This happened twice. I thought I had it the first time, but apparently I haven’t.
Both times, I meet someone new. We click and we become friends. We learn about each other, we get closer, we learn more and we open up and we do things that none of us do to anyone else. We become special.
Then suddenly, I just drop off. It’s not because I don’t like them but I just lose interest. I get bored. And I lose the motivation to hang out, to talk, even text. I disappear.
Understandably, they feel upset. Betrayed. Used. And I always feel terrible.
I’m serious. I know it’s all my fault and that’s why I feel so horrible. I feel so guilty that I just leave them hanging, even when they wanted so much more. But I can’t help it.
It hurts. I want to stop hurting others and myself. They don’t deserve this and I shouldn’t be doing these things.
So what’s wrong with me? What should I do?
Am I choosing the wrong friends? Should I stop getting close to people?
4 comments
Sometimes you need to make the effort to spend time etc with your friends. Because unreciprocated energy hurts. I got a friend just like you. I cut her off & never look back. Because I know I’m going to meet many more friends who will return the same energy back rather than just stuck up with an uninterested person. Its a waste of energy. Friendships are a social investments for the future. They can be there for you when your spouse cant. Stuff like that.
“Then suddenly, I just drop off. It’s not because I don’t like them but I just lose interest. I get bored. And I lose the motivation to hang out, to talk, even text. I disappear.”
When you say this, does that mean you like to spend time alone more? Or just with your partner, or…? Are you an introverted person? Because it would make more sense.
Maybe you can plan activities like you all like once in a while. Idk how old you are but adult friendship doesnt really need 24/7 time investments. Just show them that you care.
I’ll just pop up to be my broken record self for a second. You might want to look into your attachment style if you’re noticing a pattern in the way you react to relationships.
it’s crazy because i’m the exact same way as you and i also looked for explanations why i’m this way.
the reasonings i’ve found and that spoke to me were:
-have you asked yourself whether you actually wanted to
make friends or whether it’s something you feel like you should want to do? if you actually don’t have the intention to make any friends but still try to ‘force’ it, it’d be a reason why you get bored of them so quickly.
– perhaps you think there’s something wrong with you but in truth the people you make friends with don’t really match with you and you’re realizing it while you’re in the process of getting to know each other. maybe you’re also looking for something specific in someone just like you do when you’re searching for a S/O.
– commitment issues. you’re scared they’ll become attached to you. emotionally dependant in a way that’ll drain you. and fear that some aspects of your life will change due to your new friendship.
– if you’re introverted, pessimistic or a rather ‘unhappy’ person in general it could also be self-explanatory but doesn’t have to be a reason!
but the social battery reason made a lot of sense to me. in that you have a very low social battery and when you hang out with the new friend too much, you unconsciously build up a recovery time debt and when it gets too big you won’t associate this with yourself but with the person like ‘i’m tired of them and need time alone’.
this may sound harsh for the person on the other side but you don’t owe people explanations. you may tell them for your conscience or as some form of respect for them why you decided to do things you do, but in the end you don’t owe anyone anything. especially when you’re still in the process of figuring yourself out. i wish you good luck in the future
This is something myself and a lot of others with ADHD struggle with, maybe you have it too! (I’m not saying this is an official symptom of ADHD or trying to diagnose a stranger or anything like that, but it is a very very common anecdotal experience for people with ADHD and treating the ADHD can help with it!)