I am in a almost 2 years relationship with my boyfriend who is an awesome man but since day 1 when we met I told him about my exs touching (and more) my breast all day long with me telling them not to + them pressuring me to have sex was a trauma and I wanted to feel respected and considered not only as a pair of b00bs or butt cheeks,
But he started to get obsessed with my breast too early in the relationship and almost everyday where I would like cuddles, kissing the cheeks, forehead or belly touching, whatever.. he only focused on touching my boobs at ANY TIME ! I am not talking on intimate times.. so I asked him no to do it, that it reminds me painfull memories and he always found « funny » excuses to gaslight it and it went on and on during like 9 month
Then I REALLY started to have less and less sex drive because I feel like I didn’t trust him to respect my body anymore (as we were doing some hard stuffs before) and when he asked me (litteraly everyday, a bit pressuring..) what was the problem, i have always been honest with him that i would like him to treat my body and my face as a full cuddle and kisses surface other than just my but cheeks (that he always put his face in without permission during the day..) and my boobs.. that it would help me not being scared of being jumped on and give me excitment to come to him
But here we are 1 year and few months later and nothing changed, i had to cry, tell him that it’s almost a rape everyday to him to understand….
Now I have 0 sex drive, i love a lot of things he is and I assure you he is genuinely a good person except on that point and I don’t know what to do…
+ I am attracted by other people but not him because I don’t trust him anymore, I told him about polyamory because I can truly love other people but he is only focused on me except he has a sex drive 10x higher than what I can provide him so I thought it would be a nice deal but I’m thinking more and more on ending the relationship because I don’t see any « healthy » issues here and I’m done feeling pressured when he was aware of what he was not allowed to do but he did it anyways and now blame me for the results…
If you have some advices.. thank you (sorry for my english)
9 comments
yeah, he needs to stop. if he doesn’t understand, you may have to leave him to have him learn the hard way.
Your boyfriend doesn’t care about consent which is why he continues to sexually assault you and make you feel like shit. That is not an awesome boyfriend. This relationship doesn’t sound salvageable if he is okay doing this to you over and over again.
If you feel like you’re being violated every day and you’ve told him to stop and he hasn’t, you are in an abusive relationship
This does sound like a case of you should leave him judging by how clearly you’ve communicated that you don’t consent to what he does and want him to stop.
That trust is broken and this isn’t healthy, go find someone who will respect your boundaries.
As for your partner, if this is an impulsive thing that he struggles to control he should seek help for it and leave you alone. If he is just actively disregarding your feelings, then he definitely doesn’t deserve you and maybe leaving will teach him a lesson.
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He is not a good person. This is abuse.
If you don’t trust him, why are you still with him?
You need to report it. You’ve already told him time after time to stop. It will only get worse. Please get help.
Leave. He needs someone that’s more physically affectionate and you’re clearly already checked out of the relationship (“I don’t trust him anymore” / “… I can truly love other people.”)