My GF (F18) and I (M18) have been dating for over a year. Up until about 2 months ago we had a pretty basic relationship, like movie dates, prom night, stuff like that. She said that we would get married at some point and have a disney movie like relationship.
Pretty much the week of graduation she started to act different. Like getting mad at me when I hung out with my friends or if I didn’t invite her to stuff. This summer she hasn’t been letting me do anything without her but she won’t let us do anything I wanna do. I figured she was just nervous about college in the fall, like that we wouldn’t have time for each other or something.
She and my best friend (M18) really don’t get along and two weeks ago she was yelling at him and started throwing things at him. I got really mad and a couple days ago texted her that we needed to break up.
She literally won’t let me break up with her. She keeps denying that I ever texted her that, keeps asking if I wanna go out, she’s shown up at my house to ask me out, she also blames my friend for some reason and is claiming he’s the one who made me break up with her.
I blocked her on everything but she’s still showing up at my house and has even started texting my friends and my parents. It’s really weird. How can I get her to stop/convince her we aren’t together anymore?
45 comments
Tell her if she does not stop harassing you and your friends/family, you will go to the police. You definitely made the right call breaking up with her!!
It’s not really an option for her to tell you no. It’s your right to leave her.
Stop answering the door. Call the cops if she causes an issue or refuses to leave.
Tell your family to block her everywhere. Tell her you and your family have been trying to be nice about letting her go but you’re prepared to get a restraining order against her and she can be arrested if she shows up. She’s not acting right and she needs to understand this isn’t ok
Edit: never mind don’t even tell her, have a lawyer contact her in your stead like another user said to
You’ve already blocked her and she is becoming stalkery.
Do not talk to her, do not engage if she contacts you. Instruct all people that know you and her to not engage with her in discussing you.
Do not open the door if she comes to your house and do not answer.
I would also consider sendig a letter from a lawyer, so you have a paper trail which can eventually be used as evidence (along with installation of a camera at the door)
Keep sticking to your boundaries and enlist your friends and family for support. Have them block her as well and maybe consider staying with someone else for a few nights so you’re not at home if she shows up at your house. I would keep a record of the dates and times she does show up at your house or do anything else to harass you in case this continues to escalate and you need to get law enforcement involved. But hopefully, it won’t come to that and she won’t be able to maintain this level of harassment for very long… as long as you stick to not having any contact with her.
At least you’ve learned from this that you definitely made the right decision in breaking up with her.
The only options you really have are to have all your family block her and no longer answer calls or the door. Maybe, calling the cops when she trespasses but i don’t think they will do anything for calls. Next option depends on how close with her own family she is but maybe informing them what is going on and have them “handle” her. She sounds like she needs help and that’s okay not to give it to her but please inform ppl that are close to her so they can.
She doesn’t get to just trap you in a relationship like that. Save all the texts but otherwise ignore her and live your life.
Record everything and call the cops.
Bang her best friend
Ugh I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!
BUT you should reframe this in your mind – you HAVE broken up with her. You are no longer in a relationship with her and you have (or should) told her as much. So the question isn’t “how to break up with her” it’s “how to get her to leave me alone.”
Reiterate it’s done, and if she shows up at your house again you’ll call the cops – hopefully she keeps in mind she isn’t a minor anymore, and the kid gloves come off now that she’s 18.
Save EVERY text interaction, and ask your friends to send you screenshots of what she’s sending them incase you need a restraining order.
She is not respecting your boundaries and entering into some dangerous behavior.
All you can do is let her and her parents know that the next time she shows up authorities will be involved.
The girl needs serious therapy if she is not accepting the break-up. She may not like it but she needs to respect it.
Block her number and ignore her in person.
She’ll get the hint when all her friends start calling her out for acting crazy and delusional once they see her act that way around them when you clearly want nothing to do with her.
That’s some mental illness there. She probably needs therapy, in-patient or something. Avoid any and all contact with her. if she keeps showing up at your house or work, you will need some kind of pfa on her.
Stop trying to convince- focus on enforcement of boundaries. Are your parents willing to support you in this? Are you willing to take it to law enforcement if needed?
You don’t. She understood you perfectly, she just didn’t like what she was reading.
Don’t open the door, notify your friends and parents that you are broken up and to please remind you of all the stuff she does and how she threw things at your friend if you ever even so much consider a stray thought of getting back with her.
Don’t answer the door. Don’t answer the phone. Block her everywhere. Block any alt-accounts that she has or creates. People like her thrive on the drama, and if she comes to your house ten times in a row and you finally open the door to tell her to leave, you will have taught her that it takes 10 visits to get a reaction out of you.
Outsource sending her away and stay away from her.
Good luck.
UpdateMe!
Tell her face to face that you are done and that if she shows up at your house again, you’ll call the police and get a restraining order. This is stalking at the point.
No, you won’t let her break up with you.
If you *really* want to end the relationship, you tell all your friends and family that you have ended things, it was not amicable, and she seems to be having a hard tine accepting that the relationship is over. Advise them that they should block her or expect her to contact them to whine.
Block her on EVERYTHING and do not respond to any attempts at contact.
Alter your social media to indicate that you have ended the relationship and remove any photos of her.
Do not answer your door if she comes to your home. Do not speak to her through the door.
Going no contact means going no contact.
One doesn’t get to veto a breakup. Block her on everything.
First talk to your parents and friends, let them know that you broke up with her and that she is now harassing you so that they aren’t caught off guard.
Second, never be alone around her. If she shows up, refuse to speak beyond “Stay away from me. We are broken up and this is harassment.” If she refuses to stop, file a report and get a restraining order.
George Costanza is that you?
You need to lawyer up ASAP. It takes two to stay together but only one to break up. You need to contact an attorney and get a restraining order because what she is doing is harassing you, your friends, and your family. Don’t wait and ask her politely again, she clearly doesn’t care and what she is doing is harassing you. If she shows up at someone’s property then call the cops and have them make a statement. Try to use this in court as evidence that she is stalking/harassing you. Don’t play around with this; nip it in the bud before she does something even crazier.
The commenters telling you to ignore her are being way too passive. You already told her to leave you alone and she is not. You need to get the law involved because of HER actions.
Don’t answer door. Block on all fronts. Call cops or possibly restraining order if she doesn’t stop
You’ve been given good advice already, I just want to add that you need to change your language. Stop calling her your girlfriend and stop saying she “won’t let you break up with her.” She is your ex and she won’t accept the fact that you HAVE broken up with her.
If you want her to accept these facts then you need to speak them and believe them yourself.
Next time she shows up at your home, tell her to leave or you are calling the police.
Your parents and friends should also block her!!
First, document everything. Texts, phone calls, and anything your friends or family receive, write down the dates and times she appeared at your home and the affiliate witnesses. Stalkers suck, but having a record of their behaviors helps for an order of protection if it becomes necessary. Second, stop engaging. Give everyone explicit permission to block her, to stop responding to her, and emphasize the importance of them not responding either. Finally, as others have said here, communicate with her via a singular text message: We are broken up. Do not come to my home. Do not contact my family. Any further harassment and I will contact the police. Do not contact me again.
These posts always just fucking baffle me.
She doesn’t *get* to “let you” break up with her. That’s not her decision. What you do is you block her number and all of her socials. If you get messages from other numbers or accounts, ignore them and block those too. If she shows up at your house, don’t answer the door; call the police and report a trespasser.
She doesn’t have to like it, but she doesn’t get to insist that you’re still together after you’ve broken up with her. Just quit entertaining her shit.
block her, ignore her, dont acknowledge her existence anymore. you are young and she needs to learn the hard way that when someone breaks up with you, you dont get a say
Threaten her with a restraining order
Restraining order before it gets any worse.
Be very careful around her!
Never spend time alone with her, do NOT text or call her. Save all texts and voice messages on your phone.
If she shows up somewhere you are (because you posted about it on social media), leave immediately with friends/family.
She’ll try and trap you by saying that if you don’t do what she wants, she’ll report you for beating her/rape/etc.
Tell everyone, your friends and family that you broke up with her. Also like other people said, start threatening to call the police. If you have a good relationship with her family, maybe let them know what’s going on?
ugh I think it’s called harassing somebody at this point.
eta: it’s restraining order time. if you have told her to stop and she doesn’t, file for a pfa.
You said it’s only been a couple of days, but it sounds pretty crazy. You guys are still pretty young, so I would tell her parents. Not sure if I’d start with her mom or dad. There’s pros and cons for both, and you will know better. Tell them what’s going on. Tell them that you want to avoid getting the police involved, but that’s the next step. If that doesn’t put an immediate stop to it, then I’d go to the police and get a restraining order.
I had a situation like this in high school. Broke up with someone and he literally chuckled and said, “no, we’re not breaking up. We’ll talk about this later when you’re not upset” and walked away. Avoided me for a week and told everyone we were still together.
But the thing is, you don’t need someone’s consent or okay to break up with them. Relationships take two to tango, so stop dancing.
Block all contact and tell everyone you know that you broke up with her and she’s behaving irrationally and denying it. If she persists with stalking behavior, document it in case you need a personal protection order
She doesn’t have to agree. You’re done so the relationship is over.
Document all the times she shows up uninvited and what she says (write down any days/times that you can remember).
What do your parents say? If possible it would ideal to call her parents with yours on the line to say “I broke up with Jane and she keeps pretending it didn’t happen. I have her number blocked but she continues to show up and I’m worried about her. You need to speak with her.”
I reiterate the blocking her on everything, telling friends and family to block her, getting police involved and, possibly, a restraining order if her harassment continues. But would it be possible to get her family involved on her end? What is your/your parents’ relationship with her parents, would you or your parents be able to talk to explain that you have broken up and she isn’t taking the news well?
Am I the only one who is worried for OP. This is the kind of crazy true crime docs are made of. Please be careful and try not to leave home alone. Also under no circumstance be alone with her it’s an Amber Heard waiting to happen ( false allegations) Be Carefull Kid.
Is talking to her parents an option? Because she seems to be detached from reality.
Document EVERYTHING. Contact police and explain the situation and you can get a no contact order/restraining order.
Kiss a girl. Get a order restainting. Move out. Whatever you want.
The police
You don’t need permission to break up. She can’t force you to be in a relationship with her. That’s abusive and toxic. At this rate, she’s obsessing over you when showing up to your house. Don’t open the door. Don’t talk to her. Do not answer. This is harassment from her. I would even involve the police if she doesn’t listen. Record everything. Stick to your boundaries and if it doesn’t work and she shows up, show her consequences (legal-by calling the cops).
Nothing is gonna convince her. If this keeps happening document every time she has bothered you and show it to the police.
restraining order