Hi everyone, long time reddit lurker, first time poster here. Really looking for some advice and a shoulder to lean on because I feel pretty disappointed/defeated right now.
I’ve been married to my wife for about 2 months now and we’ve been having trouble having sex for the entire time. We’ve been LDR for a year and I finally got a break for a few months after our wedding which is why the issue hasn’t been totally clear until now. We’re also both each other’s firsts (and onlys hopefully)
Basically whenever I try to put it inside her she either pushes me back or is intense pain. I don’t think I’ve put in more than 3/4 of an inch inside her, which is really still the outside.
We went to a gynecologist who said everything is normal and suggested she get some plevic gel and explore with her finger since she hasn’t ever put anything inside (fingers, dildo, nothing). The gynecologist also said that it’s mostly a mental fear thing and she should try relaxing more.
For the record she gets insanely wet, lubrication is not an issue in the slightest. She’s a little on the small side but I’m also on the smaller side of average so I feel like everything should be working out but it isn’t. We’ve tried different positions to no avail and tonight was a turning point for me.
Before we saw the gynecologist I thought we were kind of doing it and day by day it was going further inside. This was not the case, what was actually happening was any time I was in the right spot and pushed, it would hurt her, so she would just rub it on the outside instead. That fooled me for some time but then I caught on and I felt really cheated, that’s when she agreed to go to the gynecologist. She was prescribed a vaginal pill for 3 days for a slight infection and yesterday was the last one. I thought that since we know everything is a okay that we would make some progress but tonight was the same story if not worse.
Guys I’ve been finishing myself off for the past 2 months and I’m literally on the verge of tears because I just want to have normal sex with my wife. I know it’s not her fault that it hurts, and I know we’re both into it, but I can’t help being immensely disappointed. So what do I do?
8 comments
Communicate this with her, she needs to understand this is not normal. It seems she is trying. Foreplay means a lot, like oral etc. It seems your wife is not open to talking about the sex act?
Perhaps get a second opinion to ensure she hasn’t got vaginismus. Once you have a clarity on that and assuming she hasn’t then hypnotherapy with someone trained in helping with sexual issues would be a great option as it will enable her to get over anything that is subconsciously causing this response and allow you both to enjoy the fulfilling sex life you both deserve. Feel free to message me if you want help finding the right hypnotherapist as this is my line of work. Don’t give up and in the mean time be as loving and patient as you can because then you will maintain the trust she has in you. This is no one’s fault and now more than ever you need to be a team.
It sounds like she has vaginismus.
it’s probably in her head. i got a friend whose always bleed after having sex with her husband and never orgasm. went to doctor multiple times and all good.
then she got a divorce and had a fwb. she literally cum multiple times and even squirted.
probably ask her to be in control. instead you tried to put it in. let her rub her clit on your penis while she’s on top. when she’s really horny then let her decide when to put it in. i was doing this kind of stuff with my past partners because im saving myself for marriage and they actually wanted to put my penis inside them.
im a virgin (21f) that’s probably will have sex this week and reading this… boy i am so scared now
Get a referral for a pelvic floor physical therapist. They know this stuff really well.
Or talk to another gynecologist
Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. Agreed. Will do wonders for both of you!
You need to stop having sex with her until she has gone to the doctor’s