I’m using a throwaway.
So tonight I decided to finally hire an escort. I’ve been quite lonely and sexless for my young-adult life, so the idea had been growing in my mind for a while. After digging around online, I found an older women who I thought would be a good candidate, and she responded to my messages. My reasoning was that, since I enjoyed older women in pornography, it made sense to hire an older woman as an escort. Almost never do I masturbate to young women (or “teens” as they’re called). It cost about $260. She was less attractive in person and her mouth did not taste good to me. I know that kissing prostitutes is considered a terrible idea for hygienic reasons, so if anyone has advice for making sure my mouth is clean, then I’d appreciate it. I could not stay hard at all so we never had sex or anything. But she did give me a blow job, albeit over a condom. Beyond that I simply licked her breasts and touched her vagina, but I did not put my mouth on the latter. She was actually quite sweet and gave me solid advice, said that it was normal for inexperienced men not to get erect. And that was it. I am left after the ordeal, not only afraid for my health, but deeply confused about what I actually desire in women. I’ve never managed to have an orgasm with an actual woman: only pornography. It is possible that, because of overexposure and lack of contact with real women, my sexuality is warped.
Any tips would be good. I don’t know if I need to get tested because we never had sex and wore protection during oral sex. I’ve taken multiple shots of mouthwash, showered and cleaned my genitals.
3 comments
Hmm, health wise you’re probably fine. The body’s immune system is pretty strong for stuff like kissing. Give it a few days and keep one eye on how you feel, odds are good you’ll come through just fine. On the really small chance not, a doctor can help. I sincerely doubt it will come to that.
Overall, I say props for getting outside of your comfort zone and giving it a try. You took a solid swing at an intimidating subject and tried something new. Now you’ll know more for when you feel ready for another try someday. And you got some advice out of it!
My overall advice is find someone you like IRL and who feels the same way about you, see if you can both start a little campfire of mutual attraction and flirting, and as time goes on and you find out you like touching, expand on touches with each other that feel good. Even holding hands can be fun, but it can transition to massages, kissing, and eventually sexual pleasures like hand jobs and such. It’s all pretty natural if you are with someone who likes doing it with you and it all feels good and tempting.
For starters, she was perfectly correct: lots of men do experience difficulty performing under circumstances like that.
But to your real question:
I’d advise you NOT to think in terms of what you desire in women: I’d think more in terms of what you find attractive in people.
Separating sex from relationships with real people is of course done a million times every day, but it might not be the most healthy thing in a case like yours. Being attracted to “types” is fine (we all have our ideals), but we run the risk of flattening real people out to the point where they are not genuinely interesting anymore.
I’m not saying that’s happened to you. But I strongly suspect that when you find a woman you like who likes you back, a little time and patience will show you what you’re looking for in sex.
The trouble isn’t how you went about it but that you don’t know what you like. I can’t see it as healthy for your sexual being to find out what you like and dislike about sex from a prostitute. That’s fake sex and most likely different than sex you will eventually have with a partner. Just try and not let it warp your mind into thinking this is what sex or blow jobs is supposed to be like.