How many times would you tolerate your partner farting on you in their sleeping before leaving to sleep somewhere else?

18 comments

1. It’s not about the fart. It’s about the smell.

2. Personally I’d say like, 4

3. Isn’t this what men do to women?

4. My bf does all the time while he deeply sleeps. I think that’s super cute. I really don’t mind at all

5. If they aren’t aware of it, who gives a fuck?

6. It’s just farts. I’m usually the one who is farting more anyways.

7. I won’t be bothered by it, because I know that once I go to exact my revenge, it will come with a hatred. When I have had my say, it will have been through a toxic miasma of fecal byproduct, enhanced by the vigors of faux Mexican cuisine. As the foul fumes stir within my bowels amidst a storm of digestion and disagreeable concoctions of nourishment, my mind knows what waits for her… and when I drink that glass of Vitamin D milk right before the bed to soothe my thirst, my digestive system once again receives what it needs to take the upcoming atomic nasal obliteration to the next level.

   She waits, ever so innocently in the opposite side of the bed, for me to get done reading. Me, buying time, sitting up perusing the majestic and heroic works of one prolific JRR Tolkien, feels the noxious gas gently crowning the other side of my sphincter. There is almost the need to address whether she has signed a prenup before the marriage. Once I feel that adequate pressure has been applied and my sizeable buns can no longer contain the chaos to ensue, I place my glasses and my book on my nightstand, kiss my wife goodnight, roll over so that she is able to wrap her arms around me, unsuspecting of the brutal and relentless cloud that awaits to assail her senses.

   The lights are off, House MD is going on the TV to aid the fan with background noise. I tighten my stomach, flex slightly, and push. Within the next few moments, the flames of chaos are stoked violently. Things that should be right are no longer right. Nose hairs have been burnt, the noxious odor can practically be seen with the naked eye, those who are not biologically predisposed to my nuclear gaseous gut wrenching stomach punch are wailing in agony and anger, perhaps praying to the Gods to beg the cause for such malevolence. The air is hot, the comforter begins melting, sweat pours from brows profusely like a free flowing waterfall.

   Our eyes meet and mine answer the question that hers is asking me: “why?”

   My eyes respond with, “yes, I just did that, and there is plenty more where that came from. Get ready, it’s going to be a long night.”

   One time, one hundred times, it doesn’t matter. Like a werewolf with a sadistic side, I position myself to be near my victim and assault her senses with my gnarly manstink.

8. Some people would pay top dollar for this kind of stuff. You kids are so ungrateful.

9. Personally I wouldn’t care. Even her kimchi farts aren’t so bad that I would feel the need to relocate.

   Sometimes she tosses, turns and takes over the entire bed…. this has been enough to make me seek the refuge of my recliner.

10. Like deliberately? Well that’s just disrespectful. If it’s just cuz they are farting, I honestly don’t care

11. This will be the HOTTEST post within 24 hours!!! 😂

12. I would tolerate it all night long. She human, she farts, who cares!!!

13. It’s depends on a combination of how hot she is and how bad the farts smell.

    There is a point where the situation becomes an act of aggression on your senses and you need to leave the room.

14. It’s not something I would ever leave over if she’s doing it unknowingly in her sleep.

15. Bed farts are okay.

    Bed sharts means the talk.

16. Wait…women fart?

17. Only one, after I deliver the mother, father, sister, brother of farts that she winds up levitating several inches off the bed and said fart shoots me out of the bedroom like a rocket!

18. My wife says it’s indefinite.