I (28f) started talking to a man (37m) a couple of weeks ago. We texted and spoke on the phone a couple of times. We arranged the date for last Friday.
Recently I’ve started a new job. The transition has been difficult, and last week was really hard. My boss was angry at me on Friday, and I was upset. I told my date about it in the afternoon.
When I got done work, I realized I was too upset to go out and asked if we could postpone to Sunday. He kept offering different ideas to go out, so I could cheer up. Finally, I agreed to meet him for a late dinner. We had a good time and a couple of drinks. I went back to his place, and we got physical. I was uncomfortable, and I tried to stop it, but I felt pressured.
Afterwards, we continued to talk, and I said that I normally would not have gone home with him. I was off that day and emotional. He insisted that he liked me, and he wanted to continue seeing me.
I sent him a message yesterday saying that I’d love to continue dating, but I want to wait before being physical again until we know each other better. He ghosted.
I feel stupid for being in this situation. It’s just a gross feeling to know that he only wanted to sleep with me and didn’t want to actually get to know me.
Did I give off the wrong impression by asking to go slower?
I know how I feel, but I would love some outside perspective on this. Thanks!
3 comments
>Did I give off the wrong impression by asking to go slower?
You were being yourself by expressing your view. He was not seeking that, and saw himself better spending his time elsewhere in pursuit of his own interests.
He also likely realized he’d left you with a bad impression by being pushy on a physical level, and may have thought he’d not be able to recover your good opinion of him. (you’re more forcefully resisting him would likely have had additional benefits by retaining his interest longer, and not allowing him to spoil things by creating a bad impression)
Being true to yourself and (within limits) always being clear about your expectations is generally the best way to represent yourself imo.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Hes in upper 30s and single. He’s got commitment issues. He just wants to fuck girls and have fun. Any guy who ghosts needs to grow a stack and stop being a fucking dick. It’s a numbers game. Hope you find a guy who’s actually looking for something serious. If all y’all doing is going out for drinks and back to his place, he’s just not that into you. Avoid guys who are eager to bring you back to his place. If he’s willing to go on dates 3 4 5 times and still not take you back home and fuck you, he’s probably a good one
he just wanted easy sex. you stopped making it easy.