how to have great conversations?

10 comments

1. If you’re not feeling very eloquent at that moment, focus on asking questions and making it about them. If they’re speaking about something they’re interested about, ask them to elaborate on the answers. Instead of pretending to be interested in the conversation, be interested on *why* they’re interested in that topic. And if it’s your turn to elaborate on your answers, don’t rush it. It’s ok to take a sec to think about what do you want to communicate and to choose the right words to express it.

2. By listening completely, not just to respond.

3. Don’t be socially awkward (unfortunately my social skills are lacking so I can identify as a socially awkward person)

4. talk about topics you’re interested in or know a lot about or ask questions to keep the conversation going, man i hate when people pretend to know something they don’t know anything about, it’s awkward, so know your stuff, and ask lots of questions

5. Actually listen. Pay attention to what the other person is saying rather than just thinking of what you want to say next.

6. Listen. Ask relevant follow up questions. Ask open ended questions. Find common ground.

7. Be curious, basically. Ask questions and follow up questions. Be open, but remember that being open doesn’t equal reckless – you do not have to share your dark secrets with people you don’t really know. Find mutual interests and ask them questions about them. Don’t avoid deeper/heavier topics like philosophy and politics. Use humour as a way of making things lighthearted, but don’t make fun of their feelings and opinions – laugh at yourself, but no self deprecating jokes both for your and their sake.

8. listen to others and don’t invalidate them. talk about things that interest you. go beyond small talk. for me, if i’m getting bored with a conversation i just bring up my time in the psych ward. that always spices things up. but for real, try to get to know the other other person/people, and don’t just talk about yourself.

9. ask questions

10. Listening, asking questions about what they’re telling you and trying to remember what they told you. It sounds so simple, but I have to admit, I’m pretty bad at it usually.

    I used to think that I was a great listener, but I later noticed that I don’t remember much of what someone said because I’m to busy trying to think of questions I can ask next or things to say to show that I can be funny.

    I feel really ashamed of myself knowing that I sometimes can’t remember things, which makes me feel like I’m a terrible person. I sometimes even think “oh, this is important, I should remember this!” in a conversation. But maybe a few hours I realize that I forgot again.

    I’m hoping that this is a side effect of anxiety or my mental health.