I’m a 33yo man, I’m lucky enough to have a good job that I enjoy, I just managed to buy a house, i have friends, i have my hobbies and overall my life is going pretty well. However it seems to be VERY hard for me to find a partner. My only big goal right now would be to find a person I can have a proper long term relationship with, I’d love to get married and have kids, have my own family. This past year I have really tried to make it my priority to find someone, I set up accounts on different dating apps (that is literally my only option to meet new women at the moment. I haven’t met any single woman in my everyday life in the last year outside dating apps). I have been on a date with at least a dozen women in the last months. Turns out that most girls I meet don’t want kids, (or already have kids and don’t want more). Some of them proposed me to have something causal (just for fun), others said that they don’t want to be tied down and want to travel the world, or experience different cities etc.
I’m getting quite depressed as time is passing by, I’m not getting any younger and I feel like this is the right moment to settle down and have a family. I’m just wondering if it’s worth to actively looking for it, or it’s something that should just happen naturally when you find “the right person”. The right person don’t seem to exist though, unless I’m willing to start a relationship with a woman I don’t feel attracted to and literally just do it for having kids and my own family. Should I just embrace what the modern days dating scene offeres and “have fun” with meaningless short term relationships? Should I get in a long term relationship with a woman who don’t want kids and just accept the fact that I’ll never have them? Should I “drop my standards” and date someone I don’t feel attracted to to achieve my goal of having a family? I just feel confused and depressed right now.
Apologies for the very long post, I appreciate anyone who can give me their opinions about this. Thanks 🙏🏻
4 comments
31m and feel the same…
What age range have you been targeting?
I suspect you may be focussed on those not ready and are too young.
Ages 27-35 might better suit your objectives imo.
No, I don’t believe you should drop your standards at all. As a 28F, I’m actually in a similar position. There are things I’m working on, but I’d like to find a partner
who genuinely wants a long-term relationship that may result in marriage and kids one day.
And I know I can’t sacrifice my standards just because I’m in a different place than other people. It’s just a matter of getting to know them first and foremost, and not ask yourself “Are they the one?” or “Are they my soulmate?”.
I have those thoughts on first dates myself, but I understand that I’m just learning about someone and seeing if we connect on any level. If we agree on where we stand – whether that’s friends or more – then great. If not, then I know I need to move on to someone else. Relationships are about connection.
I want everyone, including you, to live the amazing life you imagine for yourself. If that includes being in a long term relationship, marrying a woman you want to be with and kids…then do that!
Just put in the effort to meet the right person who will respect and care about you and your values. I hope that this helps and I wish you luck!
Be careful in sharing that your main goal is kids, because at your age there are many women who realize the clock is ticking on kids so they’re quickly trying to land a man. My friend got baby-trapped with one of these…
I’d suggest having fun, and realize that the majority of women that you’ll meet at your age aren’t relationship or marriage material. And even if you find one, there’s an over 50% chance you’ll get divorced and lose everything.
I’m in the same boat because my dream was always to have kids, but due to the risks outlined above you need to be extremely careful with how you proceed.