Who, in your experience, shames men more for showing emotion?

40 comments

  3. Women: I wish you were more emotionally available.
    Me: becomes more emotionally available
    Women: this is not going to work, bye.

  4. from my own bias/experience women. the men in my life have been (mostly) supportive of each other but certain women i don’t think are used to reacting to guys doing that and either don’t know how to react or react badly. ironically a couple of them have also complained guys don’t share their feelings enough lol

  5. I think people in general don’t want to deal with other people’s emotions. I sure don’t. But on a personal level whenever I’ve cried in front of my boys it was all cool and understood, whereas my mother and women I’ve dated lack understanding and look at me with confusion and disgust

  7. Women : real life scenario

    Mother telling me and my brother its good to show emotion.
    Later in life our father lost a parent, mother saying to my father dont you dare shed a tear.

  9. Women 100%

    Every man I’ve spoken to about this, save for a couple of tools, were extremely pro-men-being-more-in-touch-with-their-emotions and showed it.

    Women I’ve talked to about have *said* they were, but later went on to show me they were lying when I let my guard down around them, got into my feelings about anything, and then they treated me different from then on. Some left. Some were downright awful about it.

  10. Mem will use harsh language but that usually stops being an issue by like 19 when you’re more free to associate with peoole you aren’t cooped up with 24/7.

    Women however will act cool with it but then dip, and if you’re casual dating this can be the norm.

  11. Every woman in my life has used my emotional vulnerabilities against me during an argument. I’ve never experienced that with a man

  12. Look, there is something you must understand:

    When women say “men should show their emotions more”, they mean extremely specific emotions (vulnerability and tenderness, any other is toxic and abusive and should be repressed), in a very specific degree (not too much, else attraction is gone), in a specific moment (when they aren’t inconvenienced by it), for a very specific reason (has to be something that doesn’t make them feel guilty) to a very particular person (only their partner, never to any other woman).

    If it doesn’t fit within those narrow parameters, the man is toxic, and they will shame the expression of emotion.

  13. Men or women, the ones who shame men for showing emotion are the ones who stand to gain from it.

    Employers, abusive spouses, friends who don’t know how to comfort or console, all fall into the category. I’ve found that the best way to check someone’s sincerity is when your pain, your needs, you, to become an obstacle for them.
    Supportive, helpful, respectful people will sympathize, console, at least give you space.

    Shitty users will spout “Controlling yourself”, “Acting like a grown-up”, “Keeping your shit to yourself”, “Pussy, oversensitive, crybaby”. “Real Men <Blank>” is code for “I want you to <Blank>.”

    Shame is powerful force to control actions. Emotions are not a choice, people feel emotions. What they do with them, how they integrate them in their decision making process, well, control that and you control the person. They are at the mercy of their own emotions and your expectations resulting from them.

  14. Women, hands down. Some Men might “shame” other men for showing emotions but it’s mostly done for teasing and the person doing the shaming will immediately stop and support the other one if it’s serious.

  15. Women, generally. Men I know who are hyper “masculine,” and tell dudes not to cry or get upset are toxic, and they know they’re toxic. My grandfather was one of those men but he softened later in his life. We all know we have it tough, whether we acknowledge it or not.

    Many women, on the other hand, think rather differently, tend to not know what’s going on in our heads, and frequently don’t realize how much they’ve bought into society’s toxic expectations ON men.

  16. The only ‘men’ who will shame a guy for being emotional are little boys full of bravado. That said, we do expect you to do what you need to handle your shit. I’ve met men who are just a whirling dervish of volatile emotions leaving destruction in their wake (actually that was me once), and nobody wants to deal with someone who’s drowning but won’t accept help unless it means pulling you down with them.

    Women just don’t know how to handle emotional men. Say what you will of changing gender norms, a deeply set part of them wants men to be stronger because they can barely handle their own emotions.

  17. My guy friends give me a hard time on emotional issues at first, then we really dig in and get to connecting. It’s understood that we’re teasing.

    My experience with my girl friends is they’re only open to listen or talk for the first 15 minutes or so. Then it becomes an “are you done?” type thing.

    One time had an ex who I had caught sending pictures to another guy ask me when I was going to get over it.

  18. Women.

    If we see a guy genuinely showing emotion, or breaking down, I think we all get it. We have been there before, we understand what’s going on. We will probably put a hand on their shoulder or give them a hug, but probably won’t need to say a word.

    I can’t could how many guys have shown emotion in front of a woman, just to get ridiculed and made fun of. This is also when I found out that the word *cunt* just seems to cut the ladies ego like a fuckin knife

  19. This reminds me of my friends ex wife. She went on a little rant about how “men need to show more emotions and open up more”. I pointed out that we do and just stop because a lot of women tend to shit on us for it. Of course she went on to blame men for it with her friends chiming in with all the buzz words. Not even like 15 minutes later(rounded up)….I kid you not she told a story of how her ex cried to her once and how she shitted on him for it. I mean calling him every word from bitch to pussy to soft. Slapped him and told him to be a man. Of course her friends was laughing hysterically the whole time. This isn’t even close to my only example(or most messed up) just the most ironic one.

  20. Women, guys have done it too but plenty have listened to me when I needed them and they did it without any kind of judgement.

    Women who do this are much more rare.

    Case in point. When I started looking for help after being raped the first people to take me seriously were men namely an Orthodox priest and my father. Women, including my own sisters, either mocked or downplayed it. At your lowest point you find out who really cares.

  21. In my personal experience women.

    I opened up to my daughters mother about dealing with depression (bare in mind I was caring for my terminally sick father at the time which contributed a lot to it), at the time she was understanding of it, but whenever we argue she brings it up and makes fun of me for it and laughs at me lol

    She also threatens it’s going to come back 😂

  22. My elder sister, she literally started beating me up one day for crying over fear of being fired at my job.

    Have in mind that if she sees a movie that’s slightly sad she starts bowling her eyes out and we need to understand that she’s emotional for the movie.

    Selfish asshole

  24. Honestly from my own experience… women. Especially romantic partners. Can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been asked to “open up” and when I do they’re all like “no no not like that you fucking pussy.” Then contact decreases, then they ghost me, then I wonder why I ever bothered making myself vulnerable in the first place. Hurts especially from long-term partners. Had that happen three times… each time thinking I could trust the next partner. Yeah, nope.

    That shit stays locked in the vault now. Any future girlfriend that has a problem with that can honestly kiss my ass. I am *not* letting anyone one else weaponize vulnerabilities to be used against ever again. I’m stoic to a fault because of this and if you don’t like it, tough shit – I don’t make compromises anymore.

  26. Overtly, men. Covertly, women. Men will empathize with you to a certain extent. Women will sympathize with you but secretly lose respect and disqualify you in the back of her head. This is my experience, at least

  27. Guys are more likely to tease you about it, but usually in a playful / nonjudgmental way. Women are more likely to be serious.

  28. I used to think it was men. No. Women secretly judge men who show emotion more harshly. This was evident when the women at work and my social group started distancing themselves from me after I cried during a movie (*Manchester by the Sea*).

  29. I was told by someone once that ‘My problems aren’t that bad, and it happens to everyone’ after opening up about my childhood trauma.
    (Sex abuse, rampant alcoholism)

    Some women want emotionless men.
    Especially when it comes to sex only partnerships.

    She didn’t even cry or show emotion, presumably because it would have given her winkles and fucked her botox.

    But that’s not all women. I met someone who listens to me, and is very supportive.

  30. Alot of times it’s the women in your life who rely on you to be strong for them who freak out when you show weakness, because if you fall apart they are in trouble. They will tell you real quick if you start feeling down that what you’re doing is wrong and you need to toughen up.

    Also, if you’re married your wife will bitch about any time you are having “too much fun” for the rest of your life

  31. Women. It’s not even a debate.

    “Why wont you open up to me?!

    *Opens up*

    “Oh, urgh you’re so weak. It’s pathetic.”

    *Well, not doing that again*

    (Real life example)

    Now I’ll show emotions with my guy mates with no issues, but never again with a woman. That stuff gets weaponized at the first opportunity.

  33. Men may give you shit for having emotions, but are otherwise supportive. Women hold it against you.

  34. In my experience only women. Which is odd because a lot of women state publicly that guys should show more emotion. But when a guy does exhibit emotion with them don’t really like it, at all.

  35. Women by a long shot and ironically it’s often the same ones who say men should be more emotional or expressive. Dont fall into that trap, boys.

  36. Definitely women. My friends have always been very supportive when I opened up. Girlfriends saw it as a sign of weakness and always used sensitive things I opened up about against me later.

  37. 95% of the women I’ve shown emotion to. They just say “you want attention” or “pity party” and say things like “stop crying! Man up!”. Even my own sister. And I have Aspergers and am short and ugly so not a sympathetic face or person. As for the men, they don’t even react and just walk away. It just hurts more when it’s women cuz as a kid I always believed that taken as a whole they weren’t shallow and had bigger hearts, were kinder. Turns out women aren’t much different than men. Cruelty isn’t limited to just men

  38. Women for sure. Not necessarily directly or publicly, but if a man shows emotion to her personally, she can barely hide her disgust.

  39. Women in general. Father passed away, I was destroyed, he was my best friend, i was in so much pain I couldnt feel anything. GF at the time, who I was planning on marrying, said I was sad all the time and depressing and broke up with me after dating for 3 years, a week after dad died and 2 days after I buried him, is when she decided to make her move. Nearly didnt survive that time in life.

    &#x200B;

    Funny enough, looking back, my mother mocked me as a child any time I showed serious emotion. It was my Dad who taught me that it was ok to cry.

  40. it’s just insane how i’ve been through nearly a hundred comments and every single one says it’s women.

    even the ones that call out men in some capacity eventually settle on women being worse. this isn’t even an opinion btw im just saying.

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