My (20M) friends have turn misogynistic

28 comments

1. You drop these friends unless you want to be single for the rest of your life. As a woman I wouldn’t go near a man that is ok with his friends that hate me for my gender

2. You deal with your friends who think like that by not dealing with them. Minimize your contact, or at least choice of topics. These are ideas you know are wrong but with enough exposure they can still grab hold of you.

   Being an asshole will get you a certain type of attention for sure, but it’s probably not what you want. Instead? Talk. Get to know her. Show interest in and ask questions about her thoughts and favorite things (don’t fake it on the things that you don’t care for). She’s may be beautiful in your eyes, but she’s still a person with wants and hopes.

3. Find new friends.

4. Ask women friends and female relatives for their advice. Never listen to men, when it comes to women.

5. You need new friends. You can’t fix them. And to ask out a beautiful woman you just have to be yourself. Let me guess. All of your friends are single? Give or take one because he’s a manipulative asshole? I bet they all watch Andrew tate and take that shit to heart. News flash! Andrew tate only gets women because he’s rich. And to say hot girl summer is just an excuse to have sex is terrible what if they act the same way does it apply to them to?

6. Women need men who speak up to misogynistic men. Call them out on their bs, say things like ‘that’s misogonistic/sexist dude. Don’t say things like that’ and try to find male friends who are nicer people. No need to entertain this stuff.

   About what can you do to meet some nice woman. First of all, work on yourself, a healthy women like healhy men. Take care of your body, your personal growth and your emotional intelligence. Gym, therapist, some good books all of that we all should check out from time to time. That will not only help you find a woman who will match it, but will make you feel secure in yourself, so you will be able to reject women who are not mature or interesting enough for you. Also to reject men like that around you. Become the person you would like to date.

   Put yourself out there. Try new stuff, try new hobbies, sign up for a new course, check new activities. The easier way to find like-minded people and start conversations naturally if you know you have something in common.

   When talking to women, show interest in her personality and life. Compliment her choices and so on. Don’t focus only on how attractive is she.

7. Have you told your friends that you think their point of view is misogynistic?

   It can be very difficult to stand up to friends. So I would understand if you haven’t told them how you feel.

   Maybe this is a good opportunity for you to meet new people and expand your social circle. Do you have a hobby you wish to pursue? A sport that you want to take up? A new education course that you would be Interested in? A new job? A charity to volunteer with?

   All great ways to meet new people and make new friends. Also a great way to meet women and build new relationships.

   As for the romance question… if you see a woman that you want to approach consider the following things-

   – it a suitable place/time to approach her? 9pm in a bar is suitable. 9am at the gym is not suitable.

   – does she look like she would want to be approached? If she is listening to music and is reading a book, the chances are that she would want to be left alone.

   – is she with friends?

   – is she drunk? (Don’t approach an obviously intoxicated person, unless you are checking on their safety).

   When you approach a woman don’t use silly chat up lines. Just say hello. Complement her on her outfit/shoes/ etc.
   If she tells you she’s not interested, be polite. Thank her for her time and wish her a good evening.

   Don’t be an arsehole. You sound like a lovely person and you clearly have a good head on your shoulders. Be yourself.

8. You have 2 choices here. 1 tell them your opinion and how you believe their viewpoint on women is grossly misogynistic. People need to be called out on their bad behavior. The 2nd is find new friends. Do you really want to associate yourself with men who view women as less then?

   As for talking to women, ask your female friends and relatives their best piece of advice. How they would like to be approached by a guy. Work on feeling confident about yourself and knowing your worth. Just like men have bad apples so do women. Never let a woman make you feel less than her equal. Sometimes just saying hi, introducing and having a little chat goes a long way but also be aware that may not always work. Some women may feel uncomfortable and in those cases just move right along.

   There is no science to meeting someone. You just have to try and have patience.

9. Hey mate. First, great job seeing through the BS. The same type of thinking was around when I was your age, so these things never really die out.

   As I got older, the thing I realised is that the pickup artists were never as successful as they said they were. All the advice in the world was BS when it came to actually talking to, and getting to know, women.

   My advice, having dated and being married for over a decade, is to work on your own confidence. There isn’t a trick to speaking to women, or sitting an exam, or having a job interview, except having the confidence that comes from preparation and knowing your abilities and strengths.

   You can be shy and awkward (I am) but make it less about you and more about them. Ask questions. Look engaged and actually focus on what they are telling you. Don’t neg. Don’t be overly pessimistic or a Nice Guy and respect the “no” when you hear it.

   The more positive male interactions women have, the higher the bar will be for everyone and the better you’ll go.

10. Women are human beings, just like men. Talk to them the way you talk to other human beings. What do you like to talk about? What seems to interest them that you also find interesting?

11. Find new friends, their advice is crap. Make friends with women of all types. You’ll find some that you want to get to know better and here’s a hint. They might not be the best looking. But that’s got nothing to do with what you want in a partner.

12. You need new friends. Even if you’re initially successful, after meeting your friends she’ll likely run for the hills.

    I encourage you to reflect on your own choices here as they seem to mismatch with your goals. You separate yourself from your misogynistic friends, but really by remaining friends with them you are tolerating that behaviour.

    Your actions say “I’m okay with people treating women like this”, and we can see it. Generally we want to spend time with people who make us feel safe and supported. Someone who doesn’t stand up against others who mistreat us, let alone befriends them definitely doesn’t meet that criteria!

    You’re super young, don’t feel the need to lock yourself into the same social circle you always have. Plenty of cool people out there and it seems you’re in need of an upgrade. Good luck!

13. I’m guessing your friends don’t leave the house very often. But, if they do, you probably want to get new friends. They’re attitude towards women is going to be known eventually and you’ll be grouped in with them if you’re out with them which will greatly decrease your chances of meeting someone.

14. Get a hobby that is coed like mountain biking. Be nice.

15. Unfortunately I’m not with it enough to be able to give proper advice (outside of making and maintaining relationships – not just sexual/romantic – with women and learning how to interact/approach/be with/see as a human being etc) but rly wanted to comment as a thank you for recognising your friends attitudes are wrong and damaging and wanting to try and find your own/better ways of being. It’s genuinely appreciated

16. Andrew Tate is really setting us back, huh

17. Check out this website for healthier and more respectful advice on dating:
    [https://www.doctornerdlove.com](https://www.doctornerdlove.com)

18. just gonna say this: it’s not your job to teach someone basic human decency. if someone has sexist beliefs and ideas, leave them.

19. Get new friends, even if you end up getting with someone as soon as that person meets your friends she’ll not want to be around them and most likely get uncomfortable. And about talking to women, just be yourself, learn body language and pay attention to it, have them talk about themselves and ask questions on what they’re talking about. But reading body language will be very important.

20. i think these types of shenanigans are much more commom amongst people your age.

    this is exactly why a lot of peoppe refuse to date people younger then ~28. there is a lot of “growing up” that usually happens in your late twenties.

    anyway, any woman who says you should be an asshole should be avoided, that is a massive red flag.

    any guy who suggests that is also a huge red flag and should be avoided IMO.

    being a “bad boy” works for some women but it is usually not compatible with lasting, meaningful relationships.

21. Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are. Do you think any woman will take you seriously if she knows you’re hanging out with these assholes?

22. They’re either young and jaded already or just young and dumb. Ask female friends or relatives for advice and use common sense honestly. Being an asshole won’t find you a decent girl.

23. I think that what the guys you asked for advice were overstating their sentiments, or didn’t have the ability to truly analyze their opinions, and just made blanket statements.

    I think the substance of their meaning has more to do with the health of your self image and degree of self respect you maintain. Yes, you are attracted to beautiful women, as most men are. But some men are blown away by the beauty of such women, and tend to put them on pedestals, and strive to meet every need and be agreeable to all the wishes these beauties express. And, in this process, these men begin to view their identity through the lens of their relationship, and in many instances, the women involved will cease having respect for such men, as they view the devotion of the men as weakness, and women don’t respect weakness, and cannot love those that they don’t respect. Men that fail to maintain their self respect soon lose the respect of ones they idealize.

    Given these dynamics, you should approach beautiful women in the same manner you approach women of average looks, and emphasize aspects of who they are, their outlook on life, their interests, likes and dislikes, rather than their eye appeal, as beauty exists not only in their looks, but in who they are underneath the skin. And always remember that exterior beauty is as the flowers of spring, and that beauty isn’t permanent, but the deeper aspects of who the woman is, is permanent.

    It is ironic that many women are attracted to the “bad boys”, but understand that these guys always prioritize their needs first, and treat the interest of the women as of secondary, or tertiary concerns. That’s why some guys consider the proper approach to women is to adopt the cynical approach they observe that the bad boys use successfully. The key aspect is that they demand, and receive, respect from the women that pursue them.

    But the bad boys generally end up middle aged and alone, with no prospects for a meaningful relationship, as women mature as they age, and soon know these men for who and what they are.

    The key is to maintain self respect and autonomy during your interactions with the beautiful women, and not to submerge your priorities to hers. I think you will find success.

    I wish you well.

24. Get new friends. If you’re gonna tell them what you think, be ready to fight.

25. It’s very disappointing that we want so much for young men to “do better” then get mad when they ask questions.
    How long have y’all been friends? At 20 perspectives and tastes change. Tolerance to “jokes” starts to waiver. Your friends have either always been this way and you have outgrown them or they have more recently been overexposed to media influencing and encouraging this mindset. Most likely a cocktail. If you don’t look at women as objects you’re already better with women than they are. Joining an in person interest group is a good place to meet someone and you’ll already have one thing in common. A guy sitting next to me at a bar once asked me, strategically after his friend went to the bathroom, if I’d help him pick song on the jukebox. We learned a lot about each other just picking 5 songs together.

26. From friends’ experiences, (and my own current relationship to my husband) get to know these ladies first. Women will feel more comfortable having a nice conversation right off the hop than they would being asked out right away.

    If you ask her out after getting to know her, then hey, maybe you have a new friend. If not, then you can just shake it off and move on.

    But I’d say the best way to get romantically involved is to become somewhat familiar first. Get to know people a little before taking them out 🙂

    Remember that being rejected almost always has nothing to do with you. Think about *aaallllllllll* the things that need to go right just for a person to say yes to going out.

27. OP the best solution IS to find new friends. Although many guys can be assholes, many aren’t.

28. Hi. You dont have to reply. I get it wanting the hate for asking questions.

    Your friends sound like “nice guys” “incels” and absolute tools when it comes to women. It sounds like you see it is a problem but SO surrounded by it you may not fully see just how toxic they are and how unsafe they make women feel. Let alone they would do if they thought they could get away with it.

    Before my advice… the advice it comes with a big caveat: you will get rejected. Everyone does. It is okay.

    Advice: do things you love to do. Join a cooking class, art class, hiking / adventure club and talk to people. Go to the market and say hello to a woman you find attractive: “hey do you know which avocados will be good tomorrow mine always go bad so fast”. If they brush you off, leave them be. If they start a convo… continue the convo and ask if they would like to get a glass of wine or dinner sometime. In many European countries, men tend to walk up and just ask a question and chat before they ask me out. I love that. It happens here too but less than it should.

    What not to do: insult them, peacock, tell them you are a nice guy, follow them when they seem annoyed or afraid (we all have real reasons to be on guard). If it helps, practice asking pretty women for directions as if they are a man. Get used to it and how to have normal conversations.