I am so baffled by the possibility of someone being able to love again after a breakup…or several breakups.
I love my boyfriend so much, but he’s my first everything, whereas he’s had several others before me. It’s becoming more serious between us, and I see a future with him. But I have a hard time accepting his love and *believing* in his love because of this doubt in my mind that I want to let go of.
What is love like after breakups? How can you open your heart again just the same as you did the first time? Do the second, third, fourth loves get old, less real, less potent? Does it become easier to leave your current partner? Is it really possible to clear your mind of someone you’ve been with for *years* and connect just as intently to another person?
I have this stupid fear that I’m just another pit stop for him. And during lovemaking, I wonder whether he did this thing or that to his exes, and do those things mean as much to him as they mean to me?
I realize this is some internal thing I need to work on and eventually let go of, so helpful words from anyone is much appreciated.
TL;DR I’m having a hard time accepting my boyfriend’s love for me because it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around loving someone so intensely again after several breakups.
3 comments
Have you ever had a falling out with a friend ? Was that the last friend you ever had ? Love is something you create in your heart for another person, you choose or choose to not love a new person.
Our hearts aren’t limited to loving just one person. There’s a reason poly relationships exist and work when they’re based on healthy ideals, communication, and relationships.
The only things stopping anyone from loving again, or loving more than one person at a time, are our brains and the socially constructed ideas of how, who, and why we love.
Basically, your boyfriend can absolutely love you, regardless of how many prior people he’s loved before. They don’t diminish the amount of love he is capable of.
In my experience, later relationships are far better, healthier, deeper, and more connected. That’s because both people know themselves better, have more relationship experience, have developed better relationship skills, so if they connect and make it work, they tend to do so with a stronger, healthier foundation. They don’t mess tons of stuff up along the way and have to fix it within the relationship.They are more likely to only have small issues pop up.