Well pretty much the title but a little context. I have severe chronic illness which means I’m mostly in and out of hospital and have many hospital appointments.
When I have an important hospital appointment he likes to tell me “ send me a message when done” and I’m not sure if I’m backwards but this always rubs me the wrong way cos how I feel is you had to go to hospital for whatever reason because of a health issue ur dealing with. Your friend/partner/family/important person in your life knows this..radio silence from them. Would you go messaging them “hi there, just letting you know all is well” or “they found something serious” etc when they didn’t bother to ask anything in the first place.
I don’t know maybe I’m wired backwards but I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to bother them with that. To me i feel since I’m the one who deals with this horrendous illness a little message from my boyfriend “how did your appointment went?” Which by the way most of my appointments due to the nature of my illness are very stressful so a little message like that from him would’ve mean the world to me rather than him waiting for me to tell him what happen when he is by the way I know is constantly online
Am I wrong in feeling like that? Would appreciate any input and advice. Thank you
TLDR: My title, My (36F) boyfriend (44M) is annoyed with me because I didn’t message him about my hospital appointment
8 comments
How do you expect him to know when your appointment is over?
Back in 2010 I had severe pulmonary embolism and was clinically dead on the floor of my mother’s dance studio for damn near a minute. After I got out of the hospital I had to go in to a clinic to have my blood drawn once a week to make sure the blood thinners they put me on were working to dissolve the clots in my leg and lungs.
I texted my husband the results of EVERY SINGLE APPOINTMENT so he knew what was going on with me because he asked me to do so and it didn’t take me that long.
What’s the rest of the relationship like?
So you do want to share updates with him, only you want him to ask first? And for this he will have to learn your complex, frequent schedule of hospital visits? That sounds burdensome
are you saying you want him to pay attention to when you go in for these appointments and ask how they went after 3 or 4 hours or you just don’t want to bother because you’re sick and he is out doing whatever he does?
>When I have an important hospital appointment he likes to tell me “ send me a message when done” and I’m not sure if I’m backwards but this always rubs me the wrong way… Would you go messaging them “hi there, just letting you know all is well” or “they found something serious” etc when they didn’t bother to ask anything in the first place
He *did* ask you something in the first place. He asked you to text him when you’re done. If you don’t let him know you’re finished with your appointment then what are you expecting? He’s not a mind reader. He’s only going to follow up with more questions when you tell him you’re out of the hospital…
It sounds like you’re creating a problem here.
How do the fights start, and what are they about?
Next time you are at the hospital and are using the restroom, let him know what you are doing and how it made you feel.
If you don’t feel like giving updates unless asked then don’t give updates unless he specifically asks at that time, you’re the one that’s dealing with being sick. If that’s the case though you also can’t expect him to constantly know when to text you. If he’s upset that you’re not texting back then tell him when you’re in and out of the hospital your pain is what’s on your mind not getting back to him at that moment so if he’s ever worried he can check in. Having simple conversations can save you a lot of stress in the long run just communicate that you don’t want to be the one constantly filling him in when you already don’t feel good and he can check in at a later time when you’re less stressed.