At some point I just wished I was a gay/bi femboy as it would be easier not transitioning (stigma and possibly being less attractive to females). I had feelings of being in the wrong body, but I couldnt really distinguish it from my porn usage (basically repressing my thoughts as it was an easier, but temporary relief). Well, anyways, had to reflect my gender before properly reflecting my sexual orientation.

   However I am not stating that you are trans, the description of your porn experience just feels eerily similar to mine.

9. If you want to have sex with women and you are not a woman, you are not entirely gay. If you like to imagine you’re making love with a sexy imaginary dragon-elf who has a penis, but you still want to have sex with women, you’re still not entirely gay.

   Plenty of mostly straight dudes jerk off together online. Little known fact I just made up: in the beginning, HTML stood for: Help The Men Get Laid.

10. 5-6 hours of porn a day isn’t good for you bro!

11. The type of porn that you like doesn’t effect your sexual orientation. You don’t have to be gay to like gay porn. You don’t have to be a lesbian to like lesbian porn.

    You’ve been watching a lot of porn every day since you were fifteen. When you’re fifteen, seeing a man and a woman have plain sex is very exciting. At some point watching a man and a woman have plain vanilla sex isn’t exciting. This is because your brain likes novelty. This is why you go from watching plain vanilla sex to watching other kinds of such as gay sex gay sex, trans sex and so on.

12. Fantasy is not reality.

    Taboos are exciting.

    You’re not anything until you decide you are. I don’t think you’re anything until you actually do it in real life and enjoy it and want to do it again.

13. I don’t think that exposure to a stimulus can change your sexual orientation. It’s probably more likely that you were drawn to that porn because it gave you something you needed. Now, the question is going to be what is the thing that you got? Strap in, because I’m about to sex-educate you. 🙂

    Did you like to imagine yourself being a receptive partner? This is a thing that cisgender men can find is a part of their nature. I’ll come back to that. I want to talk about a more complicated situation, because most of the other people on this subreddit probably haven’t thought about it. I want you to have all of the possibilities that I can think of at least to consider. Sometimes transgender women and non-binary people like to see people with body types like them being receptive in sex. This doesn’t say very much about your sexual orientation, as much as it says something about the role you see yourself playing in sex, relating to your gender. You might be a bi/lesbian/straight trans woman/enby and out of touch with your gender. It’s very common for this need to be treated as a receptive partner be deeply repressed in somebody who’s grown up being shamed about femininity and having their worth tied to stereotypes of masculine gender expressions. (Caution, stereotype alert–people who are reading about this, we all know that cis and trans women are not always receptive! Gender is complex.)

    Another option, which is distinct from gender identity, is that you are simply a more receptive person. This is a trait that doesn’t follow from sexual orientation or gender identity. All sorts of people are more receptive. Maybe you associate this with men being fucked. There’s more out there in the world of porn where straight men are receptive; you started off watching pegging porn, I’m assuming it was straight pegging porn. Maybe you veered off of that path for another reason…see below…

    One other option is that you are a submissive person and you view being a receptive partner as being submissive. Again, you could be getting this need met from watching gay porn, even if you are mainly attracted to women.

    Yet another possibility is that you like to be humiliated. You find these acts to be humiliating because of your beliefs regarding what these acts represent to you. Or maybe you find them to be humiliating because they clash with your sexual orientation. The humiliation turns you on. On the flip side of this, is that some people who are receptive recognize their behavior influence the pleasure of the person penetrating them and they feel a sense of power from that. There can’t be a top/switch without a bottom/switch. The top/switch cannot enjoy themselves without the participation of the bottom/switch. Complex stuff!

    Of course, it is entirely possible that you are a bisexual or gay man!

    Internalized biphobia is something we don’t talk about very much. It is very much a thing that affects people deeply. It is a thing that can make you split your erotic attraction to the same gender off from any ability to see them as more than their genitals. You may need to tell yourself, that it’s only about the penis, because to admit that you could be attracted to them as a whole person, would surely involve acknowledging your sexual orientation and integrating the identity into who you are. This seems to be more common among men, for whatever reason. Perhaps there are men who are solely attracted to the penis, and we just don’t think about that very much. There are men who will insist that is the case. Who are we to say whether that is internalized by phobia or homophobia or a legitimate sexual orientation or kink? I do believe you should think carefully about whether that’s the case or it’s something more. Men experience a lot more shame around being bisexual, and I’m more open and direct way. While women are fetishized for being bisexual and have their orientation dismissed, bi men are told that there’s something wrong with them. So, maybe over the years, you’ve decided to repress your bisexual orientation and only parts of it are able to leak through the cracks. It’s very hard to wrap your head around being bisexual in a culture that tells you the only real valid sexual orientations are monosexual, gay or straight.

    Of a similar vein, you may be a repressed gay man. The same things can apply here, but it’s a little bit more straightforward to understand how the splintering developed, because people talk about internalized homophobia more openly.

    You may be a straight or bisexual trans woman or non-binary person and be dealing with repression of your gender along with shame about your sexual orientation, because of how you feel about receptive people or perception of your straightness through an inaccurate lens, i.e. you see yourself as a gay man and have all the shame connected to that when you really are a straight woman in denial of her gender. Whatever your gender is, being a receptive partner could be very disturbing to you, because of what you values you assign to that subconsciously. Receptive acts/positions have been denigrated since the time of ancient Greece in Western culture and are even considered the only form of homosexuality in some other cultures. We have all been exposed to that value system, even if it’s been couched and homophobia or misogyny.

    If you are non-binary or transgender, there is another factor that could be causing the negative reaction after you finish. Many transgender people experience distress because of the mismatch between our bodies and our minds and our brains. It’s called gender dysphoria. It is possible to repress this feeling to a certain degree, but many people find it is always present at some level. There are times in your life when it’s harder to ignore, like when you go shopping for clothes or when somebody is attracted to you while they perceive you as the wrong gender. Another time that it’s difficult to manage gender dysphoria feelings is when you’re having sex or masturbating. These things force you to be in touch with your body and your mind does not like recognizing that the body does not fit its design. You can get so involved in the moment, that it’s easier to push that aside, but then once you’re finished you experience gender dysphoria very strongly (it’s hard to ignore the reality of your body, once you’ve finished masturbating).

    Maybe what’s going on is a combination of many of these factors. For example, I am a transgender man (raised as a girl and transitioned to male). I am bisexual. I enjoy receptive sex and I am sometimes submissive. I am also sometimes the one who gives penetration and I am also sometimes the one who acts more dominantly. It’s called being a side in bi/gay culture. In the BDSM community, shifting between dominant and submissive or somewhere in between, is called being a switch. I didn’t roll out of puberty fully equipped with all of this knowledge about myself! It was distressing and painful at times to work through all of these things. But it was also wonderful and exciting. Self discovery doesn’t stop at puberty, and it can take a little longer for those of us who have non-traditional orientations and genders. You sound like you’re still pretty young? It’s okay if you’re not sure what’s going on. You’re in a territory that there’s really very little cultural guidance on.

    You may benefit from talking to people who have similar experiences to you. In the process, do your best to be honest with yourself about what you feel. Then think about the possible reasons for what you feel. You might have to step back at that point and ask yourself whether you’re capable of assessing those reasons honestly.

    I found using a journal was helpful because there’s a lot of emotion behind these experiences. It’s hard to think analytically about your feelings while not dismissing your feelings. It’s hard to have strong feelings and think analytically at all about what they mean.

14. It’s could be porn addiction. And, if you’re attracted to trans women, that’s not something to be ashamed of. Sadly, politicos and bigots have made it an issue (to be sexually attracted to penises, as a man). It’s not a deviancy to be trans/gay, nor to be attracted to penises as a man.

    And, if you give yourself from time from porn, you’ll find at your most fundamental level where you are on the Kinsey Scale.

    Note that you don’t “turn gay”. You may find you’ve been bi all along, however. Cheers

15. Your porn habits are not the truth about who you are.

16. i think u became desensitized to straight porn and u need more of a rush. maybe since ur not really gay, watching gay porn gives u the thrill of “breaking the rules”? idk

17. nope I wouldn’t say your gay 💖

18. I think you probably got yourself into a weird porn rut. It’s possible you could be bisexual, but it more sounds like you’re getting off on the disgust and shame more than anything else.