I (22 F) met a guy (28 M) on Tinder when I moved to the city I live in now in late June. We hit it off and started going on dates every week and texting almost every day. On our third date, we had a conversation about what we’re looking for and both agreed that we’re not looking to be in a relationship since neither of us will still be in the city in a year’s time.
After this convo, the dynamic changed and he stopped texting me first throughout the week and I started to notice that I was the one reaching out first. We had great physical chemistry though so I brushed it off since I wanted to hook up. We had sex on our 5th date and afterwards was the first time he texted me first in some time. It was your standard, “I had fun thanks for coming over” text, but not any substance apart from that. We exchanged a couple more texts and I had an issue with my car and asked him for advice but things still felt off.
I decided I wouldn’t be reaching out to him first after that and weeks went by without me hearing from him. I cracked when the three week point was approaching and texted him asking what he was up to. He was back in his hometown visiting for a memorial, so I said he should let me know when he’s back in the city where we both live.
He said he would do that.
It’s been two weeks.
I have no idea whether or not he’s in our city, still in his hometown, or anywhere else in the world (he travels a lot). I don’t want to text him first, but I do want to see him again. I don’t want to have regrets + when I leave next summer it won’t matter, but my pride ugh
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5 comments
Seems like you should just go for it. Life is too short. Y’all not looking for anything serious so might as well shoot your shot. If it misses who cares you didn’t want anything serious.
You said you didn’t want a relationship. Got what you wanted.
Then you said you wanted to hook up. You got what you wanted.
Why the anxiety now?
To be honest with you, and now I am speaking from a guy perspective, we do not like to have for wife a woman who we had sex for fun just to pass the day.
But everyone is different and there are many cases when a FWB grew feelings with the time.
But it seems like you are unsure for your intentions
>both agreed that we’re not looking to be in a relationship since neither of us will still be in the city in a year’s time.
I’m suspecting he’s seeking a relationship, but, based on your mutual discussion, you’re not ‘it’ for him. His slacking off on texting first may be a reflection of that outcome.
I’d check in again, and again at the three week point (or four weeks).
It sounds like the relationship has shifted to FWB following the conversation. Unless discussed, there’s no pre-defined rules for interacting regularly like in a committed relationship. If you aren’t okay with the new dynamic, you should ask to have another conversation to let him know you’re not okay with the lack of communication. He may not even be aware that there’s an issue