About a year ago, I was accepted to my dream school 500 miles from home. My bf and I had some issues I was seeing become more prevenlant since he had moved in with my parents and I 9 months prior, before that we were long distance (1hr-1.5hrs away). I tried breaking up before moving but he cried for me to take him back.
I knew he was sloppy before dating him but he said that would change when we had our own place. If I tell him to clean stuff, he will but there is no light bulb that goes off to do it himself. I am not a neat freak, but I do preffer my sheets not to be itchy and sink to be cleared every other day or so (especially if I’m expected to cook something bc “there is nothing in the house”). He has seldom been romantic and when I explain how simple initiating a cuddle on the couch or kiss that isnt associated with coming home/going to work (routine) can be enough to remind me he is intrinsically motivated to have me in his life in a capacity that doesnt mimic a mother/roomate. He claims he loves me more than anything in the world, but this behavior has only ever changed for a week or two tops after I sit him down, explaining these are nonnegotiables, I am not happy and cannot see myself getting married to a man who doesn’t make me feel special, bc I will go out of my way to make his life better/show my love and get nothing in return. Some reciprocity is needed if I cam delude myself into believing this is worth settling for.
I jump back and forth all the time whether I deserve the things I crave in a relationship. I debate if I’m creating mister perfect and that I should be grateful hes just forgetful and boring – not physically abusive…
I’m in my second year of a medical program. We bought a house bc our previous neighborhood was unsafe, and I am cosigned on a car and have a dog (that I primarily had to raise, feed, entertain and clean up after). This is so shitty but I just kinda want to focus on myself and leave in a year or two, close to or shortly after graduation when Im making enough money to pay my loans, bills and maybe even make an arrangement to pay him for the money he has sunken into the house in return for sole ownership…
I find myself wanting to find someone else, but the thing is. I still care. I get mega jealous when I suspect he’s masturbating to on instagram/reddit and the idea of him with someone else is still kinda gross. Like if we broke up thats one thing but the idea he would cheat on me is heart breaking. I dont think he would, its a crazy trust issue on my end. We are incompatible and I feel exhausted with him…
TLDR: My bf followed me to graduate school, we own a car, house and dog together. I’m torn about if or when I should break it off.
1 comment
Yes, you deserve to be with somebody that makes you happy. And yes, you will find somebody who’s a better match. I know it’s hard to end a long term relationship, but better to do it sooner rather than later and on amicable terms.
Also, don’t expect people to change in relationships. People only change if they truly want to. Find somebody who doesn’t have to change to be Mr. Right for you.