This one’s a doozy & I’m venting plus want feedback. Before starting, I’m a guy who’s 24, she’s a 26 year old woman who a mutual friend introduced me to (later I learned from my friend that said woman is a bit too picky so has been single 2+ years). We both want a serious relationship & have careers.
Here’s the story:
I went on several dates with her, and we both acknowledged to each other that we’re likeminded on just about every major part needed in a relationship, our thoughts dovetail & complement each other, and we have similar niche interests & overlapping beliefs. On each date everything was so natural & easy plus we could talk for hours on end. Time flew by, every date was 6hrs where we’d both mention time flying by and it was obvious we both really enjoyed the dates, and we’d talk a lot between dates too. I’d have been a complete fool to not ask if she saw potential for something more because it’s so rare to find someone who aligns with you on so much.
Here’s where things suck:
Unfortunately, she mentioned really liking me & brought up the above too, but her dealbreaker was that our “energy levels are incompatible”. She’s very mellow while I’m either high energy or low energy (I need to get hyped up which makes me hyper, but otherwise I’m mellow). FML I guess, right?
I know people value different things and it’s her decision so I’ll respect it. But damn I feel really bummed because such connections are so so rare to find, and *in my experience* if you align on a lot ‘mismatches’ such as energy levels are not a problem if you talk about it. I almost pity her too, because she’s shooting herself in the foot. The mutual friend mentioned she’s very very picky, so I guess she’s just looking for the “perfect guy” (which really is unrealistic since the magic of a relationship is in the connection & the alignments being more than the mismatches between two people).
I dunno, I’m not actively looking for dates unless someone falls in my lap, but I can’t help but feel frustrated even though this saves me the trouble. It’s just rare in my experience to find someone as quirky as I am where everything happens so naturally.
TL, DR;
Got rejected by someone after several really good dates where we connected in quite rare ways & aligned on nearly every important relationship value while everything also was super natural and time flew by. Dealbreaker was that she felt our energy levels are incompatible…
4 comments
Energy levels are important. People who always have to be rushing around drive me nuts.
If her deal breaker was different energy levels, which I find extremely odd, she’s going to nitpick a whole lot of miniscule things in the relationship. I think you’re better off just letting that one go tbh. I know what you mean as far as finding a connection with someone because personally it takes a miracle for me lol, but it’ll happen again man. Either that or just give it time and perhaps she’ll come around. I think in the meantime just do your thing, hang out with friends and don’t talk to her for a while
Very similar story. Dated a woman recently for 3.5 weeks (me 40, she 37) with extremely high attraction on both sides. We had deep talks about our values and were very playful. She told me she raved to her friends about me being different and making sure she holds on to me. She always asked when she’d see me again after a date. Told me our conversations just flowed unlike anyone else. We texted every day a few messages like good morning. We talked about long term living together compatibility IF it got to that point. But an obvious long term incompatibility was that she has 2 big dogs 3 cats 1 rabbit and 4 foster cats (future fostering was non negotiable). Too much for me as an introvert that needs lots quiet time. So we called it quits though she ended it first and I agreed. I wish there was a way to work this out though.
She’s allowed to be ‘too picky’ about who she decides to spend her time with. I’d say just chalk it up to experience and move on.