I (30F) love my partner (30m), and our sex life has been exciting and very pleasurable. He’s probably the best sexual partner I’ve ever had.
We’ve had a bit of a learning curve because I have much more experience and have been more adventurous than him, but I don’t mind teaching lol.
The current issue we’ve been having is talking during sex. I love it- getting feedback on what feels good, what I could do a little different to enhance pleasure, etc, but he had never done it before and was incredibly shy about it. I’ve been encouraging and patient and was okay being the one talking first to set the mood and give examples, and he became comfortable doing it! I was so excited and happy when he did the first time.
The problem is, he’s very, ah, clinical about it. For example, he says things like “the walls of your vagina feel so good around my penis.”
I didn’t mind at first cause I was happy he was comfortable enough with me to try it out, and tbh, I find it really cute. It’s just, I *still* find it adorable and really endearing, and it’s not quite the right emotional response when you’re in the middle of it, you know? Like we’ll be about to get into it and he’ll say something like, “I can’t wait to suck on your clitoris and insert my fingers into your vagina” and I have to try not to giggle or turn the laughing into a sexually teasing thing to keep the mood.
It’s not really a turn off, but it knocks me out of the sex driven mindset I was in beforehand and instead I think of how cute he is and how much I love that he’s comfortable with me.
So now, he’s been doing this for a while in our relationship and I haven’t said anything about it. I probably should have said something sooner (like when he first tried it and asked if he did it right), but I was scared of embarrassing him.
If you look past the anatomically correct descriptions of what he’s saying, he can be *damn* sexy about it. So im afraid that if I tell him he’s not doing it the right way for me, he’ll feel embarrassed and discouraged. That’s the last thing I want.
What do I say to him?? How do I explain that it hasn’t been quite right without him feeling like I’ve been internally making fun of what he’s been saying?
I also feel a bit silly to want him to be more crass and say things like “fuck you’re so wet” instead of “your wet vagina is so great.” Would I be asking an unnecessary change?
11 comments
I think you should say “I really like it when you say (sexy term that you prefer)” , “I get so hot when you say exactly (phrase)”
I’d just communicate with him what you want said to you in a tactful, compassionate way that still encourages him to talk, but in a way that turns you on more. Probably won’t be long chat, honestly. You already got him talking, now it’s just about telling what you want said.
You could try directing him more. For instance, maybe something like… Say how bad you want my pussy, or I want to hear you say how hard you are gonna fuck me. Maybe if you give him the words to say, by basically just repeating what you say to him, it’ll help him slowly feel more comfortable, and use more “dirty” phrasing.
How about saying “ I’m finding your thrusting penis most efficacious for my physical and emotional well being at this moment in time.
And I believe an increase in velocity would be most welcome .
He May then get the hint .
I think you should give him examples of what you *do* like versus telling him what he is doing is wrong. Find a good blog article on the type of dirty talk you like and send it to him.
Ask him to say a different sentence then get ‘super excited sexually’ when he does so he sees a difference
‘I love the way your cerebellum creates thoughts that make sounds come out of your mouth.’
Start using the words you like with enthusiasm and lust. Repeat them a lot. He probably just needs to expand his vocabulary.
Bruh I had this issue with my last partner, personally I found it super weird and not at all a turn on- but I never had the balls to fix it, I suggest you just tell him that vulgarity can make for great play, just be forward about it
Just be honest he will understand
Literally give him phrases to use.