I see so many post of men having a unhappy sex life, why do so many men start relationships with women that they are sexuality incompatible with ?

27 comments

1. Because at the beginning, all you see is the positive. I’ve done it before. Your brain just won’t process the red flags.

2. Most men who are unhappy with their sex life are ones who don’t have one at all.

3. Well they dont always have sex right away, often you get emotionally invested before ever having sex

   Plus its not like people stay the same their whole lives. A lot of people can have a strong sex drive at the beginning of their relationship and then find that it dies out after some time and they dont know how to bring it back

4. I want a stable partner more then sex.

5. It depends a bit what they’re unhappy about right? If they wish they had it more often, it’s possible that it was more frequent at the beginning of the relationship and decline later on. If they want to try more adventurous stuff the woman isn’t interested in, well people don’t usually start a relationship telling the other person all the weird stuff they want to try eventually, so it makes sense you’d already be in one when you discover someone isn’t willing to try it.

6. Not everyone is able to get what they want, so they take what they can get.

7. Most relationships have that new “honeymoon “ period where they are just basically “at it like rabbits” once that fades into a normal pattern for the two of you, that is when you start to realize you like different things in bed or the big one is frequency. I usually want it far more often, and then we find ourselves in an unhappy incompatible sexual relationship.

8. Because in a good amount of situations, a lot of relationships start off with way more sex at the beginning than at any other time. The honeymoon phase, or NRE, or whatever you want to call it. People are energetic for something new, and the passion can wane over time, especially for women. Sometimes it’s natural because the freshness wears off, and other times it’s because one or both of the couple becomes complacent and doesn’t keep things passionate.

   And by the time this shift happens, we’re already sometimes years into a committed relationship before we feel the difference in passion. There’s no clear path to get the mojo back, so most guys complain and don’t understand how they got to the point of being unhappy sexually

9. Sex is usually good at the beginning. If it’s not, you shouldn’t be planning on a long term relationship.

10. It’s cause they don’t have options and take what they can get without thinking about the longterm effects.

11. I’m sure most of us don’t knowingly end up with people who aren’t compatible sexually. Alot of times the relationship starts out with a good bit of sex then it just falls off at some point. In my case she basically went from us having a bunch of sex to her eventually admitting that sex takes too much out of her and she needs her energy for other things. She never told me that at first and I had to drag the truth out of her after a whole bunch of avoiding the problem and dancing around the issue and pretending nothing was different.

12. You have to realize how attention-deprived the average man is… It’s not that the guy “settles” for shitty sex. It’s that he doesn’t think it can realistically get better.

13. Because men do not factor that (sexual compatibility) in to begin with.

    Men with little exposure to woman’s sexuality or who have never been in an healthy LTR with a woman make the mistake of assuming that “it’s all the same” or “we will figure it out later”.

    No bro it’s not the same and you shouldn’t figure it out later. If you’re going to be with any woman long term then you want to know not longer than one month, after you met a woman, whether or not you guys are compatible.

    Also men ignore a woman’s initial sexual interest/level in them in favour of “winning her over” which in my humble opinion is the worst f@*%ing strategy. A woman should be sexually interested in you from the word go. Her desire should be yours to lose.

    In my view there are to things to consider as far sexual compatibility goes:

    1. Libido : how often you guys want it, there should not be a big discrepancy here.

    2. Taste : how she likes to do it and what motivates her sexual/ erotic mind. It is here that you get an idea what you can expect

14. My own anecdote is it wasn’t that way at the start. But 20 years in it takes some work, and we did that. Then she had the kids and didn’t feel the same about here body, so we worked through that. And then she got on medication that had side effects on her libido… And we’re working through that.

    At the start we were very well matched. Hell even some of the intervening years we were very well matched. Sometimes she actually had more interest than me.

    But things change a LOT in 20 years, especially in between 2 people roughly doubling in age over that time. Some years you’re moving in the same direction, other years the opposite direction.

    Personally it’s nice to hear how common it is and vent occasionally. It’s not meant to be critical of my partnership, but rather to appreciate how this one facet of a relation is such a common challenge.

15. Bacause it doesn’t start that way…

16. From what ive seen, after long periods of no intimacy they will take whatever they can get. Or they fear they wont find anyone else if they break up.

17. Many relationships start out fine on the sexual front. But for some reason or other that sexual compatibility fades. And it tends to fade on the female side more than it fades on the male side. Doubt if anyone is to blame, just humans being human.

18. You can have great sexual compatibility for years, but there are many reasons why things can become an issue. Libidos adjust along with age and physical change. I have an intense desire to be with my partner, but sex is not nearly as big a priority for her. We had amazing sex for years, and we still do when it happens, but it happens fewer and further between each time.

19. the number one thing that could probably snap the neck of horrible hetero relationships is the fact that most men never feel empowered to think “i have the right to say no to things i dont want” some men really do believe that you should make a compromise and marry the woman who gave you an ounce of attractiveness( a problem in an of itself) for 60 years worth of feeling like dogshit.

    some men really do feel that getting no appreciation and never meaasuring up to our heteronormative archetypes ( ie a knight in shining armor) is worth it if she puts out like once in 10 years. men dont have boundaries and the ability to recognize our own awful mental health . its mostly because weve been made to think we can just put up with 99% of the awful things that most women by now have definitely learned to say ” absolutely the mcfuck not!” to.

    i remember reading a post once about how a man half way through sex with a ONS ( one night stand) he became immediately soft ecuase he realized that she wasnt actually enjoying sex with him and he wasnt actually attracted to her. immediately went soft. and he left. apparently the sex partner at the time wasnt uh ….too pleased with the fact that he didnt want sex anymore.

    to answer your question : men have never learned value for what they could want , and they never learned that love with a partner ( or multiple partners) is not just a thing that you provide and give to asking nothing for in return. its a process of learning and relearning value and compromise and what that could mean in a longer view.

20. People lie. It’s normal to present yourself are more or less of something when you’re trying to attract someone. Also, most women are strongly emotionally connected to sex and if they’re not happy with their man, for whatever reason, they’re less likely to want to have sex. There’s a reason why so many jokes exist about women not wanting to have sex after marriage. It rooted in relatable statistical truth. Not all, but most.

21. They can start out just fine and things change. The “Honeymoon” phase is real for a lot of people.

    I’ve been told by a woman while struggling to maintain our relationship that “she didn’t care if she ever had sex again.” She is not asexual. She enjoys sex. It’s just that when she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t want it. I did not even have a clue about that prior to her saying it. Sometimes you don’t know until you’re already invested.

22. most men don’t really have a lot of options when it comes to women

23. People are desperate and lonely dude. I met countless people who are completely miserable. But they are too scared to leave because being alone hella sucks. But almost everyone who leaves is happier in the long run.

24. Alot of times you’re sexually compatible then someone doesn’t want to over time. People get bored of each other. I’m in a sexless relationship and it sucks because I feel stuck. We’ve known each other for 15 years, dated for 5 years and now she never wants to have sex anymore. I’m not gonna force anybody though, I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she brushes it off. I’m getting myself ready to be single again because you shouldn’t settle for a miserable life.

25. A scarcity mindset, mostly.

    It’s harder for a guy to find a partner, so it tends to make them treat women that are willing to date them as a precious resource and that makes them less inclined to give one up if it isn’t working out, mainly out of fear that they won’t find another.

    It becomes less of an issue the more options a man believes he has.

26. Being single for most of my life, I can only guess it’s a combination of afraid of leaving/being alone, and social pressures to not just leave over something “Petty” as quality of sex life.

27. Desperation. Loneliness. Some men only have a “chance” to date a gal once. Pretty easy to explain.